Needing space or breaking up?

[talymo29]

Ok, here's the dilemma. I dated this guy for a year right after he got out of a horrible 10 year marriage. The first three months of our relationship was outstanding; passionate, conversation never ceased, intense and we had a very close bond with great communication. Four months into it, he asked me to move in with him and I did, against my better judgment. Time went on and over the next couple months of us living together, he became distant. I found out he was talking to other women on the side through eHarmony, Cupid.com and dating sites on his iPhone. I confronted him about this to which he replied "He was just trying to see what was out there", and that he wasn't physically active with any of them, nor had he met any of them in person. I believed him and told him how it made me feel, he promised to never do it again. Two months later, he leaves on a business trip to California and when he comes home, I find naked pictures of himself on his computer. I had never seen the pictures, so I confronted him about it and he told me he was making me a video. I believed him, but later found out that he had been texting them back and forth with an old girlfriend. I decided then was the time for me to leave, so I packed my things and as I was leaving, he begged me not to go. So, I stayed on the hopes that it would get better. After all this happened, I had trust issues with him. I became suspicious when he stopped coming home for lunch like he always did and never answered the phone when I tried to call him during those times. Then, he would always schedule work events before he would schedule any time with me. Granted, I know work is important, but I'd like to spend time with him too.
Our relationship went downhill every month after that and it got to the point where he wouldn't touch me, kiss me, hug me, or have sex with me. Finally, I broke. I was trying my best to keep his home clean, his meals cooked on time, and be part of our family, but it seemed like nothing I did was good enough. I told him that something had to change, that I needed to feel loved. That's when he bought me a one-way ticket 5 states away to my home town and told me that he needed some time to himself and that I needed time too with my family. He sent me away on the promise that he would buy my plane ticket home the next time he got paid which was in a week. It has been one month and two weeks and I am still 5 states away. I talk to him regularly and he says he still loves me but he isn't ready to be in a relationship again because he needs to be happy with himself first. He says that he can't give me what I need right now and he doesn't expect me to wait on him.
Problem is, I love this man more than anyone I have ever loved in my entire life. The times that we had that were good, we were amazing and I had never felt that way before, and I know he felt the same. I want to wait on him, but he never calls me on his own accord and I always feel like I am interrupting his busy life when I talk to him (as he places work as number one on his priority list). I've tried numerous times to end the relationship, but he always says that I am acting irrationally and that we should talk about it when I have "calmed down". I don't think he understands how much this is hurting me, and if he does, why he won't let me go or let me come home.
I want to fight for him, but I don't want to fight alone.
Please help me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to give up on him because he is the only man I have every truly loved, but I cry so much and I have lost so much weight because my nerves are shot. Everyday, everytime my phone rings or receives a text message I hope it is him, but it never is. This is killing me. I've told him how bad it hurts to be away from him and that if we are going to make this work, we need to be together, not apart, but he is scared of getting hurt and doesn't want to "make a decision based on emotion." What do I do?

[angel2002]

Dear:
This man doesnt love you. What he has done to you is crazy, and you should love yourself in first place.
Ok, you forgave him, everybody makes mistakes. You followed your heart, but he did it again, and he will keep doing it. what he did bout buying you a one way ticket is wrong, selfish.
If you are willing to suffer then you are in the right way.
You deserve someone to love you as much as you do love him. Maybe the decision of living together so soon was the wrong thing to do and it affected the relationship.
If you still wanna be with him, give him this time apart, and watch to see how things are gonna be
Good luck with everything

[girl68]

You are and would be fighting totally alone. It's a good thing you're so far away because now there isn't much you can do about it. Pick up your broken heart and carry on. That man and you are never going to happen.

[Gigabitch]

Run for the hills. You have found yourself a grade-A jerk.

In my opinion, if you get the opportunity to superglue his dick to his leg before you tell him sayonara, you should do it.

[IncognitoSir]

The best thing he did for you is send you back home. What a horrible way for him to leave you though. The method he used to get himself "space" is bad enough. You have the perfect opportunity to move on right now. He's not relationship material right now. You deserve better than his partial love so go find what you deserve, happiness.

[talymo29]

I definitely believe you guys are hitting the nail on the head. I just thought I was being insensitive to his needs by feeling that way about the situation. I am flying back up there Monday to get all my belongings from his house (to which at this notion, he flipped out on me saying that he unpacked everything I had packed up and put it 'back where it belongs'.)
When I told him I would be flying back out to get my belongings, he suggested we sit down and talk about things between us, to which I replied, "You never want to talk about anything serious between us, why would you want to do it then?". I think the only reason he is doing that is because I have an iPhone that he uses in my name and have furnished just about the entire house he lives in, so I think he is scared that I am going to take those things away. Would you take the things? Or would you just let them be? I'm not that materialistic, but my way of thinking is, "If he doesn't want to share a life with me, then why should he get to keep all the things I worked so hard to get for our life?" Shouldn't I just take my couches and my iPhone back so that I could furnish my new apartment I am going to get and give the phone to my little brother? If I do that though, it is a sure-fire end to anything we might have left.

[lahnnabell]

Take it ALL back.

[Gigabitch]

You have nothing left. You're just fooling yourself. Bring a crew of family and friends to help pack your things and a truck to move the furniture. Do this FIRST, before you talk to him, because you know very well you're a sucker for his lines and you might weaken and end up staying again. Just move out and tell him that if he wants you back, he has to start all over at square one with dating.

I'll bet he doesn't pout forth the effort.

[girl68]

Hell yeah take everything- especially the iphone- he seems attached to that.

[talymo29]

I wish I could take you guys with me. lol. That is what I will do. That is what my heart is telling me to do. I know he won't put any effort into it either once I start taking those things. He will just get pissed and start yelling, so I think instead of taking a whole bunch of friends and family, I will just have the cops come over and help me. I don't have very many people there to help me, just one friend in Colorado and all of my family is in Georgia.
Yeah, the iPhone is going to be the biggest hit for him. It is the only phone he has besides his work phone and he can't receive texts on that so no more texting a million girls on my phone line. That is going to feel good to do.

[girl68]

stick to your guns!

[EnjoyingLife]

Be strong and take everything you paid for. These things are yours and he should not get to keep them! Good luck!

[jessZ]

So sorry that you've been put through this kind of crap. You sound like a gorgeous, lovely girl, you deserve so much better!!

[talymo29]

Thank you guys so much for the overwhelming support. This is by far the worst heartbreak I have been through in my entire life and I am 29! I thought they stopped after a certain point but apparently I was wrong. Even though I am hurting deeply, I know that with each day that goes by, my heart will heal. I'm very certain that one day I will look back and wonder how I could have loved a man so much who treated me like a piece of garbage off the street. But, until then, it is always wonderful to have the support of other people, like yourselves. I will keep you posted on what happens. I have 4 days until I fly out to go get my stuff.

[angel2002]

Take everything you own back. he is a piece of shit and doesnt deserve anything of yours you worked so hard to get.
By the way doesnt surrend to his sweet and cheap talk. he is gonna hurt you bad again,youd eserve so much better. Move on, you are young and can easily find someone to share a life with
good luck