Im crazy about my friend!! I dunno what to do?

[Shepp]

Thanks for looking at this - im sorry ive rambled on - its not as bad as it looks - promise! :L And i'll try and break it down!

Our Background:
We’ve been friends for 4 years, since we were 15.
She’s completely stunning, smart, hilarious. Flip side she’s also a bit self destructive & a massive flirt.
We're close. She hasn’t really got anyone else, her mum died when she was 13, her dads a waste of space. She acts so tough to everyone but me.
She jumps from guy to guy, most are just a one night thing, she never really gives a sh*t about them.

She calls be like sexy or gorgeous all the time and shes very touchy feeley but then like I said shes a flirt and I don’t read too much into that.

What I do read into is the fact that its me she comes too with her latest disaster, its me that she sat up with all night talking about like her childhood and her parents and stuff and shes not the most reliable person in the world but when I really need her, shes there.*
She's there at my boxing or football matches & my family events so its not like its totally one-sided - well i dont think it is!
That to me has gotta mean she likes me somewhat cause all those things are dead out of character for her.

Plus the other thing is she said to me once that she dosen't like cuddling after sex. Well she said "im like lets ****, then go to your side of the bed and dont touch me!"
But when she stays at mine she'll always sleep proper cuddled up to me - so whats that about??


ANYWAY, to the present day: the few times I’ve tried to bring up the fact that I’d like more than friends she just interrupts me along the lines of:
“You think i fool around with other guys cause I like them more than you but i barely like them at all but I love you. But I would **** it up cause thats what I always do, im damaged, and i cant lose you Alfie cause your the one person who actually gives a **** and I know that’s completely unreasonable & selfish but I am. Your the guy who'd be there there at 2am for mate or give his life for a stranger your the story book hero alfie, your my storybook hero alfie, your selfless but Im the complete opposite im all about me”. And then like a switch completely changes the subject.


The other day we were sitting by the lake having a beer & for like the first time ever she brought it up like “the thing is im jinxed Alfie. And I can hear myself say that too, I know how pathetic it sounds but like you know that skittles advert? the one with the bloke and everything he touches turns to skittles - Im like that guy alfie! That’s what I do! Thats why I cant go out with you”"
So I just went are you trying to tell me you'd turn me to skittles or that your actually a slightly over weight, middle aged, black man and you just hide it real well?!
And she laughed and was like "damn ! got me!" and we just messed about like that for a bit and that was it!

I just dunno what to do? i love her and i know we could work together and i dont think the reasons she gives are good enough to not give us a shot at that! I dont know how to make her see that? I practically play the bf but she freaks out about the label? Like not long ago now we were like watching some tele and playing monopoly (i am very competitive guy and when it comes to monopoly even more so lol) and she was just cuddled into my chest which is nothing out the ordinary. She was messing about trying to take a 'loan' from the bank and i was just like "you cant do that you donut" and she kissed me, which isnt the first time but y'know, and then like click of your fingers she just pulls right away and im like "Alex you cant be mad at me cause you kissed me" and she just goes "im not mad at you, i could never be mad at you gorgeous, its just [and i quote] it scares the hell out of me that being with you makes me want something i was doing fine without"


And i cant walk away cause i swore id never leave her and the thing is ive had plenty of girls ask us out (catch that i am ) and some of them ive took out and there nice & sweet & uncomplicated but there not her! The fact of the matter is I love her – not just cause she’s stunning & smart but like everything,
I love the way she can light up any room just by smiling!
I Love the way she remembers every little thing I ever tell her (even if sometimes I wish she didn’t)
I love the way she doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks of her!
I Love the way she looks at me, so intense, like she’s analysing every word I say & gestures I make enough to read my mind, and how if I didn’t know her so well it would it would make me trip on my words.
I love how our sense of humour is so in tune we can be in a room full of people and I can make the tiniest hint at something I just found funny, that no one else could notice but I’ll look at her and she’ll be grinning at me cause she was thinking it too.
And I love that the few times she’s kissed me its completely totally electric, no other word for it!
I could go on foreverrrr (but i wont do that to you dear reader! :L)

But im lost? I dont know what to do anymore!

[MrProblem]

You big soppy man you!!

It seems she's scared of commitment. You're probably everything she'd like in a partner but there's something there scaring her. Maybe its something from her past (sounds like she didn't have a particularly happy upbringing due to mothers death)

Have you extended this relationship to deeper levels of chat? Have you confronted her commitment issues?

[Shepp]

You big soppy man you!!

haha shh thats a secret! :L

It seems she's scared of commitment. You're probably everything she'd like in a partner but there's something there scaring her. Maybe its something from her past (sounds like she didn't have a particularly happy upbringing due to mothers death)

Have you extended this relationship to deeper levels of chat? Have you confronted her commitment issues?

yeah i agree!
Err yeah a bit, she tends to say like, she breaks everything she touches etc etc I think her mum dying hurt her bad, her dad suffered with depression after that so she pretty much brought herself up! We had a conversation once where she was like she was telling me she purposefully avoids i guess 'committing' to people cause she cant deal with losing someone again. so i guess its partly that - not that im going anywhere anytime soon

....touch wood :L

[overanxious]

haha shh thats a secret! :L



yeah i agree!
Err yeah a bit, she tends to say like, she breaks everything she touches etc etc I think her mum dying hurt her bad, her dad suffered with depression after that so she pretty much brought herself up! We had a conversation once where she was like she was telling me she purposefully avoids i guess 'committing' to people cause she cant deal with losing someone again. so i guess its partly that - not that im going anywhere anytime soon

....touch wood :L

thats sad...i lost my mother when i was 11(only child) and my father too went into a depression....although he was great to me and i had everything i ever wanted or needed....to this day he is a crusty old man lol.....but i too had that same fear....i never got into serious relationships....and i finally did only to have my worst fear come true...i got attached and it didnt work out....its even scarier trying to navigate the scene now

[MrProblem]

Yeah that kinda makes sense. Sounds like the poor lass needs a bit of help. She'll have to take a risk soon though but 19(?) Is still young.

[Shepp]

thats sad...i lost my mother when i was 11(only child) and my father too went into a depression....although he was great to me and i had everything i ever wanted or needed....to this day he is a crusty old man lol.....but i too had that same fear....i never got into serious relationships....and i finally did only to have my worst fear come true...i got attached and it didnt work out....its even scarier trying to navigate the scene now

im sorry about your mum!

So what would a guy like me have to do to convince u to take a chance on him?

[Shepp]

Yeah that kinda makes sense. Sounds like the poor lass needs a bit of help. She'll have to take a risk soon though but 19(?) Is still young.

yeah true, i try my best by her!
yeah im 19, shes 20 - it is young, i guess cause ive known her so long it dosent seem it

[smackie9]

You are totally friend zoned. She pasifies the situation with cryptic answers that seem promising but are actually a blow off. She want to keep you for her emotional tampon, enjoys the love and attention without the obligation of a romantic relationship. This is what is different with girls. They can can be so intensely emotionally attatched, without being sexually attracted to you. This is the confusing part because they are being so closed to you that a guy thinks it's an interest in a romantic nature...but it's not.

You are at the end.....either you tell her how you feel and risk this ending, or you do your best to forget about her.