Should I leave her?

[Fabio760]

Hi ladies and gents ill make this short and sweet. Me and my gf have been together for 2yrs now and we've had our ups and down but loved eachother through it all however recently was probably our biggest fight and were in a sort of limbo. The reason is like a 3 or 4 part reason. 1 is a couple days before new years she told me she had to work for new years (night crew) and that she was bummed that she and I couldnt go with her friends to vegas, I told her initially we couldnt go because we couldnt afford it. Well new years eve comes around and im texting her throughout the night but getting nothing in response no big deal shes working right? Well midnight rolls around and I thought for sure she'd at least attempt to text but nope so I said ill stay up until she goes to luch or something at 3:30. I dont get anything back until 5am saying her phone was dead blah blah I was like ok. Week later her sister liked a picture on her instagram and wow did that open up a can of worms. I find out that theres no pictures of us and she actually went to vegas for new years without me and lied about it which leads me to number 2. As i found that out I also saw that she was passively flirting with dudes and taking pics like she was a fitness model. Plenty of guys were liking her pics saying omg perfection your so hot blah blah but one in particular she said "text me!" Heres number 3, that guy turns out to be her old crush from about 2yrs ago. So I thought that was fishy as hell. So i ask her hey what did you do for new years? And she said I was working remember? I said you sure you were working and boom she gets defensive saying stuff blah blah then she eventually admits she went to vegas and that guy from her instagram she hung out with including her 3 roommates and they went to LA together. Now through our entire relationship ive made it a point to not be an overbearing bf that doesnt allow her to see the light of day. I let her do what she wanted when she wanted like going to vegas with friends or going etc because I had total trust in her. But what hurt me is that she didnt tell me or lied about all of this which broke my heart because I feel like she burned my trust. I thought ive had my heart broken before but this takes the cake I felt broken sick and lost in a haze. Eventually we talked about all this and she said she was sorry and that new years eve sucked and that there was nothing between her and the dude on instagram and that shes sorry she was putting up those pics, etc. Now my question is the prospect of a fresh start does sound enticing right now because of our differences and little quarls before plus this crap, but I cant find myself to let go of her we've been through alot and I do care for her and I haven't been an angel in this relationship either(never cheated or anything just havent been the most loving guy ever again not aggressive or abusive just sometimes bland but just when im down) and think i might just be overeacting. Im lost if you were in my shoes what would you guys do?

Forgot to add she gets rather into her love and romance books now i know this is dorky to over react to but be it guys in movies or in books shes creaming her panties saying things like I wish these guys existed and wheres my "(insert romantic heros name)" like what am I chopped liver?

If it matters im 21 shes 24 so were not fresh youngins

[basilandthyme]

Fabio, I guess she didn't tell you that she was going because you'd already made an executive decision that neither of you was going to go. Out of curiosity, how would you have reacted if she'd told you that she was going anyway?

[Fabio760]

Fabio, I guess she didn't tell you that she was going because you'd already made an executive decision that neither of you was going to go. Out of curiosity, how would you have reacted if she'd told you that she was going anyway?

Oh believe me I wanted to go but shes always struggling to get by and I cant help because im still trying to get employed right now, I didnt tell her outright "no you cant go" I said you shouldnt go because its expensive and you know it. So she then said oh I looked at my schedule and I work anyway. See if she said well I want to go with my friends I would have said ok but dont spend to much and catch a ride with them etc granted I would have been a little bothered since I wanted to spend my new years with her but I wouldnt tell her what she can and cant do and it wouldnt be the first time shes gone somewhere without me shes been to vegas twice and san fran and she went with her friends and I even encouraged its good to get out. What hurt me this time is that she lied to me and I stayed up all night like an idiot waiting for her to text me.

[danizephyr]

I'm going to give you my honest opinion, even though that doesn't mean I'm right but hopefully it can open up your mind a bit and help you figure out what you're going to do.

I know you don't want to be overbearing or whatnot but she should've definitely been honest with you about going to Vegas on New Years. That's just immature on her part for lying to you. On top of it, not text you or call you to wish you a Happy New Year? That just seems careless coming from someone who is your significant other. I'm single and Lord knows how badly I wished I had someone to kiss and say "i love you, happy new year" to when the ball dropped. Isn't that part of the point of being in a relationship with someone? To share special events with them? I mean, I get having your separate circle of friends and going out to have a girls/boys night out from time to time but what she did was unacceptable.

Honestly, I really do think you should have a straight up talk with her and figure out where her heart is standing because I honestly think she's drifting away from you. I'm sorry but a person who loves another doesn't do that. Simple as that.

Good luck!

[basilandthyme]

Thanks for replying. I suspect that there's problems on both sides here:

She's lacking the communication skills to tell you things that you don't want to hear - like she's going to Vegas even though you say she can't afford it.

But on the flipside, I'm seeing hints that you could be a bit controlling. For example, telling your girlfriend that she "shouldn't" do something is not cool. Mate, it's not your place to tell her what she should and shouldn't do. Likewise, you said that you *let her* do what she wanted previously. It's like you're giving her permission or something! I know you say that you don't want to be an overbearing boyfriend who doesn't let her see the light of day....and you're certainly not that. But the words you use do make me wonder about you.

Instead of ending things, I suggest you get to the bottom of why she didn't tell you she was going. You need to find out if she simply didn't care about you or if it was because she didn't want to deal with your disapproval. When you ask her, don't start with the word "why?" It's too confronting, and besides, people often don't know why they do stuff. Instead, ask what she was feeling when she made the decision to go away without telling you. And when she tells you, don't argue with her. Just LISTEN. The whole point of the exercise is to find out why it went wrong and figure out how to fix it for next time.