To forget or not to forget

[new_entry]

I'm not sure the post title really is the question...I hope by the end of the post I figure out what the question is at least. A bit over an year ago I met a man with whom I had a very short relationship. The key points here are: I was very much attracted to him. (Attracted probably means in love- i.e. a feeling of tenderness, smiling at the thought of the other person). He initiated the relationship and I rather became attracted as it was advancing. He also finished the relationship after a couple of weeks. I believe I told him how I felt & he said he can't respond to my feelings and that was the end of it. (He claimed he wasn't ready for a relationship...I tend to think there was more, maybe that there was something he disliked about me, but I don't believe I'll ever know the truth).
And yes the answer is indeed pretty obvious and I got that advice before...however, I don't see where this advice is going. A new relationship? That actually doesn't feel like a prospect now- I can't see myself in a relationship. Peace of mind? Somehow that concept lost meaning.

The sketchy answer inside of me is that I could only 'leave him' for myself- i.e. for getting closer to myself and becoming a different person- and not for anyone else. But I'm not getting any closer to that. He's with me every day. I go on the bus and I imagine I hold his hand in mine. I take a rest and I imagine I lay my head on his chest. I have coffee on the balcony with him standing next to me and we're watching the square together.

In real life, we cut contact 7-8 months ago, with me not replying to a last message and unfriending on fb, realizing that it made no sense to keep on talking...it was that sort of remote link where people ask each other how they're holding up/ if they're alright once every 3 months; the expected answers to those questions have never been too clear to me. I can't see how we'd get back into contact now, and what for. A relationship is out of the question for me- the pain of the rejection cannot be undone, even less so in a context where he doesn't love me.

Nonetheless I want him close. I suppose I'm addicted to the feelings. I prefer the emotional content. In any case, this is tearing me apart- I can see the non-reality of it.

Advice? It almost looks like I have no options. Like I just have to live with this and hope one day I wake up and it's gone, but I'm still here.

[LoveCanHurt]

You are probably like a lot of us --- Just want to know the contact is there and someone out there cares...
Been there a few times, but its really hard to mend a fence that you have burned down.

[Valixy]

Nothing wrong with indulging yourself in a little daydreaming or your own fantasy world every now and then, but when it's been happening for eight months because of a man that rejected you and disappeared from your life after two weeks, it's obvious that this has escalated too much. Besides it's also tearing you apart. You have to choose if you want to continue being the slave of an illusion and it's apparent satisfaction or if you want your emotional freedom, imo. If you find that you can't detach on your own and reeducate your mind to take control of your feelings, keeping yourself busy, getting involved in positive projects that could stimulate you and even fascinate you and educating yourself on this subject, maybe you should see a psychologist who could help you build a strategy for confronting this strong attachment you have developed. That way you'd also be able to identify the underlying issue that triggers this behaviour and probably much more about yourself.

[Valixy]

Let go and don't be afraid to face that emptiness that this would create because that emptiness is nothing else but the beginning of your freedom and it would very soon transform in the possibility to find your power, happiness and joy. Real power, happiness and joy.

[new_entry]

Thanks! This is convincing. Emptiness makes good sense- an emotional exploration of something else than tenderness for a change.