Broke but in love

[Endrew]

Alright ladies and gentlemen, here's my situation. My girlfriend and I have been dating for six months and we live together, along with her two young daughters. We're in love and we intend to stay together for the long haul. Some might say six months isn't long enough to know, but we have kind of a long history before we were dating, and it just feels right. We've been discussing the idea of marriage for a while already, only recently it's gotten more and more serious as time has gone on.

I want to marry this woman, and she wants to marry me. We already know that I'm going to propose to her eventually, the only question at this point is how and when. And I would like to do it sooner rather than later. But the problem is, I'm broke. Like paycheck-to-paycheck, 3 maxed out credit cards broke. She showed me her dream engagement ring, and since I do have a good-paying job, I know I'll eventually be able to afford the monthly payments on it, but I can't right now because of my short-term debts that need to be taken care of first. But I am determined to make my intentions known soon. So I'm wondering, is it unusual or unheard of for a man to buy a woman a lower-cost engagement ring as a stand-in for the one she really wants? In my specific example, I'd be looking at an engagement ring for the proposal costing around $350-450 which is the most I can afford right now. But after a while, say maybe six months down the line (we already know it's going to be a long-term engagement) I'd like to give her the one she showed me, which is around $1,800.

Have any of you ever done this, or known somebody who has?

[WynnieJames]

I think you probably should wait and save your money for six months to wow her with the ring she wants. She'll appreciate the $450 ring but wouldn't it be better, even economically, to save up for the $1800 ring instead of buying two rings ($450+$1800)?

[steviej]

Op, perhaps you could explain this to me because i have never been able to understand it. You've only been with this girl 6 months yet you want to rush into marriage? Your finances are struggling, yet you want to get in even more debt to buy a ring? (Not to mention the cost of getting married!)
If she is the one you're going to spend the rest of your life with...what's the rush? Give yourself something to look forward to! Why cripple yourselves financially for no gain, when you could propose to her in say 3/5 + years time? Also, rather than doing it now with a cheap ring, getting down on one knee at mcdonalds, if you wait a few years you could use the ring you really want and do it at a truly memorable, romantic location such as on holiday somewhere.

[bluesummer]

There is never a need to rush into marriage. If you are happy together enjoy it and get married when the time is right. I agree with steviej, why do it quickly and cheaply when you could wait it out and do it right?

Also, does your girlfriend know about your financial issues? I'm serious about this. If you're planning to get married, you need to be completely transparent about your finances. Money is the reason for so many divorces, and it seems to me she doesn't realize that you're living paycheck to paycheck if she wants an $1800 ring. The next question is if you have three maxed out cards and are living so tightly, how do you figure you're going to pay this off? (I'm a banker). Did you get in some sort of situation where you had no money for awhile and had to live off your cards, or are you living off your cards STILL?

Again, there is absolutely no need to rush into marriage if the relationship is sound. If you feel like you MUST marry her immediately, I'm concerned you may be extremely needy. Time to do a little introspection.