Stuck between fiancee and our best friend

[michelle23]

and flirting with other girls is not cool either when your supposed to be in love. your the reason shes insecure with trust issues. if she was with my bf she wouldnt be insecure at all. he doesnt have other girls sniffing round him. your a twat little boy

[Nightshade]

I think you should probably ditch the friend.
There's no room for 3 in a relationship....unless all parties are into that kind of thing.
If I was your girlfriend, I would leave you if you couldn't cut contact with the friend.

.....she sounds way too involved in your life. And to be honest, the way you're reading into things, it sounds like you have feelings toward her.

[manava]

I love my girlfriend and i want to spend my life with her. The only reason i cannot cut ABC from my life is because she helped me a lot. She used to sit for whole day only to make me study. Why will someone put so much time helping you in studies. As a person she is very nice and I cannot be ungrateful to her. Its only due to her i was able to pass two courses without which i was not able to get my degree. Also ABC do not have friends we are her only friends and she hangs out with us. If we will leave her it is not good on our part at all. She is misbehaving because she is jealous of my fiancee success that is her issue. I do not want to come into girls fight. But i do care for my fiancee.

I think you should probably ditch the friend.
There's no room for 3 in a relationship....unless all parties are into that kind of thing.
If I was your girlfriend, I would leave you if you couldn't cut contact with the friend.

.....she sounds way too involved in your life. And to be honest, the way you're reading into things, it sounds like you have feelings toward her.

[rafterman]

* Beats head on brick wall *....... We cannot fix stupid, stupid is forever :/

[surfhb2]

Studying? Marriage? How old are you guys?

Life Is going to be full of these tough decisions. If you want to have a wife, then the ABC girl needs to go. Once in awhile might ok.

You don't sound mature enough to be getting married. Just my opinion based on your words.

The parties and socializing is going to wane quickly once you're married. When kids come into play, that's completely over. So get used to spending a lot of time with your wife ( whom you love) and a lot of weekends at home or in the park playing with the kids....it will come quickly...believe me.

[VincenzoG91]

Okay. New plan. Convert to Islam. Move to a country in the Mideast, taking both your fiancee and ABC with you. Marry both of them. Problem solved.

[manava]

Me and my fiancee are 28..we finished our masters recently...ABC is 24 years old....

Studying? Marriage? How old are you guys?

Life Is going to be full of these tough decisions. If you want to have a wife, then the ABC girl needs to go. Once in awhile might ok.

You don't sound mature enough to be getting married. Just my opinion based on your words.

The parties and socializing is going to wane quickly once you're married. When kids come into play, that's completely over. So get used to spending a lot of time with your wife ( whom you love) and a lot of weekends at home or in the park playing with the kids....it will come quickly...believe me.

[HeartIsAching]

See how he keeps arguing with you guys? He wasn't looking for an answer, he was looking for validation of his answer.

[Paul07]

You are not the good samaritan here. Admit that you like the attention from these two women or that you may just be a big ignorant.

[manava]

Its not about validation of my thinking..I feel stuck between two women.one is my lover, my life and other one a close friend who helped me. I cannot close my eyes if my lover is suffering but i cannot turn my back from the one who helped me in bad time. I cannot be ungrateful. If i try to distance myself from ABC, i get this guilty of being ungrateful and ignorant. I do not find any of mine contribution in this whole situatiion. Both girls have their own problems. But i am suffering without any reason. My fiancee gets frustrated and starts telling me that she is uncomfortable and she dont appreciate my closenss to her.

In her thinking, if something was happening to me she was going to stop talking that person which i feel is not practical. She wanted me to cut off this relationship but will not say this to me. i cannot cut off ABC from our life due to her favors. Now when she again returned $250 how will I be ungrateful to her.

However my
My fiancée thinks that this doesnot matter with friends. If you help your friend you do it with a good cause in mind, you don’t do it for favor. And once I paid her gift I kind of tried to be thankful to her.

Even if cutting that girl from our life is solution how to do that. She don’t call my fiancée anymore, she don’t ask her out..she always call me because she is comfortable doing so. In the end, I have to stop talking to her. Am again point of suffering.

