Should I break up with a girl I truly love? help

[dumbdude]

Ok so I am 28 and up until 2 years ago I had never had a girlfriend. This sucked. It was all I ever wanted. I was also a virgin (other than oral sex). Well I met this girl online and we got to know each other and 3 months later we moved in together. It was great to be loved and cherished by someone. Granted, the whole time I thought she was sorta dumb, emotially numb (about social issues and the suffering of others). She also didnt have a good relationship with her family. I didnt either but it was something I wanted. Another thing is that she didnt make much money or have any financial sense (lots of dent she cant pay). In the last two years she has really calmed down though and she thanks me for helping her and talking some sense into her. She doesnt drink anymore, she spends her money more wisely,etc. I love how she always thanks me for educating her on stuff. It makes me feel smart.

Physically, she has gained a little weight. I cant say that I'm really attracted to her anymore. We still have sex, but I'm often thinking about someone else.

I have thought about breaking up with her many times but I was scared of hurting her or being alone the rest of my life (up until i met her i was depressed and hated life). She has given me confidence and made me laugh a lot. She has been there for me the entire 2 years (including when my father was sick with cancer). She does a lot of goofy things to make me smile, she has a child like innocence and cheerful personality. She is always up for going somewhere and having fun. She tells me she loves me 5+ times a day and that feels great. She doesn't stimulate me intellectually but she does make me take things less seriously or over analyze things. I can truely say that I love her! She plans on marrying me and having a baby.

However, I always wondered what life would be like with someone else. Maybe a smarter girl, with a good job, family life etc. Well, a few days ago a grade school teacher told someone she wanted to date me and she gave me her number. I was flattered and my mind suddenly started thinging about how she is probably what I always wanted....beautiful, smart, steady job, good friends, no wild past, goes to church etc. I said I would go out with her. This made me think of what I would have to do...break up with my current gf. The thought of doing this makes me cry because I know how it would crush her. I also think about someone else not cherishing her child like nature and taking advantage of her. Boyfriends in the past have cheated on her. I cry thinking about someone hurting her because truly is a beautiful person despite some flaws.

Another that gets me is that she has had about 12 other boyfriends....ive had 1 gf. It seems like she has got to have sex with many people and find out what she wants whereas I don't really know what else is out there. She doesnt know this though...she thinks I have had other girlfriends and sex with many other women.

So what should I do? This seems like the biggest decision in my life. I cant eat or sleep.

[bearz]

You're right, that's a pretty messed up situation you put yourself in. Besides wanting to experience something different and your girlfriend gaining some weight, is there anything else that is bothering you, that is making you want to break up with her? I'm sure there are ways to handle the weight problem, just don't ask me how. You definitely don't want to step on her toes and upset her, but you also have to be honest with her.

I definitely would not go out with anyone else while you are still together with your girlfriend.

[dumbdude]

Well she has been on a diet for a while but hasnt lost any weight. we also go to the gym several days a week. She calls herself fat all the time and jokes about it. We both just laugh. She really does want to lose it though.

Other than that, there are a few things. I can never see her having a decent job. She isnt really smart enough for college and doesnt have any other skills to fall back on. We are both religious but dont go to church or anything. I always wanted a girl who did try to go.

I dont know...its just hard to say ok this is the woman i will spend the rest of my life with....especially when i think other girls are prettier and might be a better fit. This is stuff most people probably cover at 20 yrs old. I think Im missing out on so much.

[dickriculous]

So....is sympathy your primary motive for staying with her? If so then that's quite a bit worse than just breaking up with her imo.

[dumbdude]

sometimes i think i should just all of a sudden shout..."i want to break up" and go from there. Im just scared to death of hurting someone I love so much. i wish i could be two people and date both. Uhh...i feel so ungrateful. I prayed for a loyal person to love me and when I get it I try to kick them to the curb once an upgrade comes along.

I guess there is nothing inherently wrong with only being with one woman.

[shesjustnotin2u]

She's obviously not what you're looking for and sounds like you're definitely not feeling the relationship anymore either. You also sound unhappy. Dont settle for less and better you end things with her now and on a good note than to end it by cheating on her.

[dumbdude]

sympathy and the fear of being alone like i was up until 26. that was truly a terrible time in my life. Also, i do appreciate her cute voices, sounds, and they way she always reaches for my hand. i love how she tells me she loves me all the time. i love how i can be myself around her without being judged.

what if i do break up and realize later that i really had it good with her? that scares me.

[dickriculous]

I know the feeling but I'm telling you bro, if you want out you need to get out. Staying with her because you don't want to hurt her is only going to make things worse - unless you expect to do this for the rest of your life without her ever catching on. If you can pull that off then more power to you (except you will be in a relationship that is unfulfilling to you, that kinda sux), but if you can't (if my opinion means anything to you then you can't) then the longer she thinks you two will be together forever the worse you're making it for her when you leave her.

If you want out and you don't want to hurt her, get out now, let her cry about it for however long it takes to get over it and then she can move on asap. Why put it off? At best you are delaying the inevitable, at worst you are delaying the inevitable AND making the inevitable more painful than it needs to be.

But you have to decide whether or not you want to be with her. Not whether or not you feel obligated to her, but whether you actually want to be with her.

what if i do break up and realize later that i really had it good with her? that scares me.

That's the risk you take when you break up with someone for someone else. It's not a choice we can make for you. You have to be certain that you want out.

[shesjustnotin2u]

I agree. If youre trying to decide whether to pick your girlfriend or another chick, IMO, pick the other girl because if You really love her, You probably wouldnt be having these choices. Let her go man or you'll always feel unsatisfied.

[IndiReloaded]

Staying with her out of pity (that's what it is) is far more damaging than breaking up with her. Or don't you think she deserves someone who is really, really into her for who she is?

Sometimes, being selfish is the right thing to do. Break up. Find happiness with someone more suited to you. Let your soon to be ex do the same.

Next!

[michelle23]

I think you settled for this girl because you thought noone else would want you and your low self-esteem and insecurity has lead you to wonder is the grass greener. You are obviously unhappy and I think you should end the relationship but immediately dating someone else is not a good idea. I think you need to be alone for awhile, figure out what you want in a woman and wait until you find her. Otherwise you will always feel like you settled and you'll keep hopping from one relationship to the next never really knowing what you want and you'll just hurt a lot of people.

You agreed to date this girl even though you have a girlfriend? That is exactly why I want a confident man and I'm glad I have one. He has enough confidence in himself to know he wont find someone better than me for him..

[dumbdude]

im kinda scared that even if i find someone else i will still have the urge to have sex with other women. its almost like i need to make up for all the years i wasnt with different women. is wanting to live in the past just immature on my part? i also think having kids and a family would be nice. obviously i cant do both.

[bearz]

Yes, that does sound immature if you want to make up for all the lost years by having sex with other women. You should just accept that you missed out and move on. Find someone you can be happy with. And it doesn't sound your like current girlfriend would fit into that category.

[romanticdate]

Yeah dude it doesn't sound like your happy. If you aren't expressing your feelings to your gf like you are to us, then you aren't being honest with her. Right there you are hurting her, and if you don't want to hurt her you have to be honest with your feelings. No communication = No real relationship.

Just saying dude, tell her how you feel, and the things you have been feelings, get it all out in the open, and maybe a new path will come around.

And don't go out with someone else until you have done this!