It is my fault, can i get him back

[Ilostmylove]

I dated the love of my life- the man i planned on marrying- for a year and a half...in the last few months i got depressed and couldnt see it, but i pushed him away...he broke up with me and a month later has told me he is past the pain and has not had any thoughts of taking me back- but has constantly told how he wants to be my friend as we were such good friends and he still cares for me in that way, with the love of a friend mot more than that... I am not past te pain and have decided to not be his friend for the summer and we plan yo reconnect for a backpacking weekend in fall... Is there any chance if i let him go emotionally and find myself who i was when he told me he wanted to marry me, could we rekindle and restart that which i smothered out but so desperately want back? One of his friends asked him that last week and all he could say was i dont know i cant say what te future holds...he tried to hold on to me for 3 months before he decided to break up which is why i guess he is over the pain so fast...but i know i found the one when i found him and would do literally anything to get him back...

[michelle23]

i think when something changes in your relationship-be it the death of a loved one, loss of a job, depression, a new baby whatever-it is a test to see how strong you truly are as a couple and your relationship failed. you have to accept its over so you can start to heal.

i dont think you should try to become his best mate in the hope youll get back together. his mind is made up and by then hell prob have a new gf.

let him go, it wasnt meant to be and focus on getting over him. if he really was the one and you really were a strong couple you would still be together. you should never go backwards. he dumped you so move on.

[pcmaster]

He left you and dont deserve you. Even this moment of doubt was enought to not deserve you. Best thing you can do is stop loving something thats not even here and love person who is with you - yourself. Thats the best revenge and even best way how to get ex back. Better dont hope but just face the facts and act acordingly. Reality is stronger than illusion. Basicaly keep yourself beautiful just taking care of yourself is good therapy. In this way you could have him but wont need him. If you become miserable than you will need him more than ever but couldnt have him.

Anyway its not your fault. Thats how everyone thinks from beggining until starts to see cleary again realizes that its 50/50 efford. You need that inner peace and so understand you are good - you tried hard, you wanted it, you have sensitive heart and ability to love but partner just was too blind too see the daimond infront of him(too stupid to understand how much your soul could give to him), so dont make inner conflict by feeling guilty and thinking it was your fault.

[Ilostmylove]

He was getting scared of the commitmet and needed me to back off but i was so stuck emotionally i couldnt...guess my heart is just destroyed and i want him back...on his side he was having a lot of his own problems with work and friends having severe medical and life problems and such...idk its so confusing...im workig on gettig over h but my mind and my heart are in huge conflict...

[michelle23]

also dont blame yourself. if your depressed you normally shut down emotionally and not in the right frame of mind to give a relationship your all. you were not well and now you need to focus on healing and overcoming that illness so you can be the best you can be.

dont dwell on the what ifs and dont feel guilty. try to be strong and put yourself first. this is a new beginning, a fresh start. mr right is out there and you gotta be 100% healthy when he finds you.

when one door closes another opens. theres no such thing as "the one" there could be a million other men just as compatable or even more compatable with you. you just gotta find one who wants you as much as you want him.

he didnt love you enough to try and make it work. a 3month rough patch is quite short and if he cant hack that hes not worth it. find someone else who loves you from your head to your toes and inside out-who wont give up on you without a fight.

good luck xx

[michelle23]

scared of commitment means run. you cant change that about someone-change comes from within. it sounds like you both had a lot of external things going on that took a huge toll on your relationship. like i said already if you were strong enough together as a team-you both would have pulled each other closer during that bad time-not push each other away.

if you cant handle a year or two together-youd never survive a marriage and all the shite life would throw at you along the way. you should see this as a sign that you were not really good together. you never really no how strong you are until the shit hits the fan.

its time yo move on

[HeartIsAching]

He was getting scared of the commitmet and needed me to back off but i was so stuck emotionally i couldnt...guess my heart is just destroyed and i want him back...on his side he was having a lot of his own problems with work and friends having severe medical and life problems and such...idk its so confusing...im workig on gettig over h but my mind and my heart are in huge conflict...

I'm sorry... does this mean that you were pushing for commitment and he wasn't ready, and you kept pushing?

[michelle23]

dude a year together and he wasnt comitted? thats a waste of her time

[HeartIsAching]

I'd be scared of someone that wanted to get married after only a year of dating.

[Ilostmylove]

I guess if i had been in the right state of emotions not gettig all lost and depressed i could have seen we both needed to slow down commitment wise...but while stuck i just kept pushing for more thinking it would somehow make everything wrong with me on my end better...

[michelle23]

a lot of people discuss marriage etc in the early stages. all it means is they want the same things out of life. doesnt mean they wana get married right now or that theyl marry each other. i dont think she was asking for a ring. prob just asking does he see a future and if not after a year-might as well just break up