Girlfriend Doesn't Love Herself?

[damien1993]

Heyy

I'm a little confused.. Recieving affection from her, or her initiating anything, or her showing me any sort of love has always been a pestering problem to me and through the whole 2 years of our relationship, i always thought it was me who wasn't doing something right, so i've been to the moon and back looking for answers, trying different things, i take her out, show her a good time, tell her she's beautiful, plan romantic piknicks etc etc etc..

I mean she used to be really affectionate through our first few months, but after that, it died off (honeymoon phase?).. But i MEAN DIED OFF..
She never tells me she loves me first, never goes out of her way to show me affection, never initiates sex, and i'm honestly doing everything in my power to show her how much she means to me and we've spoken several times about this.. Quick back story:
-she was abused by her mother
-never knew her real father
-left home at 16 when we met and lived in a refuge for 6 months (not because of me but her mother) we are now 18 and 19
-lived with me for a year (i lived with my dad)
-moved out and now has a place of her own
I think it's worth noting that i believe her affection issues stem from a lack of affection and acceptance from her parents.

Basically she says she doesn't love herself so she finds it hard to accept my affection.. And this goes for sex, she never initiates, general affection too like kisses and hugs etc.. I'm the one doing all of it and it seems like she doesn't like it because sometimes she pushes me away, or is just un interested or more interested in her phone.. She returns ily's but i don't believe it because its only after i say it (all the time).. The only thing keeping me from letting go is the fact that she hasn't either..
Like 2 days ago, i did her a favour and bought a her swimming costume while she was at work so we could go beach after and all i asked in return was a random hug at any time she wanted.. Still havn't recieved it, and i mentioned it to her last night..

So my question is, what's the deal, is it true what she says about not loving herself so she can't accept my love. If so what can i do to help it, and don't say shower her with affection and i love you's and your the most important thing in the world because i do that every single day and get nothing back.. What should i do.. I know she's trying because last night i tried to initiate sex, she seemed semi interested but not forward enough so i was confused and stopped, so she came back and started playin around and i played along, then halfway through foreplay, she lost eye contact, rubbing her eyes aggressivley, and just didn't seem into it.. So i stopped and got irritated because this is happening so often where she confuses me and in turn i feel rejected..

How can i tell her how i feel about her negative attitude withough causing further damage? She puts herself down every now and then but shrugs it off as if she doesn't care, i don't think she's fishing for compliments cause every time she dresses up i tell her she's beautiful, and my god she's gorgeous, but this really kills me..
I'm litterally at breaking point cause i can't live any longer being rejcted, but i'm not giving up until i've exhausted every option.. This is my last call for help...

[basilandthyme]

Damien, call me harsh, but I don't give a rats what happened in someone's past. The only thing that matters is how they treat a person in the here and now.

Stop cutting her so much slack. If she won't meet your needs, then get rid of her and find someone who will.

Life's too short to spend trying to fix someone who's broken. Besides, you can't fix her - she needs to take responsibility for her actions and take the steps to fix herself.

[Boisdevie]

Backstory. I hate that bloody word.
And who gives a toss what happened before you met. It's just so much bullsh.ite. Convenient excuse.

[damien1993]

Thanks for the feedback guys but that's a little un called for.. I know you've probably herd it all before, but i didnt fall in love with a cold girl.. I fell for the girl underneath that.. You've probably herd that before too but anyway moving on.. Actually, i broke up with her last night.. It's so hard because we both still love eachother immensley but the relationship was deteriorating us.. But it's not over yet.. I still have some really important questions..

We meshed so well as friends and it's unfortunate our romance didnt last, but the way we were when we wern't being romantic was just like being around one of my friends.. If fact best friends.. We talked about anything and everything, we laughed, mucked around, played playstation together, got high together and so much more and this was all without romance.. And i want to keep that..

She's a lonely girl and has low self esteem, i don't want her to live that way because underneath her cold hard shell she's the most warm vibrant and fun to be around girl i've met.. I don't want to be another person in her life who deserted her, everyone she's ever known has left her.. I don't wanna do that, she means too much to me..

And i'm not speaking romantically, i'm speaking genuinely from my heart.. I told her i just want her to include me in her life.. But i'm scared of a few things..
-i dont want her future boyfriends to be jealous, nor my future girfriends to be jealous ( so if we decide to go through with this we'll make it very clear to our new partners about our relation ship and for them to accept it)
-i don't want it to be awkward when we hang with mutual friends
-i want to have the same connection and bond with her without the romance

I know there's still feelings of romance in me and her but i know given time for the both of us, we can talk one day and be the same.. Or is it a terrible idea?

[Boisdevie]

I know there's still feelings of romance in me and her but i know given time for the both of us, we can talk one day and be the same.. Or is it a terrible idea?

Well some of us have been around the block so we might, just might know what we're talking about. But feel free to ignore this advice and just do what you want to do anyway. To avoid wasting our time in future why don't you just ask us to tell you what you would like to hear?
Good luck. Because you're going to need it.