whats happening to me? please help me :(

[HarryN]

ive been messing up really bad with myself and her
this fight i had recently with her relieved her true side which she was hiding for so long
my gf disgusts me now and wants to get rid of me when i dont want to leave
i tried to know her better to get closer, i mean once i was close and she told me every tiniest thing
i mean im in a long distance relationship and now as time has passed she has gone confined
since the first time we broke up she kept walking further away
we never meet though bcz of the distance yet we were madly in love each other
and after that one screw up around 9months ago which was just that i focused more on friends and hanging around
and from that time i was getting mad and upset kept creeping and crawling back to her on and on with an adjustment and acceptance
i do get impatient, that why she doesnt care much or hides thing from me now which in turn makes me uneasy as well
she does has the right what to tell and what not and have a private life i agree
but if im part of her life then why this and even if not telling then why show it to me through different means
keeps trying to avoid me now by no efforts in convos from her side,
i accept i get pushy but im feeling insecure about us i just want us to work.
the reasons i gotta know she think it wont work is because
of my religion, race and distance like cmon she is christian and from Greece
i understand im Indian but i can be a christian why cant it work?
i believe in god just i dont follow any religion for now thats it but me belonging from a Buddhist family? why is it a problem?
she doesnt like the obsession ive for her: the love and care i give to her, but isnt that supposed to be good?
and because of these very reasons she is going away step by step
im getting anxious and anxiety attacks due to this, ive lost lots of close people in my life, lots.
and i cant afford to lose the very few ive left in my life, have hard time to trust people but im loyal and trustworthy
well okay you dont want to end up with me in your life ok
but atleast accept me as a friend and be honest and have faith in me as a friend, trust me?
i love her a lot way lot she knows that but doesnt want me to love her
recently she said, "im letting you go that much and im losing here not you" when i asked her do you even love me? whats that?
its been 7months like this following with various break ups, fights, making up, settlements and what not
i cant afford to lose her i tried my level best to walk away but in the end i just crawled back
knowing she will leave when she says shut up and leave, and no to my answers
when i ask why and for a chance to improve myself to help us
feels like a real stake put through my heart to be honest even worse than actual feeling of it..

plus now this new equation has came up in this past 2weeks
she likes a guy there whos living close to her a lot and the guy is like seriously a kid
plus even in bizarre situations its just a one time fling for that guy but she is taking it serious with him
now as i see, he is providing a physical existence being near her which im unable to do so
and i know i cant top that, to be honest im happy for her in a way but yet i just cant i dont know what to do
but i can tell you that ive never said anything against him or them or against any her decisions, im supportive..
now, i might be over analyzing this but that guy is A KID she is like way senior for him and
i know its really bad and saddening for me to do this but i do sometimes stalk when i get really low or have lots of free time
and i saw that guy is like a fool just he isnt a bore thats all, he is way too much casual and just bcz he said few good words to my girl, she has fallen for him
considering him as bf? well whatever but i want to stay there for her, be with her even if its as a friend, she means alot to me
before this guy i was mad to get her back but now im accepting it and im ready to be a friend for no matter how long it takes
but i dont know what am i doing, i just know i love her really alot that i can take up a bullet for her and i cant think of being without her in any scenario..

i messed up and im in real mess myself
ive lost my dignity and pride i can feel that
i dont know how to win her trust back bcz thats what all i need! or maybe not? i dont even know that anymore
leaving her and focusing on other things around is just a waste, doesnt work bcz i tried damn hard on it, made her block removed and deleted things like EVERYTHING i cant even give up i dont know what to do, atleast i know being friends with her hurts a little but im happy
without her im breathless and feel hollow and i did felt for over a month when i went away
please help up, i need your opinions, help, solutions about her, me, us, anything that might help in any way possible please
thank you

[michelle23]

You need to give up, let her go. There is too much distance between you. Long distance rarely ever works and your wasting your time. She likes a local guy who she can have a real relationship with.. most sane people would pick someone close over someone they can only talk to online. Its common sense.

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