I feel so stuck

[sarah_doodle]

Hi guys im sarah, i guess i came here looking for a little outside perspective.

Basically im in an unhealthy relationship...i think. I feel like im drowning in it. Part of me thinks im over reacting so before i go crazy i need to know if its all in my head.

Ive been with my bf for 2 and a half years. basically we lived in the same house which is split into 2 apartments. We got together one night randomly, he said he was single, turns out he had an on again off again gf anyway it turned out he was cheating on me for a few months with her behind my back and she told me one night. In the end he talked me into getting back together and i kinda regret being so naive. Through out this part of our relatonship he never liked me wearing make up or dressing nice. i was doing a full time course in a different town, hed constantly think i was cheating on him hed scream down the phone. i quit the course to end all arguments.

by no means planned we fell pregnant. throught out pregnancy we got on great. mainly cause i didnt go anywhere or talk to anyone. he never liked me going out with my friends as rare as it was that i ever did. after she was born, i felt like trying to find who i was again. failed. im not allowed out drinking without him. if i do im told there will be a holy war of an argument. when i wear make up i get grief. theres so many things hes said and done that i cant remember mayb at the time they seem insignificant.

i dont feel like i can leave cause he will take our daughter. i know i have custody but he wouldnt let me leave with her. if i took her id feel afraid of what he would do. only yesterday my car broke down at a junction i rang him to tell him, at the same time 2 construction me who were working ner there helped me push the car out of the way (thank god) during this i said hey ill ring u back in a few mins. i rang him when i was in a safe zone and the 2nd thing out of his mouth is 'i cant believe u let another man in the car'. seriously.

i just feel so stuck in a rut. i dont want to be here anymore. it seems so simple to say just leave him. but if i do he wants our daughter 50% of the time. i dont want her spending 50% of her life being told she cant wear/do things that girls her own age do.

only the other week i said to him i wanted to get the little one tights dress and cardigan to wear for xmas day and this lead to me being told i dress her slutty. i simply cannot win with this man.

please help me

[Wakeup]

Here are some links for you to read: There is no sense councelling you on how to be happy with this man. You need councelling on how to get the strength to actually leave him and stay gone.

Too bad you won the lottery prize (him). (just because he doesn't hit you, it doesn't mean you're not being abused).


http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention. htm

http://www.womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=38

http://www.whatiscodependency.com/symptoms-of-codependency/

Good luck... call a womans shelter near you and get the therapy YOU need to have the strength to break the cycle of abuse. Do you think that if you stay with him that he won't be telling your daughter what she can't wear? Certainly he will so your reason for not leaving is just you being in denial and afraid to let go.

Sadly: You are abusing your daughter (unintentionally but still) by allowing her to watch the two of you (you and your abusive partner) in your dysfunction. Call someone today and get the help you and your daughter need to get over his influence.

Good luck... you can do it.

[TablesandChairs]

He's a controlling jerk and I feel for you. You're in a prison. My only advice is to pluck up the courage to leave - yes, you risk your daughter spending 50% of her time with him...but I think you have solid ground to explain why you would prefer this not to be the case...but, my friend was in a similar situation; she divorced her husband and he wanted 50% custody of their 3 year old daughter. She obliged, reluctantly...3 months later, he let her have sole custody. He was all talk, couldn't handle raising a child on his own and once he realized she wasn't falling for his threats, he had no use for his daughter, which he was using as a pawn.

Can't say what your situation would be like but...you can't really live like this. I think it would be better for your daughter to be spending 50% time away from him than 100% with him.

[Boisdevie]

Help you? Your situation is entirely of your own making. He cheated. You took him back. You fell pregnant. Well that's a really stupid thing to do - don't they have contraception in Wales?
We can't help you. YOU can help you. Oh, and get some therapy. Most of us would not have put up with this crap.

[4 ratties]

Plan the perfect murder, he must be taken out

[michelle23]

He sounds horrible and im willing to bet he wont have too much interest in the kid once your gone. Sure at first he will pretend to care and make things as difficult as possible but he will soon find someone else and get bored of playing perfect daddy so then you will have he4 90% of the time..

just leave and worry about everything else after.

[Wakeup]

Yea.. we all know what this guy is, Sarah... including you but here's some actual advise to help you get the fk away from him. I should have looked to see where you lived before providing those links. Here is one that is in your area. You can also google "help for abused women" and find something else in your area. Just bloody do SOMETHING to help YOURSELF get away from this guy. You need help so that you don't end up with another guy just like him, (in the future and after you've rehabed from your addiction to this one) so that you'll be able to quickly distance yourself from anyone who is not valuing you. Your children's future, their own self-esteem and emotional health is in jeapardy here. Act now.

http://www.allwaleshelpline.org.uk/

[surfhb2]

I'm so sorry Sarah. Please take Wakeups advice and immediately find a place to go. Can you move with family? You obviously know this man is sick

Btw.....in the US based on your situation, it's unlikely this guy would get 50/50 custody. Unfortunately he's her father so it's just something you will need to deal with in life. Therepy will help you overcome that. PROMISE!!!

[Wakeup]

So! Where are you Sarah_doodle? Surely you've not just given up on giving up on leaving your abuser. Come back and tell us your plan of action.