[VincenzoG91]

If ABC was truly your friend, she wouldn't be trying to wreck your impending marriage. She is being selfish.

Your fiancee isn't being unreasonable, she is just asking you to behave like somebody who will be marrying her.

[manava]

Also about the public display of affection part..I am this kind of person. I do not like her touching me because it irritates me. we can do all that stuff in our room but not in front of people. We are not 16 year old now. we are 28 and thus touching or hugging just do not look decent. getting hushy mushy on each other at this age is crazy. Technically its her first relationship (the first two guys my fiancee met were casual dating). May be thats why she want to do it as other couples do. But i am not into it. she gets angry if in case i remove her hand away from me in case she touches me publicly. I like her standing next to me but at same time maintaining the friends look outside. Why to be intimate outside. Even on weekend when ABC came to our place my fiancee just keep on touching my shoulder or hair when she was walking in room. She was calling me honey. In the end end i just told her not to do so. It irritates me.

[LifeInflux]

I think I understand the "problem"

ABC (which is an awful name) is a friend that you feel close to and that you feel you owe some type of debt to. While this feeling is admirable in a way, it isn't necessary.

The following things need to happen:

1) Talk to ABC and explain to her that with the way she's been acting to your fiance' she's going to have to understand that you won't be able to spend as much time with her as before. Tell her that if you are going to be friends with her, she's going to have to amicably include your fiance'.

2) You talk to your Fiance' plainly about spending time with your friends. Explain to her that, although you love her, you also need time to be with just your friends. Reassure her that you will not be meeting ABC alone at any time if that bothers her. Stay truthful to her, and be honest with yourself. If you miss that alone time with ABC, and you don't want to compromise with your Fiance' then you aren't ready for a long term committed relationship.

3) Find some common ground with your friends, and, perhaps, invite them over more often. Include your girlfriend as one of your friends. You don't have to show a lot of affection when you are out, but stay close to her and make her feel comfortable. Once she feels comfortable she'll be more secure in letting you spend more time with your friends.

4) Don't ever break that trust once it is earned.

[manava]

Thanks for a helpful reply.
Now my question is should i stop replying to her messages or calls? what to do when ABC calls us and ask for making plans? I cannot lie and at same time cannot see sad face of my fiancee.I am not sure if i will go to ABC and tell her that what the actual situation is. what if she is just acting as friend and my fiancee is doing too much of "thought work". We will ruin our relationship forever with her. This is worst than being ungrateful.

I told my fiancee in case ABC talks rudely to her or passes comment to her, reply her back equally.So that ABC should understand if my fiancee is very nice person, she can talk rude as well. If ABC is jealous she should learn to cope it, my fiancee should not suffer with it.

I think I understand the "problem"

ABC (which is an awful name) is a friend that you feel close to and that you feel you owe some type of debt to. While this feeling is admirable in a way, it isn't necessary.

The following things need to happen:

1) Talk to ABC and explain to her that with the way she's been acting to your fiance' she's going to have to understand that you won't be able to spend as much time with her as before. Tell her that if you are going to be friends with her, she's going to have to amicably include your fiance'.

2) You talk to your Fiance' plainly about spending time with your friends. Explain to her that, although you love her, you also need time to be with just your friends. Reassure her that you will not be meeting ABC alone at any time if that bothers her. Stay truthful to her, and be honest with yourself. If you miss that alone time with ABC, and you don't want to compromise with your Fiance' then you aren't ready for a long term committed relationship.

3) Find some common ground with your friends, and, perhaps, invite them over more often. Include your girlfriend as one of your friends. You don't have to show a lot of affection when you are out, but stay close to her and make her feel comfortable. Once she feels comfortable she'll be more secure in letting you spend more time with your friends.

4) Don't ever break that trust once it is earned.

[VincenzoG91]

Just make it clear to ABC that the plans will need to include your fiancee, or else you can't go. That should rapidly clarify if ABC can be your friend or if she has some kind of shady agenda.