How do i handle this

[Smila]

I met this lady at a house party in which we hit it off. At first i was skeptical, but when she decided to give me her number out of the blue, i was "okay, lets see how this goes". I and my friends leave the house party and then head downtown to a couple of Bars, i check my phone and there is a text from her--she is texted saying she enjoyed our encounter..i reciprocated and we had a couple of back and forth. In the end, she ended up leaving the house party to come meet me in the bar. We talked, danced and it was fun. We ended up kissing (a couple of times) and then we left --I asked her if i could come to her place that night, but she explained why it would not be a good idea. i agreed.

The next day, she texted and i replied and we continued this back and forth. We met for lunch during the week during which she greeted me with a kiss. We talked often on the phone. Everything was going smoothly.

On Valentine's day, i gave her some flowers (No Red's just White and Pink (to avoid being creepy))..took her out to go see a movie, had dinner and checked out a couple of bars where she introduced me to a couple of her friends. I dropped her at her home and drove back to my place.

After that she insisted that she wanted us to meet again, and this time, i wanted to switch things up (i felt that the restaurant/bar scene was kind of overused)...i decided to cook for her (and mind you i am a very good cook of outlandish foods) my place where we could enjoy our own company and have some good wine. I told her and she decided that it was a good idea..we decided on the time(texts); after which she called and we talked for like 20 mins during which we had our usual laughs and all.

The next day, i got a text from her during noon that she was sick with a sore throat and she wanted to take a rain-check on our meet in the evening. i was concerned as she said she was sick. i tried enquiring what was wrong, but this time, her text were not as immediate as before (previously, she replied within minutes) it took hours..

I called her - no answer (coming from someone who always insisted that i call her instead of texts). I sent another text and after a couple of hours she replied that she was getting better - her fever had gone, that she was making soup, that she would be fine.

I had this suspicious feeling that she may not have been ill-but i was not sure. Later in the day, i called her twice to checkup and she did not answer the phone. I was confused and shocked.

two days later, she updated her Facebook timeline ...i was like "seriously? she does realize she added me on Facebook and i can see these updates". If she could update her FB why could she not text back to at least tell me that she was ok, considering the fact that i was showing concern.

Funny thing was that i actually started liking her and i thought she did. My gut feeling tells me that maybe she did not want to come to my place (We are not kids) Both of us are in our 30's and i expect that if there is something that she is not comfortable with she should make it known.

This is crazy..because on the night before, she was open to the idea and we spoke about it at length and she was excited about the visit. So why this sudden change?
Maybe i could be over-reacting. Maybe she wants to step back and think the whole thing through, or maybe she was ill and does not want to be around me when she is ill. Its been 3 days...but this is coming from someone who for the past week was always bombarding my phone with text and calls....and then now, no communication. I want to make sense of it all.

How do i handle this? what could be responsible for this behaviour?

[basilandthyme]

What was her FB update? Was it something fun and upbeat? Or was she saying that she felt sick and was taking it easy?

That aside, there's a bit of neediness going on here. She was initially very demanding of your time. Now you're being very demanding of her when she's sick. I suspect that middle ground would be far more sensible for both of you.

[r321148]

Too fast too soon. Back off.
She didn't reply and within a couple of hours you call her up and then sent another text....ever think she could have been sleeping if she was sick? Then you called her twice more...this is sounding desperate. If she wasn't ignoring you and was genuinely sick/sleeping/at the doctors/with her family or whatever else people do when they're sick then you may have annoyed her with your persistence. You know your intentions were good but maybe she doesn't; seeing as you barely know each other it comes across more like a stalker and lowered her interest in you.
....Or maybe she was faking and coming to your house creeped her out...but then in that case she should have said.
Give it a few more days to cool off a bit and then test the water with a friendly text asking how she is and take it from there.

