3 years wasting my time! Read my full story!!

[JasonSmithFree]

My Love
By Jason Smith
This is my story how I felt in love with someone.
It all started when I had to move to another school. It was in the second grade when I saw her for the first time. I was a little shy to her because we didn’t went to the same class. I’d never spoke to her the hole year, I also didn’t feel anything for her on that moment. But because her mother signed her up in the wrong class (My class) the next year I had the chance to meet her. From this point of I know she was special. I never felt the same. Every time I saw her my heart started to beat faster and my hand palms got sweaty. I didn’t had hope that we ever would be together but then something changed. We had an assignment for school. We had to pick a piece of a paper (Where everybody’s name was written on) and give a present and a poem that corresponds to that person. Coincidental she picked my name, it doesn’t matter witch person I took. The present wasn’t that special but the poem gave me hope! It was kind of a love/friend poem. It got me confusing so I never spoke up to her (I regret that ) about that. A couple of months passed by and every day my love got bigger but she didn’t notice. The positive thing was that I really became good friends with her. I wanted to get closer with her so I decide to get involved with her hobby’s. One of her hobby’s was watching series, one of her favorite is “Doctor Who”. So I started watching it and I really liked it. There was now a subject to talk about. And I think she saw me as one of her best(male)friends. More than a year pasted now. We are now in the 4th grade. I thought of her every day and every day past away like normal. Then there was a trip to Paris and then something happened. We went with a bus, I was sitting next to a friend and after a hour there was a stop so we could eat. After that break we went on the bus again but my friend sat next to someone else. I had a free spot next to me. Then she came sit next to me. I’m was so happy. We talked allot and we listen to each other music. I was excited the hole day. I said to myself that I would express myself to her on the way back. But there hap-pened something I her group that made her angry and she never thought to sit next to me. I’ve cried the way back but she didn’t know. I was devastated and the hole week I felt lonely and sad but I always had a smile on my face because I always hide my feelings for every-one. Two months later the school ended and after school we went drinking something with our friends. That’s when I started to writing poets for her about I feel about her. In the Summer I saw her for 2 times I think. I’ve write like 20 poets about her to express my feel-ings. When school started again I was so drilled to see her again and knowing that I would see her every day made me so happy. Then she said she organized a party and I was invit-ed. Eventually I was the only boy there and thought I had chance to talk to her how I feel about her. But that moment never came. There was a moment we were alone and we talked about love and she said that she get difficult in love. So I thought I never had a chance but I didn’t give up and still believed she would eventually have feelings for me. The next morn-ing everyone left and I was once again the last person to leave but I didn’t had the guts to say to her “I love you”. The only thing I said was “by, see you again”. I regretted it that I didn’t say what I feel. Not long after that there’s was a friend from me that also threw a party and she and I were also invited. It was in the city further so I went with the bus. But I had to wait on a friend and because wrong interpretation of me I was more than an hour to early. I’d waited on my friend on a bench. I’d write a new poet where I said that I prom-ised myself that I had to express myself to her. And for the hole hour I thought of sentences that I would say to her. When I was there I talked with her and she even went sitting on my lap. But I was so scared for her reaction so I didn’t say anything about my feelings for the hundred time. When I was heading home I felt so stupid and dumb that I send her a text message that said “I want to talk to you Monday, its private x”. But a friend of me warned me that my crush panicked when she got the text. So I send to her: “Never mind”. Since that day I felt very sad and lonely. I cried a lot of nights. After 2 a 3 weeks I waited for her at the gate. But she went that day on a very different road. But I didn’t give up so every day I waited for her but there was always a reason why I couldn’t speak to her. I just want-ed to talk to her because I suffered enough and wanted to move on with my life because it hurt me a lot. This is my story from the past 3 a 2 years that I loved her. But know we are her and I still didn’t tell her  I love her with hole my heart, I would die for her. (And may-be that’s the only solution) RIP.
