Help! Unbelievably lost and confused

[Xmaarksthespot]

Hi everyone! I've never done one of these posts but I have found that outside advice from people who don't know you is often the best kind of advice. Please be as direct and honest as you want. I appreciate you reading.

So about 2.5 years ago I started dating this guy. He was 18 and I was turning 20. There has been a lot of crap that has happened between us in the first year. I wasn't perfect in the beginning when he needed me the most. He lost his virginity to me but I already lost mine to my ex of 5 years. This created a lot of insecurities in him, especially since in the beginning I thought nothing serious of this relationship and having sex with him was a joke to me.

He was younger and he was going through all the stuff I've already gone through, the partying and staying out late. Once I realized I wanted to be with him and loved him all of this made me insecure. He broke up with me 3 times and one time he made out with someone else but he swears he drank too much and doesn't remember (I heard from people). He said that if that's what people are saying happened then it happened and he apologized and we fixed things and moved on.

He continued to hang out with his friends every weekend but he swore he loved me. There was this friend of his who was a girl that made me really insecure but she was at every party he was at. We fought a lot about her and eventually mutually broke up.

We didn't talk much during the break up except for when we were fighting. One night I had a dream that he hooked up with that girl but I just brushed it off as being my insecurities and told myself that he's not mine anymore. He contacted me almost a month after being broken up and said he wanted to get back together. He said he made out with that girl and he was sorry and that he will spend forever making it up to me. And he did. I believed he loved me and he was just different than before.

It has been a year and a half since we got back together and haven't broken up since. However this whole time I've been having feelings that something else happened between them that he is not telling me. Every time he told me nothing happened and sat with me while I cried. Around 3-4 months ago I had that feeling again but this time it was stronger and I told him that I will contact her and ask her myself if he doesn't tell me. He broke down and told me that he slept over her house that night and she went down on him but he couldn't get it up. We spent weeks crying over it and I was starting to get over it until I had that feeling again. I contacted her behind his back and she was really nice about it and told me they slept together and apologized to me. She said it was only that one night and that he contacted her the day after and told her it was a mistake and that he has feelings for me and that she hasn't talk to him since.

He cried for weeks and asked for me back and told me that he is ashamed of his past and he thought that if he could make me happy that doing what he did wouldn't make a difference. And he really has been good to me this past year and a half which is why him lying to made everything so devistating.

I'm a really understanding person and I know we broke up for good and we had no intention of getting back together and that I was free to do the same he was but I can't understand the lying and watching me suffer for so long without saying a word. We made up since then and have been together but not a day passes by that I don't question him about things in the past. He has been very patient with me and hasn't been getting mad at me for feeling the way I do and has been very understanding and there for me in every way. It has been 3-4 months and I am now more insecure than ever. Last night he said we should take a break for a bit because I need to figure out what I want. The problem is that I had a dream about him cheating on me with her last night and now I'm more upset and confused than ever. Now I feel like he has been cheating on me with her again.

I don't know if I'm crazy or what I should do. Someone please help.

[Beenthere]

I think you need to speak with a counsellor alone and then together. He hasnt helped matters with the lying and your gut instinct was right once, so now you think you have to believe its right all the time. You should never ignore your gut, but if your relationship is going to work, you have to learn to trust each other. Otherwise he'll be miserable listening to you, and you'll be miserable worrying what he is doing when he is not with you and whether he is lying when is. Dont think you have to be married to get counselling, talk to someone..

[Fruitss]

Somehow i only feel sorry for this guy.

And i think its better in many situations too ask advice from people that know u.
Cause they often know more about th story and your behavior.

I feel more sorry for the dude cause it look like u went like men often do for a virgin young guy.
Just too use them for the sex. I mean i though only guys where that cruel.
U make a shame of us girls now.

And i wonder what a grown up like u older then him that have been true all he was going true
have too do with him?
Like he wasnt that far jet.
And sounds like u wasnt into his childish things.

Sex is made for marriage. For your husband.
Cause it do a lot with people especially with the first person they have sex with.
And people often keep hanging and forcing relationships cause they did it with whatever person
for the first time.
And feel like they have too stay with that first person.

I really think u need too leave the guy alone.
Cause its like u r a old ass forcing your grown thinking on him.
While he is like a lost fish , swimming around trying too find out who he is.etc.

Let him be with people of his age. ANd u go ahead with things u have not been true it jet with people of your age.

[Fruitss]

* I feel more sorry for the dude cause it look like u went like men often do for a virgin young GIRLS.