Who to choose

[anon772]

So I have been with my current girlfriend for four years and 2 months and our relationship goes up and down. We don't fight a lot, which is good, but my feelings for her just aren't there sometimes. She's a great person - don't get me wrong, but I just don't get that crazy-in-love, racing heart feeling anymore. Even when we are apart on vacation or something, I don't really miss her a lot. When we hang out now, someone watching us could probably tell we aren't as happy as we used to be. I know she loves me a lot still but I don't want to do this to her if I don't feel the same back. Idk if I sound like a jerk, but I can't really help how I feel. We did have that crazy-in-love stage for the first couple years, but I don't really feel it anymore. And for a serious relationship to last even longer I want that feeling to always be there.

I've known a friend of mine for two years and she is just amazing. My heart races and I get that heavy beating feeling and butterflies in my stomach whenever we talk in person or text. Even if it's just a passing-by wave and hello, I still get all those feelings. And whenever we talk (in person I hide it) but when we text I always have a big smile on my face and I can just tell that I really like her a lot. She's also a really good person - one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen, smart, cute personality, all the perfect qualities I like. The downside is she's taken and I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize that or make her cheat, but I do know that I may be happier with her.

I don't know what to do :/ any suggestions?

[hermionegranger]

Forget about choosing, because the second girl is taken anyway, and you really need to figure our the status of your current relationship. Even if you do break up with your current GF, because you don't feel butterflies anymore (come on, you've been together for 4 years!), please know that the butterflies wont last with a new GF either. Love changes - butterflies get converted into trust and admiration. It doesn't mean that there is no love - just the love has changed into something longer-lasting and deeper. If there are other problems in your relationship, you should analyze them, too, before breaking up in the hope of new butterflies.

[anon772]

So I guess the question is whether or not I should stay with my current girlfriend? I may have misinterpreted what I wanted to say - I guess I just don't feel anything much anymore with my current girlfriend. In a couple big fights where we broke up, I didn't cry or feel sad, and I know that isn't a good thing. And the reason why this problem was come up is because she's currently on vacation and I don't really miss her (hate to say it but I'm not going to lie).

[hermionegranger]

Yes, I think the main question here is, what to do with your current relationship. Since you now noted that you have had break-ups before, then you really should think about, whether you two have (or even want?) a future together. What are the main problems you've been fighting about, are they solvable and do you even want to solve them, etc.

[anon772]

Well I mean doesn't it prove something's wrong if I don't cry/feel sad at all when we break up? and how I don't really miss her right now?

We don't really have a lot of fights anymore and the ones we do have are just over silly things so I'm more focused on my feelings right now

[Cerulean.]

OP, it sounds to me that you just want us to tell you to leave your current girlfriend and try to win your friend's heart... or that you have a chance with your said friend. Sorry. Not going to do that. If anything, you should leave your current girlfriend so she can find someone else that will treat her right and love her for her. Someone who knows that the "honeymoon stage" of the relationship won't last but the love they have for that person will. As for you, you can go and date women until you find one that is worth spending more time with and hopefully learn yourself that the honeymoon stage doesn't last, and that you'll want to keep this one.

Good luck.

[toknow]

"The downside is she's taken and I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize that or make her cheat, but I do know that I may be happier with her."

But you are, and going to continue to jeopardize her relationship with the other guy, otherwise you wouldn't be here talking about her.

But, I'm not going to tell you not to, because you are going to do it anyway. And if their relationship is worth anything it will survive you, so your trying for her would be just a little test for their relationship.

[UdoKier]

I just hope you don't make the same mistake I did, and cheat and leave a fantastic girl because of immaturity and fear of complacency. Wait to you see her with her new beau, knowing he'll have her legs spread high in the air at the end of the night, then you'll know how you really feel about her. When I saw my long term ex with a guy who was better looking, taller, better educated and funnier than me(at least I was more athletic and made more money than him, ha!)...I thought if this guy is chasing her maybe she is more if a catch than I thought. Regret sinks in like a cold knife.