Needing space versus taking a break

[VincenzoG91]

I have a friend who recently asked me for advice and I am now having doubts about the advice that I gave him. His girlfriend recently told him that she wanted some space, but didn't want to take a break from the relationship. I told him that was crap, that she is probably seeing somebody else but wants to keep him as a backup. That was my own experience with "space" in a previous relationship. But my friend is really serious about her and wants everything to work out, so he wants to give her the benefit of the doubt. Is it possible that needing some space is nowhere near as bad as taking a break? I feel like taking a break is like a trial breakup, and it's better to just rip the bandage off quickly instead of slowly. But maybe I'm just biased because I've been alone for awhile now. I don't think my friend is the clingy type, though, so it seems odd that his girlfriend would need space.

[Wakeup]

^^ nice to see you posting again, Vincenzo.

If their "space" consists of them still being exclusive, still seeing one another but less often and they talk regularily then I think that is completely different then taking a "break." It sounds like maybe she was feeling smothered, perhaps her friends were telling her that she was drifting from them or, she just was getting behind in the things we all need to do on a regular basis because they were always together.. Any of that ring a bell with these two?

[oldskool83]

SPACE is not good...its never good. its always a slow way of saying i dont konw if i wanna be with you but i dont have the titz to break up so ill just ignore you for awhile because i caught a peice of sand in my vag.

it happened to me once...after then i dont wait at all

[smackie9]

It all really depends on the need for space, like they are fighting too much or there in an issue they can't agree on, etc that seems resonable to take a time out but if it's something out of the blue then it's time to worry.

[smackie9]

I wouldn't worry about the advice given to your friend. He's gonna do what he wants and that's giving her the benefit of a doubt, and see where it goes.

[VincenzoG91]

I don't have a clear read on their relationship because I haven't met her. They have dated on and off for a couple of years now. From what he described, she sounds like kind of a perfectionist. I do know that my friend finally realized several months ago that "she is the one," but I think that the real change is that he has finally decided he definitely wants kids within the next couple of years. So maybe she is feeling pressure and wants to be more sure about him. He hasn't proposed yet, but has told me that he is thinking about proposing later this year if things are going well.

[misombra]

Overbearing. Too available. Need to be free and be herself. Definitely shouldnt propose at this moment. Givr her some time and distance to miss him.

[sadie_genie]

Vincenzo!!!

"Space" probably means she wants less contact but still wants to stay in the relationship/stay exclusive. There can be many reasons why she wants some "space". It can be a tool for manipulation (mind games) or it can mean she wants him to slow down on the talk about having kids. He really should ask her why she wants "space".

[VincenzoG91]

My friend has a new theory about "space." She is unsure of her feelings and is testing them to see if she will miss him after getting space for a while. It sounds plausible, but I can't really give my friends good relationship advice these days because I'm alone and bitter about it. I appreciate the input here, and I'm passing these ideas along to my friend. He tends to analyze things heavily, so this gives new stuff to think about.

[vashti]

I agree that she wants to reassess the relationship without having to worry about either of them seeing other people.

My advice to YOU is not to give your friend too much advice. If it goes bad, he might blame you, and there is no evidence of her behaving badly. I would probably advise you take on a more supportive, less opinionated role.

[Boisdevie]

It's a real hard one this. I love my GF but I also love having my own space - perhaps that's a bit selfish but I suspect if we were together 24/7 we're drive each other loony. As it is we enjoy the time we spend together.

[VincenzoG91]

I agree that she wants to reassess the relationship without having to worry about either of them seeing other people.

My advice to YOU is not to give your friend too much advice. If it goes bad, he might blame you, and there is no evidence of her behaving badly. I would probably advise you take on a more supportive, less opinionated role.

Good points. I know that I'm not in the right frame of mind to give relationship advice these days, but I do feel partly responsible for his situation. A year ago, I was pushing him to stop chasing a different woman who clearly didn't want him and focus on this one who sounded like a better match. He finally took that advice, so he considers my advice especially valuable for his current relationship. So I guess I'm outsourcing the advice to Love Forum. I told him about this site two years ago when I joined, but he doesn't feel comfortable getting advice from strangers.

[vashti]

I told him about this site two years ago when I joined, but he doesn't feel comfortable getting advice from strangers.

Strangers can't be held accountable for outcomes, but friends can. Just be careful...

[smackie9]

Good points. I know that I'm not in the right frame of mind to give relationship advice these days, but I do feel partly responsible for his situation. A year ago, I was pushing him to stop chasing a different woman who clearly didn't want him and focus on this one who sounded like a better match. He finally took that advice, so he considers my advice especially valuable for his current relationship. So I guess I'm outsourcing the advice to Love Forum. I told him about this site two years ago when I joined, but he doesn't feel comfortable getting advice from strangers.

This is more serious than chasing the wrong women. He is in a different frame of mind from two years ago and has learned more things about himself. I'm sure he is aware of your feelings about relationships at this time. He's a big boy now he will make his own assesment. This relationship means too much to him, he will follow his heart risking whatever happens.