Am I being too sensitive or does he have issues communicating properly?

**starrynightz45** · 13-06-13, 02:42 PM

So far, I've been on 4 dates with this guy. He's been a gentleman, affectionate, and calls or texts me every single day.

Yesterday, we went out on another date. Overall it went well.Now, in the past I've been to one of his art shows and ended up staying for a couple hours. He mentioned a few weeks earlier that he was having an art show on Thursday from 7-10pm. During the date, he mentioned the show again. He has a tendency to be blunt and seems to be kind of bad at putting things in a nice way. He said that if I do end up going, I should only stay a few minutes because the gallery was very small and it wouldn't be easy to stand around and chat like last time. I understood at that point, and said sure, that would be fine, I'd stop by.

A couple hours later, he brought up the show again. He said one of his friends, who had been out of the country for a couple weeks, wanted to get dinner with him before the show and if they planned to get dinner, he would let me know so I could join them. We could get dinner, and then I could go to the show and again, he repeated that I should stay for a couple minutes. Again, I said that was fine, just let me know about dinner.

Today, he sent me a text saying that him and his friend were going to get dinner before the show to "catch up." Assuming that this meant I wasn't to go to dinner with them, I said that was fine, and asked if I should just meet him at the show later on (at this point, I was still not upset).

He said "yea, like I said yesterday, just stop by. Bring a friend with u so u guys can get dinner before or after bc otherwise there would be no point for u to come all the way out here by yourself and pay for parking for a couple minutes. I mean I wouldn't do that if I were u haha." (it's about a 20 minute drive by the way)

At this point, I got a little annoyed. I mean, I heard him the first 2 times he told me to only stay a couple minute - why does he keep repeating it? He's the one who invited me initially, I didn't invite myself. He sure sounds like he doesn't want me there, right?

So I responded: Ok I'll c if a friend can come. Thats fine, I won't stay long lol. I can make the next one if its inconvenient

Him: No no im not trying to discourage you. I can see how it sounded like that. I don't mind if you hang out for a little
Me: I'll let u know about it tomorrow
Him: Are we cool though?
I didn't respond for an hour and he texted again:
Him: =(
Me: yes we're cool. I'll c if a friend can make it
Him: Ok, I hope one is.

Is this guy just socially inept? Why is he so adamant about me not staying? I'm not stupid, I heard and accepted his initial explanation that the space was small. So why keep repeating it? I've decided I'm not going to the show, but what should I tell him tomorrow? And am I right to be upset?

**basilandthyme** · 13-06-13, 03:26 PM

Starrynightz, you've only been on four dates with this guy. It's still very much at the 'getting to know you' stage. If you feel that you're not liking what you are finding, then just move on to the next guy. Don't waste your time analysing his behaviour.

**starrynightz45** · 13-06-13, 03:38 PM

Originally Posted by basilandthyme

Starrynightz, you've only been on four dates with this guy. It's still very much at the 'getting to know you' stage. If you feel that you're not liking what you are finding, then just move on to the next guy. Don't waste your time analysing his behaviour.

The thing is, we've known one another for almost a year (we were friends, go to the same very small grad school). I didn't know he had interest - I had a boyfriend and thought we were just friends. A while after I ended things with my ex, he asked for my number. Since we're friends to me it's a little unlike a regular 4th date. I guess I'm analyzing so much because he has also been very sweet at times and it confuses me.

**stev123** · 13-06-13, 03:42 PM

You're only dating, no one is forcing you to be with him.
You are a bit too sensitive, and he is a bit blunt (where the incompatibility lies). But the bottom line is, you are only dating and getting to know one another, if he isn't what you want, don't stay with him - no one is forcing you.
Good luck.

**basilandthyme** · 13-06-13, 03:50 PM

^^this. sensitive and blunt is not a good combo

**starrynightz45** · 13-06-13, 04:05 PM

Fair enough, but am I really being too sensitive here? I'm not denying it at all. I do know I'm a sensitive person. But for some reason this particular situation has me thinking "No, I'm not being sensitive, most women would be annoyed/upset too." Wrong?

**stev123** · 13-06-13, 04:11 PM

Yes, you are annoyed and pissed because he's invited you over and you've only been with him for a short time. I would be pissed too, it's bad manners.
But it doesn't matter, that shows you're too sensitive for him and he doesn't see some things.

**basilandthyme** · 13-06-13, 04:31 PM

I'm notoriously hard to offend, but I'm also blunt in response. I would have said "why have you told me this so many times?"

**starrynightz45** · 13-06-13, 06:08 PM

Originally Posted by basilandthyme

I'm notoriously hard to offend, but I'm also blunt in response. I would have said "why have you told me this so many times?"

I guess, but I am always afraid that I'm going to come off as dramatic or something. He just seems to genuinely not get it.

**Pinkblush15** · 13-06-13, 08:16 PM

"I guess, but I am always afraid that I'm going to come off as dramatic or something. He just seems to genuinely not get it."

I admit it, Girls are very sensitive.

**toknow** · 13-06-13, 10:26 PM

Whether he is blunt or not, doesn't really matter. What matters is why he doesn't want her there. And why he keeps changing his mind.

Maybe his wife was gonna stop by later...lol.

**starrynightz45** · 14-06-13, 04:44 AM

Originally Posted by toknow

Whether he is blunt or not, doesn't really matter. What matters is why he doesn't want her there. And why he keeps changing his mind.

Maybe his wife was gonna stop by later...lol.

LOL. I sure hope that's not the reason.

**basilandthyme** · 14-06-13, 06:10 AM

Originally Posted by toknow

Whether he is blunt or not, doesn't really matter. What matters is why he doesn't want her there. And why he keeps changing his mind.

Maybe his wife was gonna stop by later...lol.

That would explain why he wants her gone.... But no matter what the reason, it truly is bizarre behaviour

**basilandthyme** · 14-06-13, 06:11 AM

Originally Posted by starrynightz45

I guess, but I am always afraid that I'm going to come off as dramatic or something.

Asking in a non-hysterical voice why he's doing what he's doing is hardly dramatic. And it sure beats trying to guess why.

After all, communication is key in a relationship.

**starrynightz45** · 14-06-13, 09:54 AM

UPDATE
Well, I sent him a text saying I had other plans and wouldn't be making it.

Him: Ok well if your plans fall through you could always stop by for a bit if you want.
Me: Oh well thank you but honestly I was kind of unsure whether it was really ok for me to come or not. Plus with all the driving/parking etc I think I'll just try to make it to the next one. But good luck and let me know how it goes.
Him: I'm sorry about that my fault. Oh of course it is. But I was just trying to give you an idea of the scenario. Yea thats what I was trying to get at. So up to you. I will thanks.

....?

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