What if a friend has a crush on you?

[Anonymousdude]

Hello, I'm 17 years old and I've liked a girl since October. We're friends. She doesn't know that I like her but I know 100% that she doesn't like me. I can't avoid her because then I'd be avoiding all my friends. Next term we're going to get into the same class. (We currently go to two different programmes (which means different classes) but I'm changing to her programme because it better fit my interests.) There's no point in taking a distance because it's literally not possible. I love everything about her and it's so so so so so excruciating. I wish I never met her, because then I'd never know that someone like her existed. I want to stay friends but I can't feel good as long as I still like her. I just genuinely have no idea what to do. Is there anything I can do?

I could tell her but how would that help? Our relationship gets awkward, I'll get into her class where we'll feel even more uncomfortable. And when I get into her class I might be alone because she might not want me to be with her friends as long as our relationship is awkward.

I could shut up and continue being a friend. But it makes me feel shit and genuinely bad about myself. My self-esteem has suffered GREATLY from this.

I could shut up and ignore her. But that's unfair to her. She might wonder if she did something wrong. It seems rude. When I get into her class I might be lonely because I've more or less severed our relationship.

Let's say you got to know for five minutes that your friend felt this way. You'd know you'd forget about it in five minutes again. If you could tell him/yourself what to do in this situation before you forgot about it again... what would you say?

[smackie9]

I would start to avoid you because it would be awkward.

Dude you keep having these "crushes" stop being so obsessive. I get it you are lonely, but crushing on someone from afar, isn't the way to do it.

When you meet a nice girl, ask her out, don't be friends with her for months, and start crushing on her.

[searock]

If you are really 100% certain that she doesn't like you back, stop hanging out with her. If she asks why the sudden change in behavior, tell her that you have feelings for her and since she doesn't reciprocate it would only hurt you to hang out with her.

Don't "make friends" with someone you are attracted to. It never works. Either ask them out or stay away from them.

[Anonymousdude]

I would start to avoid you because it would be awkward.

Dude you keep having these "crushes" stop being so obsessive. I get it you are lonely, but crushing on someone from afar, isn't the way to do it.

When you meet a nice girl, ask her out, don't be friends with her for months, and start crushing on her.

Well, that might've been a good advice a long time ago but now it's too late.

- - - Updated - - -

Sure, I get that now but I didn't when I started liking her. Here I am. I can't stay away from her, we're in the same circle of friends. To stay away from her would be to stay away from my friends. :/

[smackie9]

You are just making excuses. You can, and I know you can, hang out with some of your friends without her being there. You have control over who hangs out with you, just by inviting friend A, and B to play a video game or go check out girls. She doesn't need to be there all the time.

[Anonymousdude]

You are just making excuses. You can, and I know you can, hang out with some of your friends without her being there. You have control over who hangs out with you, just by inviting friend A, and B to play a video game or go check out girls. She doesn't need to be there all the time.

I'm afraid I'm not. We're in a close friend gang. We do stuff together with EVERYONE. If an event is planned, everyone is invited. We're in the same class which means we hang out in school all day together and when we decide to do things we decide that in school... together.

[searock]

Just stop talking to her. Say hi and bye but don't talk to her alone, even when you're in a group.

[smackie9]

omg what a bunch of cling-ons!

Like I said YOU do have control over who you hang out with. You can invite 1 or 2 out to do stuff with you. Grow a spine.

[Wakeup]

What is wrong with you that you can't just stop your lovelorn thoughts of her. It will take time but when you know someone doesn't want you the way you want them (like you said she doesn't want you) then its quite possible to turn off your feelings of admiration. After all, Who TF wants to be with someone that doesn't view you with lust, admiration, infatuation and with the possibility of you being together as friends and lovers in a committed relationship.

ACCEPTANCE is a healing action word. ACCEPT that you're like her brother ~ someone she has NO SEXUAL OR ROMANTIC interest in and you'll soon enough stop these wanton thoughts for her.

Step out of your comfort zone and start talking to a girl that is not your friend in "the group" and ask her out before she puts you on the friend ladder and you end up yet again being thought of like her brother.