Is it really that awful declining a proposal?

[ShelbyZi]

Did that once when I was 22 years old. Though we've been dating for 2 years, I just didn't felt ready for that at all and neither was I sure if it was him I wanted to be with forever (seemed too much for me). To be honest this surprised me too because he's only 1 year older than me. We stayed for about 4 months and I really thought he was recovering from it. One day he broke up suddenly and went totally NC.

I tried asking for a friendship at least. I requested him twice on facebook; the first time was shortly after the break-up and the second time was recently. No replies. I don't see what's wrong with staying friends with an ex bf. It's been a long while since and I thought he was already over it and we could be friends. Nope.

I don't see what I did wrong. It's like I don't exist to him. I never cheated nor mistreated him. Why treat me this way. I was only trying to make him feel better. I only rejected his proposal but not the whole relationship.

[lalalita]

It's a big blow to a man's ego, self worth, and manhood having his proposal refused. I usually takes a lot for a man to get to that point and it's a big moment in their life. He was probably hurt to the point where keeping in contact with you would not allow him to heal.

[dickriculous]

You didn't do anything "wrong" per se but you definitely opened a deep wound. Whether he's harboring resentment against you or just needs to mend the wound and can't bear to keep in contact with you while he's doing it is unclear, though if this happened years ago I have to call into question how long it takes to mend a wound. But then, some people have to go no contact for life in order to move on once a deep enough wound has been opened.

But again, if all you did was decline a marriage proposal then you deserve no blame. It's a proposal, not an ultimatum. Had you said "yes" when you didn't really mean it that would've been a lot worse than a sincere "no".

[ShelbyZi]

I didn't realize it would hurt him this much to the point of not ever speaking to me again. The reason why I tried requesting him again was because his facebook status is ''In a relationship'' so since I figured if he's dating another girl and has already moved on then we can be friends but guess he still can't deal with me, even after all this time.

[ShelbyZi]

But then, some people have to go no contact for life in order to move on once a deep enough wound has been opened.

I get that but if he's dating someone else, wouldn't he be healed by now and have no problems talking to me?

It kinda sucks the way he completely shut down on me.

[searock]

Why would you want to be his friend, though?

[ShelbyZi]

Why would you want to be his friend, though?

I have many friends (two of them are other exes). I see nothing wrong with that, esp if there was really no bad history and you did nothing wrong.

[searock]

I see nothing wrong with it either, I asked why do you want to be his friend? What's the point?

[ShelbyZi]

I see nothing wrong with it either, I asked why do you want to be his friend? What's the point?

For the same reason I'm friends with my other exes: we talked every now and then (esp on my spare time) and at times when they need help, I can give some helpful advice. No point, not looking for anything else...just a friendship.

But it's ok if he doesn't want to and can't deal with hearing nor seeing me. I was only curious how he was doing and wrote him a simple ''Hey, how's it going..it's been ages'' but I got no response.

[searock]

Clearly he isn't interested in being friends with you. Not everyone has the same opinion about being friends with exes, by the way. Maybe later on in your life you will meet a guy who will one day become your ex, and with whom you will not be interested in remaining friends with. It happens, it's normal. Find other new friends, move on and leave him be. Whether he has moved on or not is none of your concern at this point.

[malarkey101]

Though we've been dating for 2 years, I just didn't felt ready for that at all and neither was I sure if it was him I wanted to be with forever

Ok here is your problem. You been dating for 2 years. Your not sure if you wanted to be with him forever. Let me tell you now. He was sure. He loved you. Then after 2 years you say no. Everything over that period of time he grew to love about you. That is a lot of stuff to learn about someone. All their habits. Everything that person has grown to love about you.

You say you only reject his proposal not the whole relationship. Are you serious. His proposal was his whole relationship towards you. So now he feels he can't move forward with you. That's why he doesn't want to be friend.

You took his heart in one swoop & tossed it away. You made your 2 year relationship for him mean nothing in a couple of seconds.

He obviously wanted to move forward. But now after 2 years he's gone backwards. I see why he's like this.

[W.E]

I don't see what I did wrong. It's like I don't exist to him. I never cheated nor mistreated him. Why treat me this way. I was only trying to make him feel better. I only rejected his proposal but not the whole relationship.

Think of it this way: Imagine you've been married to the guy of your dreams for two years. You have big plans for your future together. And then one day, you tell him that you are ready to try to have children and he replies that he never wants to have children with you. He just wants to have sex whenever, without any chance of kids.

How do you feel?

[okwhat2013]

Honestly, it is pretty awesome to hear you did that smart girl or woman I should say. Yes, he probably loved you in his mind and his ego is hurt, but you did the mature thing and honestly if he was a real man and really love with you he would still be in your life showing you that he is the one. There is nothing more special in this life then being with someone you love and true love has nothing to do with your feelings but their feelings and well being. Good luck!

[VincenzoG91]

22 is pretty young to get married these days, so I think that you made a wise decision. But a guy is definitely going to feel awful when his proposal is declined. For me, it was like, rip my heart out and show it to me level of pain.