Very Very Difficult Relationship Promblem

[Russell]

My name is Russell and I have a very complicated situation and pretty much desperate for help now

Im 21 years old,
Im easy going
Im 6ft tall
Down to earth aussie guy
And as far as feelings go, im a typical male that bottles it up inside of me and never lets it to the outside world....until now, because im desperate for help

I have a girlfriend Sarah (19 years old) for 5 years now, we share a rental house and are fully in love with each other...Everything is perfect appart from one big thing...

For the past 4 years now iv had a crush on her younger sister kayla (18 years old)

At first I just thought she was cute, but over the period of time iv found im more and more in love with her and think about her all the time

Just to set the record straight, I do NOT flirt with her, and she does not flirt with me, iv kept my feelings for her secret from her and absolutly everyone and never for a second exposed any hints or thoughts of liking her over the entire 4 years!
Iv completly kept it bottled inside of me. I would on average see her once a week, we get along well as friends

Its absolutly draining me!, Its draining my relationship with Sarah, I feel like my love for Kayla is so much stronger and getting stronger all the time, yet I feel helpless because I cant say anything to Kayla becuase im dating her sister and for such a long time now. And for that matter Kayla most likely doesnt even like me in any other way apart from a friend (No normal sister would bottle up feelings for their sisters boyfriend so I know she wouldnt like me that way obviosly)

I think the only option for me is to get over her...but iv tried

Iv gotten over previous girlfriends before no worries at all, like a water off a ducks back but I just cant get over Kayla (iv been trying for 2 years)

Iv tried so VERY hard to get over her, I tried not seeing her for a few months, It just didnt work, I still thought of her, and soon as I seen her again, all my feelings are all still there and strong!

I tried to convert my feelings of love into being just a friend/brother in law to be, but inside its still killing me

Its tearing me apart inside, Iv hit rock bottom
Its such a long long story, but thats the basics, does any one have any suggestions at all of what I can do?

In a dream world, I wish I could be with Kayla, Id do almost anything for it, but selfish it is, I dont want to leave Sarah because im afraid if I lose Sarah then I might lose Kayla, and ill do anything to still get to see her...messed up :/

[Alban]

Lol you are helpless how can one fall in love with the sister of his gf ?
And you say you are fully in love with each other but you love her sister ? RIDICIOULUS
In your place it's very complicated just think about breaking up already it's not good to make someone think something what doesn't even exist ! IT HURTS

[Lily_of_Isles]

I can actually relate to your situation.

Let me explain.

It was about 2 years ago. I was now in a relationship with a guy who'd been my friend for a long time, and I realized that being more than friends with him was great. We had nearly everything in common, there were never any arguments or disagreements, we'd do anything for each other, everything - even after the 'honeymoon phase'.
THEN someone whom I used to know moved back into town. He had been gone for years, but now he was back. And guess what? Before he'd moved away, I had a MASSIVE crush on him. Oh, it was ridiculous like you wouldn't believe. I wrote him songs, followed him around like a puppy, I was always bragging to people about how awesome he was. You can probably tell I was very young, but that only made the emotions more intense and less controlled.
Well, somehow, when he moved back, he'd gotten hotter. All the appeal was still there. I either froze up or went dizzy whenever he got close to me.

Like you, I didn't flirt with him because I didn't want to lose my current boyfriend. And he didn't flirt with me.

After I began to realize I was being consumed by the struggle between my love for my current boyfriend and my lust for the new guy, I knew I had to sit down with myself one night and make a decision.

I had to choose one.

I made a decision then and stuck to it. I decided to stay with my boyfriend. Of course I still felt a "pang" of some emotion whenever I saw the other guy, so I dealt with it by gradually distancing myself from him. Now, years later, he doesn't bother me one bit. I've gotten over my crush.

The point is, it's all about not letting frivolous emotions control you. No matter what kind of "crush" I feel for someone else, I'd never let go of someone I loved for someone I simply lust after. I decided to remain loyal. I decided to have self control and not let my emotions control me.
You have to make that choice (or another) for yourself now. You can't live perpetually not knowing which one you want, you have to make a choice.

Whatever decision you make, weigh the risks and benefits.

If you stay with your current girlfriend, your strong feelings for her sister will gradually fade.

If you go for her sister and she likes you, too, you may have the relationship you wanted with her. However, your current girlfriend will feel very betrayed and there will inevitably be some tension there.

If you go for her sister and she doesn't take her sister's boyfriend flirting with her well, she'll probably tell her sister (your girlfriend) and neither of them will trust you anymore.

Whatever decision you make, best of luck to everyone involved.

[TeeJay19]

Seems to me you're in a lose/lose situation no matter who you decide to be with. The solution isn't to try and pick one, because it's highly unlikely Kayla is into you, and even if she is she probably wouldn't do that to her sister. And unfortunately as long as you stay with Sarah you'll never get over Kayla because you're to keep having to see her.

So really the solution is quite simple: Break up with Sarah and don't be with either of them. Let's face it, you don't love Sarah. If you did you wouldn't want to dump her for her sister. And you'll never get over Kayla if you don't stop seeing. Plus, Sarah deserves to be with someone who's totally committed to her which you're not. It's probably not the answer you wanted to hear but it's the right thing to do.

[robertone]

oh my god,how can you do it?i don't understand,love really can happen at anytime and anywhere,but i think you can't do that,otherwise,you will lose them both.

[sadie_genie]

They are sisters. It won't work. Just forget about it.

[surfhb]

This all comes down to maturity.