Girlfriends good friend is in love with my girlfriend

[Simpo]

Hi, I have a bit of a problem that I need some advice with.

I have been with my girlfriend for about 5 months now and we are very much in love and plan to move in together if we are still together after a year or so. Last night she told me that she thought we were perfect for each other and hopes that we will one day marry because she feels I am the one for her and couldn't imagine life without me or see herself with anyone else. The problem is her guy friend who is deeply obsessed with her and thinks he loves her. He doesn't have much friends and has a lot of problems at home (parents arguing, grandparents passing away etc) and my gf is really caring and has been there for him but he has seen her kindness as something else. I have brought it up before but she has told me they are just friends nothing more and it ended up in a big stupid argument.

I'm not the jealous or controlling type but recently he has put on his tumblr that they are together and wished they were cuddling together again which has angered me but I don't know how to address that im unhappy and not comfortable about this to my gf without ending up in an argument. The fact she is going to see him this weekend just makes matters worse.

What should or can I do? Any advice is greatly appreciated

[pcmaster]

Sounds like emotional affair. You have to trust your GF. Trust yourself that you are better than him and she will stay with you. He might give her diferent range of emotions than you do, like pitty etc. In the end dont need just good or bad emotions but she need them all, the full range. Thats what is atracting them. So she dont need just you or him but both of you. LOL

[Simpo]

So I shouldn't talk to her about it. I feel like I should tell her that she needs to tell him that nothing is going to happen that they are just friends but I know that will guarantee to spark an argument. In a way i feel she is kind of leading him along if she doesn't tell him that he is just a friend nothing more.

[pcmaster]

For sure hes gona suffer a bit in any case, good idea to tell him not to get too attached. I thing your GF should do that for you.

[Simpo]

For sure hes gona suffer a bit in any case, good idea to tell him not to get too attached. I thing your GF should do that for you.

So I should tell her to tell him that they are just friends and nothing more?

[dickriculous]

OP, your girl knows that this guy is in love with her, she knows that he will try and break you up in order to have her because that's what love does to people, she knows he will try and tempt her away from you, and she knows that ANY boyfriend or girlfriend would not be okay with this. And yet she allows it to continue anyway.

I guarantee that if the situations were reversed she wouldn't be okay with it, possibly even threatening to leave you.

And when you express concern she blows them off and yells at you over them? Real winner you got there bro

[pcmaster]

OP, your girl knows that this guy is in love with her, she knows that he will try and break you up in order to have her because that's what love does to people, she knows he will try and tempt her away from you, and she knows that ANY boyfriend or girlfriend would not be okay with this. And yet she allows it to continue anyway.

I guarantee that if the situations were reversed she wouldn't be okay with it, possibly even threatening to leave you.

And when you express concern she blows them off and yells at you over them? Real winner you got there bro

This shit makes a lot of sense. Who know maybe the shit is deeper than you think.

Dont wana cause panic but guy might be readying his tiny cock right about NOWWWWWW !!!!! And your GF with her caring nature as she is....

[Simpo]

I just feel worse now. I really don't mind her having guy friends but the fact this guy has feelings for her and probably would try and break us up makes him my enemy in my mind. I wish he would just back off and im tempted to say something to him but I know it will upset my gf. I know she wouldn't cheat on me physically since she has been cheated on before after a 11 month relationship and knows how heart breaking it is to be cheated on. I think I need to say something or at the very least let her know that he thinks that they are together in his mind

[dickriculous]

This shit makes a lot of sense. Who know maybe the shit is deeper than you think.

Dont wana cause panic but guy might be readying his tiny cock right about NOWWWWWW !!!!! And your GF with her caring nature as she is....

Not only that but his gf thinks he's supposed to be ok with her fukking leaving herself to be desired and pursued by this guy like a twinkie being dangled in front of a fat kid. And she antagonizes him for having enough common sense to call bullshit on that!

This is what we call "caring nature" for a woman these days? If I were a woman I would find that extremely offensive, I would consider it a grave insult to my intelligence to be held to the ethical standards of a retarded child who has yet to learn the first thing about right and wrong.

Edit: Actually I don't think even a retarded child could be this disrespectful to their significant other and be called "caring" at the same time.

[pcmaster]

I just feel worse now.

Dont take it too seriously. We are just teasing anyway.

I stick with my first suggestion - tell her to tell him.

If thats not enought then say her you have this problem lately - you like one girl a lot, but you both not together as much as you wish cause shes so busy with this other guy and you feel so bad about situation, that you dont know what to do to make her see that you are not okay with her leaving you just to meet him.

Finnally she will understand that you are talking about her. Thats what will cause her feel pitty for you - maybe the same emotion other guy offers her.

You always should give women full range of emotions. You do this by being honest at all times(expressing your true feelings good and bad) and apreciating them for what they are, seeing the good in them that even they cant see in themself.

[Simpo]

Dont take it too seriously. We are just teasing anyway.

I stick with my first suggestion - tell her to tell him.

I think I will do this. I think I will wait till tomorrow so I can speak to her in person about this.

[dickriculous]

Dont take it too seriously. We are just teasing anyway.

Not "we", just "you". I make it obvious when I'm teasing someone.

Also, you're setting a dangerous precedent by telling her to tell him they are just friends and not to get too attached etc and expecting that to solve the problem. It might only make him want her more - we want what we can't have right? Especially if she says this in the midst of her being all warm and friendly toward him all the time - mixed signals drive people crazy with desire if they're already interested in you, it's a quintessential seduction maneuver. This, of course, will leave the problem unresolved and possibly exacerbate it.

[pcmaster]

Bla bla bla. Theres endless of bad scenarious. Its not about the guy in need and girlfriend. Its about Girlfriend and boyfriend relationship cause there milions of other guys and he cant worry about all of them. But what he can is concentrate on himself what are he is giving to girl and trust her. He dont have to trust the guy since theres so many guys out there. All he needs is to trust his girl.

[basilandthyme]

While her having him around, fawning after her is completely unacceptable, so is you telling her that she must do X about it. You are not her father and you have no right to make decisions on what she should and shouldn't do in her life. It would be a very controlling move on your part. Not good at all.

Instead of dictating her actions, I suggest you simply decide whether or not you want to be a parter to someone who hangs out with a guy who's infatuated with her. Feel free to share your misgivings with her. In short, it's an unspoken ultimatum. If she can't understand you rethinking the relationship, then she's not the right girl for you.

[michelle23]

Its a recipe for disaster. Tell your gf to look up emotional affairs. She should not be this close to any other bloke. This type of closeness if for bf and gf only.

However you cannot force her to cut him out of her life so if you want to avoid her cheating on you with him or her leaving you for him at some point in the future-i suggest you walk away now.

It might not affect your relationship for 5 or 10 years but one day it will-IF she keeps him in her life.

You and she could go through a rough patch in 5 years time-she could lean on him for emotional support-get confused and BANG an affair starts!

You should just dump her. Its pointless sticking around waiting for that ^^ to happen and it WILL happen coz men and women cannot be best mates without it getting messy and complicated at some point.

He already has feelings for her which means it is inappropriate and disrespectful to you for her to keep him in her life and if she had any sense she would no that. You cant be "friends" with someone that wants to get in your pants or wants to marry you.