Is my boyfriend being rude to me?

[PurpleStar]

Here's the situation: My boyfriend of 3 years has moved because he got a job. I live in the UK, he lives in Germany. We have decided to be long distance for now until I gain enough experience working here to get a job out there too. He has been there for 2 months now and our only communication is via Skype and weekend visits once a month.

The problem is his behaviour on Skype. First of all, we speak on skype 30 minutes-1 hour each night. I have told him that if he is going out with friends then it is absolutely fine with me if he misses our skype session that night as long as he gives me a quick e-mail to let me know not to wait around. Everything is fine and there is absolutely no jealousy or worry.

Now, the first few weeks on Skype I started to get quite annoyed by this particular habit of his. He would sit at his laptop talking to me, while browsing and chatting on facebook. Now, as you can imagine, I'm sitting there listening to him just tap away at keys, sometimes for 10 minutes having facebook conversations with other people while I'm sat there in silence. Even mid conversation he would cut me off and just start typing while I was talking. One night I sat there for 30 minutes just listening to keys tapping. Other times I will be talking to him and he will be so distracted that he will keep asking me to repeat what I said.

I told him one night that I took time out of my night to talk to him on Skype, and not to have a 3, 4 or 5-way conversation with his friends on facebook. I felt like I was just one of his tasks to tick off "chat the to girlfriend on skype - check!" even though we weren't talking. It was just me listening to him talk to other people. Every night. It got so tiring. So in the end I told him I won't continue talking to him on skype if he carries on because I don't want to come away from the computer angry every night. He agreed and that was that.

However now, he has picked up a new annoying habit. And I need your advice on this before I confront him, because I'm worried I'm being really bossy.

Every night, as soon as he signs on to skype, from the moment he says "hello", he is playing video games. He puts them on the exact time he goes on skype. It like he thinks it's killing two birds with one stone, kind of thing. Fitting me and games into his schedule. And it's frustrating.

Tonight I sat on Skype for two hours, waiting for him to finish his game. The entire conversation consisted of me trying to start conversation, him tapping on his controller and swearing at the game and then telling me about what's going on in the game. "Oh! yes! I killed that boss". I sat there for 2 hours, feeling like some kind of idiot, the whole time waiting for his game to end so we can actually TALK to each other, and he then had the absolute nerve to say "Ok, I'm going to go to bed now, I've just finished the game ".

WOW... 2 hours I sat there, listening to him play games, just for him to then go to bed? That's it!? He has been doing this for a week now and it's starting to get on my nerves. I get really upset some nights because I just feel like I don't matter.

I have said many times to him "We don't have to skype every day if you're busy" and he downright insists we do. So what am I supposed to do?

Am I right in thinking he's being completely rude to me?

[Mdates]

Yes he is rude! The way he puts you off on the skype, is like he is just going through the motions with you! Like you said, if you're busy, just email me, but he insists on skyping and annoying you! When you talk to him, asked him first, what is going on and that you feel annoyed and if he can't see the rudeness, let him have it sister!

[pisces25]

Stop going on Skype and see what happens. Maybe you are being too easy and compliant to what he wants. Make a stand that when it is time for you to talk, it's time for you to talk. By you sitting on there for 2 hours watching him play a game it is kind of not really showing him that you aren't happy with what is happening. He thinks it's ok.

Another thing I am in a LDR and I would find 30 mins - 1 hour of Skype everyday a bit too hard to maintain. Perhaps allowing him to play his video games say 2-3 nights a week and the other times is Skype-only time may solve the problem?

Were you guys living together before he moved?

[miffy]

Men usually have a lot of trouble multi-tasking. I know I have, and I have a lot of experience with LDRs (working ones).

Two tips: one, try to find something to do together via distance. That can be playing a game together, watching a show or movie together simultaneously and talking about it, etc.. he sounds like a guy who needs to be occupied, and simply staring at Skype and talking isn't his thing. It's rude and inconsiderate and you need to tell him, but it's also clear he won't completely change his behaviour, that's how he his. So try to find another way of connecting and communicating together.

Secondly, don't turn contact into a daily schedule. Regular contact is important and essential, but you don't want it to turn into routine. It just becomes a task for him then, he's simply different to you in that. Instead, give your talks a topic. Make sure he knows you want to talk about XY, such as something specific happened to you, wanting to talk about something you're interested in. If all else fails, make him horny. Imagination is a powerful tool, and you have sooo many tools at your disposal to make an LDR exciting.

[vashti]

He thinks this behavior is okay because you haven't stopped it. The next time he does it, tell him you are getting off Skype, and he should try you again when he is free. Maybe you should also consider spending less time on skype.

[vashti]

I should add that I don't think this needs to be said with hostility. He does this because you haven't objected, so he probably simply doesn't know it's a problem. He just needs to understand that your time is too valuable to waste, and you are no longer interested in sitting and watching him play video games or post Facebook messages.

[smackie9]

Put on some sexy lingerie, and have cyber sex. That will make him shut everything off.

[smackie9]

He is rude in a way he is not. Remember you are not the only person he moved away from. He misses his friends too and they demand his attention just as much as you. The only way he can socialize with them is through the games that he plays. As for you, he is just being comfortable in your relationship to a point other things will interest him more. It happens to all couples. LDR's are usually intense if they are a new relationship, but since you have already been together for 3 years, there is no intensity. That is why you have to "spice" things up a bit. I wasn't kidding about the cyber sex. You want his attention, that will definitly get it. He will clue in how much of a jerk he has been for ignoring you like that.