Help in decoding his behaviour .... !

[cheeky_cherry41]

Hey peeps

I have been dating a man for about 4 months now. At the beginning he was chasing me like crazy, after our first meeting he wanted to meet the next morning and he never wanted me to leave. We met about 10 times all together because we live in different cities. Sometimes he was even very nervous around me that he would tremble and you could see his hands shaking. This is bearing in mind that this guy is very confident and well spoken. He has made it clear to me that he thinks that I am much more attractive than him (I am also 5 years younger). When we are together, people look at us alot and I think that may make him a little insecure. All the way through I was showing enough interest but not as much as he showed in me. He even asked at one stage if we were in a relationship and I said, there is definitely something developing but didnt confirm it as I wasnt sure at the time. Anyway after 2 months into dating, I saw some pictures of him on facebook with a woman he says is his ex. I asked him and he said that they were just friends. I decided I would back off a little because I was afraid he was still seeing her. But we continued to communicate and he continued to show his interest. Then we didnt see each other for a month because I was sick, and he went away with friends doing some activities. I felt that something had changed. One weekend, he disappeared and I later found out he went away with his so called ex. The last time we met, he seemed confused. One time he would be holding my hand and really looked like he was in love. And the other he was very hostile and looked like he just wanted to leave. When I reflected back at the date, I realised that I wasnt being very affectionate and may have come across as too confident, he may have felt intimidated?. So I am wondering whether he was getting frustrated because I wasnt showing him much affection back. But what does he expect if we are not in a real relationship yet and he is still seeing his ex?

Anyway, after the last date, I thought that maybe I need to tell him how much I liked him. So I texted him saying that. He replied back with a nice message but didnt reciprocate. Then I was baffled!! What does this guy want? So I didn't respond. My ego was hurt, and especially after his strange behaviour during our date.

A week later, he said he has noticed I have been distanced, and I said we need to talk. He avoided talking, and said he knew what was up and he's trying to sort that out. I didnt want him to have the upper hand and let him think that I will wait around for him to sort things out (despite the fact that I really do have feelings for this guy) so I told him that I am confused and that I wont tolerate him seeing me and seeing other people at the same time. And wished him good luck. I thought that if he really wanted me I would get a response back.

Its been a week and he hasnt responded yet. Was I so insignificant that he doesnt think its worth replying to? Then what about all the feelings he showed me at the beginning? What is he trying to sort out exactly? I cant figure this guy out. I still have him on my facebook and I can see that he went on a holiday which he never mentioned to me (he always told me when he was about to go somewhere)..looks like he went alone. He's a busy guy and doesn't just take random days off. Why is he taking time out? Is he confused about what he wants. And why has he not responded, does he just not care enough? Is he trying to avoid argument? Is he playing a mind game and wants me go to him? Does he want to leave the door open?

I know its hard to work out what's going on from your end, but I am going crazy thinking of the endless possibilities.

[Wakeup]

Listen: This guy is playing you. Why would you even want anything to do with a guy that has a picture of him and his ex up as his FB photo? Even if she is his ex it's more than obvious that he has unfinished feelings for her if he's hanging onto photos of him and her still being a couple. I suspect that she's no where near his 'ex' and that you are the bit on the side.

You told him you won't share him and what did he do? He left without a word. That means that either he is not willing to commit to exclusivity to you or that he cannot give you what you want because he is already committed to someone else.

There are a lot of red flags to this guy. Don't be silly and stick around for an emotionally tumultuous half-assed relationship with a guy that cannot or will not give you what you've asked for. If he contacts you again in three weeks like nothing has changed and you'll just jump back in his arms then ignore him all together.

Also: It's very important that you communicate what you want in the future instead of doing manipulative things or voicing ultimatums to try and get what you want. Telling him you won't share him to try and get him to commit to you is the backwards way to go about things. Next time tell him you'd like exclusivity and would he like that to. If he says no, then YOU have a decision to make and that would be a good time to break up with someone who is not on the same page as you.

This one? Well, he's playing you anyway so good thing you dodged a bullet.

[Cerby]

I thought that if he really wanted me I would get a response back.

Its been a week and he hasnt responded yet.

You answered your own question right here. The gig was up, you gave an ultimatum he wasn't interested in following, and that was the end of it. You were just a side dish to whatever main course he was eating already, probably his ex.

[haxan]

Too many games. You dated awhile, he asked if you two were in a relationship and you said you weren't sure. It seems he took that answer as a sign to explore other opportunities and people. Looks like you lost out.

[cheeky_cherry41]

Thanks for the responses guys. I took your advice and just went silent.

4 weeks later, I began to get one message a week. It started off with a very early and eager birthday message, followed by a journal article relating to my work. After that didn't yield any response from me, he began addressing the problem.. saying something went very wrong and we should discuss it so that there is no animosity in case we bump into each other. Blah blah blah. I saw right through it, so I ignored. Last one a few days ago seemed like a drunken one as it was sent at 4 am and had bad spelling, he was asking if we can talk. Ignored that one too. And I have a feeling it wont be the last. Is this because I haven't blocked methods of communication? I didn't block him off FB, or anything else. Is that making him think that there is a way back? I can see right through all this BS and would love to teach this guy a lesson, but I have no idea how.

[Maple1714]

Dang...I had a very similar situation. He is playing you. He may really "like" you but he doesn't know what he wants and keeps women on the hook so he doesn't get lonely and/or he likes the attention. You have to just forget him and move on. There are plenty of men out there that do know what they want and they wont play games with you. He probably started contacting you again b/c his "ex" gave him the boot. The guy who treated me like this didn't respond to my request to talk about things and then just like you contacted me about a month later...like nothing ever happened. He wanted to hang out again...I ignored him and then the drunk texts started coming...bad spelling and all at 3am. What an idiot. You KNOW you deserve everything that you want and ask for and my guy now...I don't have to ask he already gives me everything

[Maple1714]

...And it's a waste of time to try and teach him a lesson. I know it hurts to be treated this way and it is a blow to the ego...but he is already suffering. He is lonely. Don't take rejection personally, it's not about you it's about the other person or whoever is rejecting you.