Is telling your best friend your feelings for them a good thing?

[CWilliams2000]

Hi Everyone

So I've been friends with this guy for ten years. We have a great time when we hang out, and him and I have a lot in common. It wasn't untill a few years into our friendship that I knew I had strong feelings for him. I tried to tell him numerous times, but i couldn't never muster up the courage. Not to mention..anytime I was ready to tell him, he would be in a relationship.

About a month ago, I had a weird experience happen. I don't remember dreaming anything that night. I was asleep, when a voice screamed in my head that he was breaking up with his girlfriend. It was so loud that I jumped out of bed, and kinda freaked me out. A few weeks after this incident, I started hearing about how he was having problems with his current girlfriend.

So a few days ago, my friend and I went and had a few drinks. He told me what was going on with his girlfriend. So after having a few and having a few laughs with friends, he drives me home. I told him not to be discouraged by his situation, and that he's a better guy than he thinks he is. I don't know what posessed me to do it, but I just told him everything. I told him that I know he's a good guy because for the longest time, I had a crush on him. Then I said "if you want me to be really honest..I still do have a crush on him." He missed the turning streets to my neighborhood! I knew then he was shocked. To kinda lessen the awkward ness.. I told him that I value our friendship, and that even though it's a very nice thought, I value our friendship and I can't imagine life without him in it as my friend. He assured me that him and I would always be friends, but I still felt scared. He dropped me off, and I told him I would talk with him when I get back from my trip. (i leave in a few hours)

So this evening, I got a text message from him. He said "so I hope you have a safe fun filled trip. Go find yourself a classy guy." When i read that, I got sad, and my heart ached a little thinking that I messed up. I told him "thanks and that classy guys were overrated".

Did I do the right thing? or did I mess up my chance to be with him? I will always love him as my friend, but I want him as something more in my life. Can anyone help with some advice? Thanks!!

[basilandthyme]

CWilliams, I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.

As he has no interest in being with you, you didn't mess up a chance to be with him - it was never going to happen. However, you may well have damaged your friendship. Imagine his awkwardness if he's dating and knows that his 'friend' has feelings for him.

[Hightower]

No, you did the right thing. Not telling a friend that you have huge feelings for him is going to drive you up the wall the rest of your life. You now know it likely won't happen and the burden is off of you. Yeah it will hurt your friendship and maybe it will peter out eventually because when something like that happens it makes it very awkward to go back to being just friends. I am afraid something like that can't happen again. It's gone beyond that. However, if you find a great guy, you really won't have time to be this guy's friend anyway and you wouldn't want the awkwardness of the situation either. You still did the right thing. Go out on a limb, if it doesn't work you at least tried.

[michelle23]

I dont think you should be friends with him. You are holding yourself back from meeting someone who actually wants you and you crossed a line. You knew he had a gf when you told him that which was wrong (even if they are in the process of breaking up-they could still work things out-its not over until he says it is).

Anyway you cant be "friends" with someone you have feelings for so do yourself a favour and cut contact with him. Its the only way to get over him so you can move on and meet someone else.