Now we have a little vacation and it was nearly Halloween. She loves Halloween because it was an opportunity to be herself and get dressed. That’s because she threw another party. We all were costumed. I’ve put party lenses in my eyes (blue lenses). Maybe she would fall for that I thought. We arrived at the party and it was a lot of fun. I talked with a lot of peo-ple except her. I went outside and I sat near the water, it was peacefully and hoped that she would join me because I was gone for more than 15 min. But she never came. It isn’t her fault, it’s my fault. I did it for a second time and the door went open and somebody came sit next to me. It wasn’t her. When I was back inside there was a spot next to her that was free. I went sitting next to her and we talked  about the wrong subject. Another day I threw away.
Tuesday we will go on a trip with school. What will happen this time? And this happened. In the morning we went to camp where they killed people and caped them prison. I tried to stay close to her so that she would notice me, but that didn’t happened. When it was noon we went to a big city and we had a hour free so we we went eating and drink with friends (and someone people who walked with us) I enjoyed it very much . After that we had a little tour around the city. Once again she didn’t notice me. After that we had the trip back. She sat a couple of seats ahead of me. I stared at her and thought how it would be if she saw me standing. Then I took my mobile and send a message. “Can I ask you something”. She respond “yeah, tell me”. So I said” Did I ever said or do anything wrong in the last cou-ple of months?. She respond “no”. I asked her that because the last couple of months we didn’t spoke to much. She thought it was because we already said everything to each other. I hoped she would say something else. But she didn’t. Then the conversation ended. Like an half hour later a friend of my took my shoe and throw it away in the bus. I ran after it but then someone picked it up, it was she. She looked right in my eyes and that was the first moment of the day when she noticed me, at least .
Today was a sad day, I don’t know what I do wrong but she still doesn’t talk with me. I don’t know if she doesn’t notice me or she is ignoring me. I don’t know what’s better.
I’d went out yesterday and it made me really sad, here what’s happened: There was a party and we went with friend, someone told me that I don’t have to talk to her, that luck has to happen. That sentence had been haunting threw my head but I realized that was exactly what I had been doing for the last 2 years and it never happened. Then a friend of my told me that he met someone lately and that she would be there. I was his wingman and we went to the kebab and they talked a lot. When we had to go, he went to say goodbye and then they kissed. I was happy for him but I realized that from the moment he met her and the moment they kissed that it all was in a couple of week. I wanted to reach destination but 2 years later I’m still at the same point.
Today there happened something strange. The school began almost 3 a 4 months ago. And since the beginning I said that I would tell her. This happened: It was on a Wednesday and things went like normal. When school was done. When I get to my bike I saw that my tire was leak. So I called my parents to get me up. We meet at the usual place, and there was she standing with a friend. I joined them and said hi. After a minute or two her friend had to go. So there were we standing, all alone. Suddenly she said I was quite lately. This was the moment were I was waiting for, this was the perfect moment. But as usual I denied it, I’m such a coward. She had to go and while she was leaving she said: “Text me”. I thought it was a sign so I texted her. I waited long for her answer but she didn’t send me back. Maybe she was busy or there was something else? I don’t know. I just has to say “ I LOVE YOU” but I’m to scared.
(I think of her every day with hole my heart. When I try to get sleep I must think of her and cry. When I’m on my way to school I think of her. Every hour I think of her in school. There isn’t a moment I don’t think of her. I want to talk to her but I’m to afraid to lose her. She is the best thing that happened in me, even if she doesn’t love me. Nobody can know what I feel, they think they do but they can’t. I’m sure that I never will love someone like her. She means the world for me. Without her I’m nothing .)
Today was the day it ended 29/11/12. I asked her on Facebook. “What do I mean for you”. “You’re my awesome friend”. Then I snapped. I told her what she meant to me. But she didn’t have feelings for me. I was hart broken, devastated. I went to the balcony and just sat there. Thinking about my life, what I had reached and what not. I just looked into the sky and saw my life passing for my eyes. I sat there for a couple of hours. I was frozen but I didn’t care. I just wanted to be alone and just die. I didn’t sleep at all. The next day I just wanted to get drunk and forget everything. But because my friends didn’t go anywhere I stayed home, alone. So I got drunk at home, and felt foolish.
I will always love her, no matter what.
It’s now 2014, a new year a new start I hope.

