Should I leave my Girlfriend?

[ash19898989]

I have been with my girlfriend now going on 5 and a half years, at first everything was fine, but after a couple of years, insecurities started creeping in and steadily got worst and worst. Her insecurities started becoming more evident and despite reassurances from me, they started having a major effect on our relationship. It became a major drag on my life to have to deal with her issues/insecurities every single day. I’ve started to feel more like a therapist than a boyfriend. I found myself barely going out, and the times I do go out with my friends, I feel I have to attend an interview with her, especially in regards to female friends. If I seem to be talking to females she starts asking way more questions etc.
A couple of years ago, we had a rocky patch, she cheated on me once, I cheated on her once, but now she brings up all of this from the past and uses it, she refuses to let me go to house parties because I slept with a girl once at one (when me and her were not even together and separated).
And now that I am attending university, things have got even worst, she doesn’t seem to understand that social interaction (especially as I am studying on a language course) is integral, and if I spend time with my friends, she has a pissy fit. I have had times where because I said I will finish about 11 with friends, come 11:30 I have had 15+ missed calls and texts of her saying all sorts of stupid crap about how I don’t love her and this is why she does not trust me.
She tries to mask these issues by saying things like “oh just be honest with me, you love me” etc, but really she is just fishing for specific information: who I am with, when I am back, where and why I am going out. She also mentions that she is worried if I hang out with friends that I may start being attracted to them, even though I have reassured her they are just my friends, nothing more.

Whilst my gut says just end it, part of me feels I can’t, I do care for her and I am also worried, when she has one of her “tantrums” she will say things like “if I was not with you I would just die”. I feel I am just in this relationship out of obligation at times and I keep hoping it will get better, I am close with her family too, and this would cause a massive rift too.

[searock]

It's not up to you to fix her issues, as you said, you're not her therapist. You should break up with her, this relationship is making you miserable, it's pointless to not walk away. She needs a type of help that you couldn't give her even if you wanted to (professional help).

[Boisdevie]

Your relationship is going nowhere so end it.

[michelle23]

It should have ended when the cheating happened. Her insecurities are justified in a way. She does not trust you or herself and you should not be together. Simple

as for female friends: there has to be boundaries in any healthy adult relationship. It is normal for her not wanting you hanging out alone with them or texting etc. Feelings can occur easily if you get too close to another woman. Ever hear of emotional affairs?

Anyway just end this and move on. There is too much water under the bridge. Too much baggage that you both caused

[basilandthyme]

HELL YES, you should end things. This is not how a good relationship looks.

I understand you will miss her family, but losing the partner's family is normal when a relationship ends. You'll move on and they will too.

[4 ratties]

Wow have fun with this wacko. Please don't get her pregnant.

[anastasis]

She's doing what they call 'tormenting' you. And she's doing it in a very artistic, poetic and passive aggressive way. She's putting you on a grand and fine guilt trip about you 'killing her' if you ever left, but making your life a living hell when you stay.

What she is really telling you is what she is really showing you, and what she is showing you is that she despises you so much for cheating on her that she is putting you on lock down and solitary confinement, but her spite is so complete that she is not content to let you go, but will keep tormenting you for as long as she can milk this cow, which, judging from the the outlook on the situation, might just be forever. She's doing all of this for no other purpose than to feed her ego. Women are shallow, flaky creatures. In fact, I have serious doubts at this point in life if women even have the mental capacity to love a man like a man can love a woman. I just never have seen a manifestation of true love in a woman at all, my entire life.

You see, a woman always wants the guy that every other woman seems to want. And it feeds her ego knowing that she can keep the man that every other woman seems to want, even if that man may seem utterly worthless to her and she does not know why every other woman wants that man. This is the whole trick of the player. He is simply the sort of manipulator who can convince every woman that every other woman wants him, and so they are not really ever even attracted to him, but attracted to the chance of social status they may attain for themselves by being associated with him. More often than not, he really is the scum of the earth. But since a woman is nearly incapable of loving anyone but herself, none of this ever occurs to her, and the cycle continues. I'm convinced that most women would date a giraffe if the giraffe could offer them a high level of social status. Most women really do only care about cars and money. Like I've said before, the vast majority of them are soulless wretches in makeup and high heels. A woman would choose a flimsy sense of security in misery before true love much of the time. They are earthbound, near-sighted, cornhusk who most of the time have all of the skill in choosing a companion that a fish has in choosing a fishing lure. If it's big, shiny and moves fast, they'll bite it.

Albeit, you have absolutely destroyed any trust between you. She will never fully trust you again. She will be paranoid for the rest of her life, and you will get tantrums from time to time for the rest of your days. And she will always silently remind you that it is all your fault. It will always be like this. Always. Always. Always. And always. 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' isn't quite true; hell is a woman scorned.

Women are passive aggressive by nature. When she asks you if it's 'her problem', what she means is that it's 'your problem'. If she's not happy, she'll make sure you're life is a nightmare and a constant emotional rollercoster. And she's not happy. The only reason she is still with you is because she feels that she must somehow restore her self image and sense of self worth, and she (like a delusional woman) feels that you are the only one who can 'validate' her. She does all of this while secretly hating you and yet wishing she could love you (which she may have deceived herself into believing she still does, which she does not), and hating you because she invested too much time loving you, at least the sort of delusional, self-absorbed emotionalism that a woman calls love. She's not getting a 'return' on her emotional investment. This is the very sort of reason why you will see couples who spend 25 years together and all of a sudden wake up one day and realize they haven't been in love for 20 of them. Hatred is the only thing that keeps them together.

She isn't crazy. She is doing what a normal, healthy naturally delusional female human does when she is REALLY pissed off. She doesn't care about what you did. She cares that you did it while being with her. And now she feels that you have to die. But it needs to be a long, drawn out, passive aggressive tortuous death by driving you into psychosis. If she can't have you, no one will have you. Any thing else would do damage to her social status and sense of social worth. Women have absolutely no means by which to judge their own sense of self worth besides the fickle mob. True, unabashed individuality is like some concept from an alien world to a woman. Oh, sure, they'll give lip service to you about how 'individualistic' they are. Yada, yada. They never are, though. Even their individuality is a mirror of whatever pop culture, trendy 'individuality' is en vogue at the moment.

[hatesthis]

She loves you and is scared of losing you that is why all the calls and texts and tantrums because she wants you but on the other side she has no faith or trust in you that you love or or that you understand what being faithful is, so unless you both can come to some happy agreement where she trusts what you tell her I don't see this working out at all. You are making each other miserable, not only her you, trust me you are making her just as miserable.