Am I being unreasonable?

[searock]

I know we are all bashing the boyfriend for being an ass.....but, lets be realistic here. If we were all parents, would we want our 22 year old, unmarried son having a baby because his girlfriend wanted to go ahead and have a baby and not have an abortion?? What would you want your 22 year old son to do?? Step up to the plate and be a good and caring boyfriend no matter what? OR.... try to fight the abortion thing and think logically about it knowing that he ain't ready to be a father at 22 yr old and we aren't ready to be grandparents?

When I was born, my mother was 21 and my father 24. I was an "accident", but they decided to have me and during my whole life, I have had everything I might have needed. My dad got a job and my mom dropped out of college to look after me, three years later my little brother was born. My mother eventually got into college again as my brother and I grew up (when we were teenagers), now she graduated with top marks. She and my dad are still together, we have a beautiful house and my dad went from being a simple employee to being a boss in one of the biggest sections of the company he works for. I am now 22 and in one of the best universities of my country and I feel life has been really good with me.

Still, I know that my parents weren't at the right age to have kids. Both my brother and myself feel like they weren't able to support us emotionally during our childhood and teenage years. Which now makes us kind of insecure and generally, not entirely emotionally healthy. Now my parents are a LOT more mature than the way I remember them from when I was a kid, and I'm sure that if I had been born when they were in their thirties, it would've all been different from that point of view. I myself know that right now, I am in no place to have or raise a child.

Anyway... I am very happy that my parents chose to have me..! But they were in love and were going to get married anyway. In this case, I think the OP did the right thing. The child wouldn't have had a loving family, nor the economical support.

[miffy]

As a (too) young father myself, I can tell you that you should be glad he was honest to himself enough to admit that he's not up to it. I cannot fathom how hard going through an abortion must be, and you have my sympathies. But it may have been for the best. I was 23 when I became a father, and boy was it way too early. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have fared much better. I'm sure you've learned a valuable lesson for yourself in terms of doubly making sure of contraception (sometimes it still happens, but you know...).

Anyway, be glad he didn't talk about having it and supporting you all the way, only to then run off. His behaviour after your procedure is understandable as well, given his age. He simply can't deal with it. I wouldn't put him down as an a-hole simply for that, he's just a kid, much like I was at the time. Of course it's terrible he didn't properly support you, and you'll have to draw your consequences for yourself. Just don't hate him for being ill equipped to deal with such a situation.

Best of luck!

[misombra]

Lol on the "i got off the pill and then i got pregnant!" discussion.

[MInME]

personally its completely understandable for some people to not know how to react to a pregnancy and maybe not say or do the right things. I got my ex pregnant but i was excited about it so i cant really relate on that level . My girlfriend did want an abortion though and she was saying we arent ready and that it would ruin our lives and she wanted to finish college first and all that, i figured alot of it was she didnt think i would be there . However after the fact when you were in bed and needed him more than any other time im assuming and his friends came before that is not a good boyfriend...To me that says alot about his priorities and you are not in the wrong at all .

[stuckies]

sorry to hear about what happened. Yes he got scared but what the hell does he think you're going (been) through. While I imagine you're hurt and feel let down, I think you know you did the right thing. Can you imagine he'd be any sort of decent father or partner to you after this?

If you feel you need support there are groups to help you but I wouldn't expect any more from this man.