[pcmaster]

No thanks, dont wana waste my 3 years here so wont read it.

[michelle23]

God cut that wall of text in half and put in some paragraphs. Ill consider reading it then.

We dont need a book. Just tell us the basics: your age, how long you were together, a brief overview of the relationship, what went wrong, why you split and what advice your looking for. Thanks

[smackie9]

I read the last part. He got friend zoned, and like a fool it took him 3 years to figure it out.

[Wakeup]

Yep.. definitely friend-zoned. lol

[JasonSmithFree]

I read the last part. He got friend zoned, and like a fool it took him 3 years to figure it out.

I know i got friendzoned, but should I still try to win her love?

[rest77]

I read the last part. He got friend zoned, and like a fool it took him 3 years to figure it out.

@Smackie9 lol That really crack me up

Love reading you guys comments, you, Wakeup, Michelle and others..

[HeartIsAching]

Geez... break that up into paragraphs and I'll attempt it. Not gonna read that wall of text.

[Lilia]

Why are you people so cold hearted?
He probably feels bad and you are throwing sarcastic comments.
Everybody deserves support and respect even if the story looks trivial and not serious to you it can mean a world to another person.

[pcmaster]

You are right. The reason the story is so long and detailed is because dude realy cares about girl. Its super importand to him as I understood from some fragments. Maybe first time in love or so.
I used to think just like you Lilia. This is loveforum and if person dont care about peoples stories than better dont post at all. But this time decided to write what I think even if its trolling(and got 3 thanks lol). I actually checked OP profile and last time hes been on is today so that means he still cares about replies. So lets read it and give our best!

[pcmaster]

1. Common hobbies you two had tied you even more to her emotionaly. Writing poems trained you to see best in her and made her even more special and high valuable person in your mind. In reality you are able only see whats inside of you thru this fantazy. Basicaly you just mindfuked yourself with these poems. Mind dont see difference between whats real and whats not so you fell in love even more.

2. It was stupid to ask about her feelings towards you. Unlike you shes living in reality and dont write poems(or think all the time) about people who she dont talk to. Ofcourse she didnt felt the same. You did nothing to make her feel that way.

3. Accept all your mistakes, you still are young if you would knew better you would do it. Girl meant world to you and it was your first mistake. Thats why it was so hard to speak with her. Thats why you failed everytime beause she was too big for you, you let your feelings grow too much and couldnt handle her wnymore.

4.And no dont try to win her love. You have to cool down first. Understand thats shes just a girl and stop having feelings for her and stop think about her. You have to learn first how to interact with girls. What I noticed you are able to express yourself thru phone and social media(FB) but still have long way to go to train yourself be more direct and open in direct communication(eye to eye).

Use this guide below it will help you a lot with girls in future. Kiss at least one girl before you try to make her your GF.

loveforum.net/threads/85674-Guide-on-interacting-with-girls

Oh and this will help you move on to get your feeling under control what you have to do aswell

loveforum.net/threads/85672-Guide-How-to-deal-with-breakup

[Valixy]

It happens, Jason, to develop feelings for a person, not dare to initiate a date and try the waters, until one day when you finally have the courage to but you find out that your feelings aren't corresponded. You should try in the future not to invest too much time and feelings in someone before you have a chance to check that the other person is also attracted to you. Love can be a happy feeling when besides giving you also receive and this is how you should think of experimenting love from now on.

You need to forget this girl and let go this dream of love that didn't become true. We all have dreams that weren't really meant for us, love dreams, career dreams, etc., and they had to be left behind when we finally had a reality check. It's the only way to be free and to give yourself the chance to have a happy time in your life when you're enjoying things how they are, or going for more and inevitably meeting new girls who could like you just as much as you like them or more. Good luck.

[HeartIsAching]

Why are you people so cold hearted?
He probably feels bad and you are throwing sarcastic comments.
Everybody deserves support and respect even if the story looks trivial and not serious to you it can mean a world to another person.

I wasn't being sarcastic, I was completely serious. OP comes here asking for help, but doesn't make any attempt to make what he's written readable. It's not difficult to break it up into paragraphs, and it is in fact something he should've learned in primary school. "Text" writing and computers have made young people lazy in this regard, and it's annoying to try to decipher.

I'd be happy to help - but if the OP wants my help he needs to meet me halfway and make his post readable.

[basilandthyme]

Why are you people so cold hearted?
He probably feels bad and you are throwing sarcastic comments.
Everybody deserves support and respect even if the story looks trivial and not serious to you it can mean a world to another person.

I saw his wall of text and instead of taking the time to read the unreadable, I simply move on. I think those who took the time to tell him why he's not getting responses are probably helping more than those of us who look at it, think 'too hard' and move on.

Anyway, I'm happy to give support and respect...but the OP needs to make the post readable first.

[Wakeup]

I know i got friendzoned, but should I still try to win her love?

There is no point. Once you've been friend zoned (in the true sense, which you have been) then there is no coming back from that. Read the "Ladder Theory" and educate yourself so that next time you see a pretty girl you refuse to be her friend until after you've established at least a kiss or two. That way you'll cement it in her mind that you want her for more then friendship and if she doesn't want your kiss then you can stop hanging with her and crushing your freaking life away.

- - - Updated - - -

Why are you people so cold hearted?
He probably feels bad and you are throwing sarcastic comments.
Everybody deserves support and respect even if the story looks trivial and not serious to you it can mean a world to another person.

And just how is this helping the Op? You didn't even bother to give HIM advice? O.o

Bloody pot.