Do I still want my ex girlfriend back?

[Aapiej]

Hi guys,

I'm new here so don't be too harsh on me. I've got quite a complicated problem . I'll try and summarize the situation. At the moment I'm 21 years old. When I was in high school (age 16) I used to have a girlfriend which lasted one and a half year. We shared everything, from first kiss to first time. I broken up with her a year before graduating because, well... I got curious of other girls, since I got a lot more attention from them than I used to. I considered myself too young to have a serious relation like that. Maybe back then it was wise, but i regret it now. For I see now, we were perfect for each other.

The story doesn't end here. We decided to stay close friends, for we were in the same class (this did eventually work actually). But after a year of trying this after the break up, as will come to no surprise to you all, eventually we started doing the friends with benefits thing. Very exciting and it seemed harmless. This lasted 2 years (even went on while we were in university). It was a period of unspoken feelings. It boiled down to her wanting me back at the start, hiding those feelings for she thought I didn't feel the same way, and eventually me wanting her back after these two years but she having to reject me, for she was forced to see me purely as a friend. Eventually after these two years of a complicated relationship, we wrote each other a letter (which was a year ago) agreeing the situation was frustrating but it was better off leaving it this way and not seeing each other for as long as it takes.

I haven't seen her since (a year now). It seems ages ago. I've run a marathon to get over her, which worked for a while. And I even have a new girlfriend, whom I do like very much. The point is, even though I seemed to have moved forward, I still think of my ex/best friend a lot. Which worries me. Every love song I hear doesn't make me think of my current girlfriend but of her. I keep on wondering what she's doing with her life. Which men she is meeting. I know she hasn't been with another guy than me till present. She just isn't very good with guys, but perfect with me. I keep on trying to find hopeless excuses asking old friends how she's doing. I seemed to be doing fine once I ran that marathon and started going steady with my current girlfriend. But now I seem to have come in the frustrating 'one that got away' spiral once again. I'm still convinced eventually I'll end up with her again. I find it unfair towards my current girlfriend though. What should I do? Will this feeling fade? Do I think of her because of high school nostalgia? Should I find ways to contact her or will this definately block things going back the way they used to be. Should I even be wanting things to be as they used to be?

I even catch myself dreaming about her for crying out loud!

You might think this is ridiculous and very ego centric of me. If so, you're probably right. But if there's someone with the same experience or anyone else who can give me advice, comment if you would like. I can always explain the situation further.

Thanks in advance you guys,

Kind Regards Aapiej

[smackie9]

Break up with your present GF. She isn't enough to help you to move on from your ex, that means she isn't the one. Seek out you ex one more time and express your feelings to her. Your lack of really communication with her was the issue all along. So use this opportunity to clearly get your message across to her. If she rejects you, than means she have moved on, and no longer has those feelings for you. You will finally have that closure that you need to move on and find the one that is truly right for you. You are still young tho, and you will change with age, your point of view will change, personality, goals, etc. So your view of her now, probably will change if you wait it out long enough, but you are right, this is not fair to your GF now. Maybe what you have needed all this time is closure.....so the what ifs can finally be answered.