[Smila]

as per her FB post, she was busy reminding folks that she invited for her meet during the weekend to still confirm, in addition to her replying some other persons and even scheduling other meets.......even posting pics of her and her friend...Nothing close to sick....
Your sentiments are the same as mine....i never take things fast...as i said earlier, i was skeptical at first but i decided to let things go at her own pace (i believe it is better that way). She decided to up the pace and was always on my case with the checkups and calls and texts....is there anything wrong in trying to reciprocate?.

- - - Updated - - -

Trust me, i backed off a while a go...The reason i made those last two calls, was just to fulfill all righteousness...to ensure that i tried reaching her.
and besides, she was not at the Doctors.....just at home....making Herbal tea, cooking soup and updating her FB status..(loooool)...

Unfortunately, i am not testing the waters with any texts, as i said earlier...she was the aggressive one at first...she was the serial "text-er", she was the one that always wanted to meet-up. If her interest has fizzled away just like that, then she will be a dangerous person to be with....

Lets say my texts were too intrusive (or in your words, stalkerish), (for someone that showed that level of initial interest) what stopped her from returning my last calls at night? .If nothing else, to say.."hey i am doing much better..but i still need lots of rest and may not be able to be responsive to some of your inquiries"...

Look, i am old enough...and she is...At this point in our lives, you should make things easier for each other....and not the other way round..

and I shudder to imagine if this was a ruse to opt out of coming over to my apt....(Very unlikely)...she is too old for this


The ball is in her court

[Sunnybeach7]

If she was really sick, it could be that she was just sleeping, lazing around, and didn't want to be bothered. Maybe even it was her time of the month, and she didn't want to have to explain that to you being this is so new between you.

I say try again for a different week.. you will either have a date, or get the same result.. in which you will then have a better idea of how to go about things, or not.

[Smila]

^^^^^

I see your insight, but i've dug my self out of the hole initially and don't intend to dig myself back in. We were communicating excellently before the episode. Even if some of the reasons you gave are legitimate for her not returning my calls, nothing stops her from texting back..even if it is a week after...

[Sunnybeach7]

Are you sure nothing is stopping her? You don't know her that well.. you can't really tell what she's feeling. Maybe she feels bad that she stood you up.
I mean.. do you want a date or do you want to be sure your pride is in tact? If you're really not that into her then just let it go. If you are interested.. it's worth a text just to say "Hey, I was wondering when you want to call in that rain check?"... will that hurt to see if you get a reply?

[Smila]

LoooL....You really do sell your points.....

My issue is not the date...(there will be a thousand and one dates down the line)

If you re-read my initial post..my efforts to contact her had nothing to do with the date, just her well being...and they were all ignored.. I was made to look bad and desperate WHICH IS SOMETHING I AM NOT!!..

[Sunnybeach7]

Ok.. your initial point was lost on me
Well.. if she is making plans on fb obviously her well-being is well lol.
As for you looking bad and desperate.. did someone actually say that? I don't think caring makes someone look bad and desperate. I would lean more in the direction that she looks bad for never replying to you.
From all that you said, it does sound like she's a busy person.. always making plans with someone. Maybe not the best or most responsible kind of person to date? I don't know. I really can't say.. but yes, it is inconsiderate to never reply, I'm with you on that.

[Smila]

Funny, you are the only person to discern that she is a busy person...Infact multi-tasking is her middle name..


Her birthday is coming up next week.
Maybe a birthday text would be appropriate... What do you think?....note: we are both in our 30's

[rest77]

If you re-read my initial post..my efforts to contact her had nothing to do with the date, just her well being...and they were all ignored.. I was made to look bad and desperate WHICH IS SOMETHING I AM NOT!!..

I got you!
You did your part. I would say, just ignore her for now...

- - - Updated - - -

Maybe not the best or most responsible kind of person to date?

Am with you on these line.

[Sunnybeach7]

Funny, you are the only person to discern that she is a busy person...Infact multi-tasking is her middle name..


Her birthday is coming up next week.
Maybe a birthday text would be appropriate... What do you think?....note: we are both in our 30's

I try to look at the big picture with the most information I have

Yes, I think that's a good idea.. a birthday text seems safe and thoughtful