To Pursue Her, Or Let Her Go

[eclayman]

Some quick and dirty background information: I’m 24 and have never been in a relationship or been on a date. Reason being, I was kinda big in school and had self-confidence issues. Because of that, unfortunately, I was never a participant of this dating game and lack any experience in it. I’m not even close to the same guy now. I’ve lost a lot of that weight and am extremely confident in who I am. What might be odd, is that I am having my first crush now. Some things matter more to me than others, so let’s just assume I’m not socially awkward or weird.

So, for the past month, I’ve been on a rollercoaster. From the outside looking in, I thought people were strange, but now that I am feeling and going through the same thing, I can empathize, this is tough. I go from extreme highs to sucky lows. And that all revolves around interaction with this girl. I think I need help understanding it all.

Here’s my situation:

I’m 24, she’s 18, to be 19 in a month’s time. I’ve never met anyone like her. We share a LOT of interests in common. The problem I’m having, is I can’t tell if she’s interested in me. Now, I’m a straight talker. I may put flowers around my words, but I say what’s on my mind and don’t have a problem doing so. I just can’t tell her how I feel until this fall. In the meantime, I’m trying to figure out if I should pursue and court her or not. Part of the problem, is that I’ve known her for about 5-6 months, but my feelings began to develop in the past month.

Aaaaand here is why I can’t figure her out:

I’m 75% sure she’s really traditional in that the guy should be chasing her. I have no problem with that, but it is making it somewhat difficult to deduce.

We have talked on Facebook for hours at night, but it’s me that initiates the conversations. We text occasionally, but she nearly always responds within a couple of minutes. She has texted me a few times to start a short dialogue, though.

It’s really easy for me to make her smile and laugh. She seems like just a friendly and outgoing person though, just like me.

A while back, twice in one day, she half shouted “Surprise hug!” and came up from behind me and hugged me. I thought nothing of it at the time, but now I wish I had returned the hugs, because I feel like I scared her off from ever hugging me, as it hasn't happened since then.

She will occasionally touch my shoulder when comforting me after I feign sadness being a funny guy. But she seems… I don’t know, it’s a really light touch, hesitant isn’t the right word… Nervous is closer, maybe awkwardly-nervous.
She doesn't seem to have a personal space issue with me. Then again, she could just be comfortable around me. Just today, I decided to test it and got close enough to have my forearm touch her forearm and she just left it like that until I moved away a few seconds later to not seem creepy.

When I’m talking to her, she does look at me. It’s a weird look, and I’m not sure I could accurately describe it, but that could just be my imagination and what I WANT. She stares into my eyes.
Out of the blue, she wanted to start eating like I do (Primal) but she has no weight to lose. When I jokingly asked why, she didn’t actually give me a reason, just a movie quote. Then again, she could have observed how much energy and healthy I seem and wanted to feel the same and stay healthy herself.

We both go to a group thing, and that’s where I met her. We’ve decided to theme out the days. She could just be having fun, though.

Someone told me she would start touching her hair if she was interested. Problem is, she never touches her hair. She’s a hair girl. I’ve overheard her say she doesn’t like anyone touching her hair.

Just today, I actually caught her looking at me from across the room. She didn’t look away right away, though, she held the gaze for a few seconds, then we both turned away. But I’ve only just caught her doing it once today, I’m not sure if she’s been doing it.

I was tasked for playing music for this group and mentioned I’d rather not sing alone. She offered to sing with me right away. (She does like to sing and loves music though). A couple of weeks later, she gave me her number for when I wanted to practice.

There is more, but what can you guys gather from this? Is it just a bunch of information that could be either/or? Is there anything I should look for next time I see her? Anything I should test/try next time I see her? I feel so clueless, and it’s killing me! I want to go with my gut, I want to say she's interested and she feels the same way... but my mind is analyzing EVERYTHING and nitpicking. It tells me, "Yeah, you're funny, you're cool, you're not a bad catch, but she's probably crushing on someone better." I don't have this problem with other girls that I'm not interested in. I can really tell they are crushing on me, but not THIS girl. I can't figure her out!

[pcmaster]

Just try top be more simple and straight forward. Basically just see her as any other human being and interact face to face. Say what you want and do what you want. Its really about energy you put into her. She reflects how you feel(your energy).

loveforum.net/threads/85674-Guide-on-interacting-with-girls

[basilandthyme]

You're over analysing. Just ask her out - her answer will give you your answer.

And have plans in your mind when you ask her out. Ask her if she's free for dinner this weekend - dont be vague and ask if she'd like to go out sometime

[nico88]

So I'm not a female but I'm gunna give you some advice anyways..

Just work up the nerve to ask her out. Life is too short to be wasting time just thinking about doing something or over analyzing shit. If she's as great as you think she is chances are there's a lot of other guys who see those qualities in her as well and you don't want to lose your chance to another guy because you're sitting around waiting for a sure sign from her that she's interested in you.

If you like her, go get her. Simple as that.

[eclayman]

I can't ask her out until this fall. That's my problem. I won't have a problem doing it, but I can't right now. I AM scared of focusing so much of my energy on her when I can't ask her out yet. And like you said Nico88, I'm sure a lot of other guys see how great she is, which also has me scared, because, due to circumstances, they can ask her out now, while I have to wait. That's why I'm so confused as to whether I should focus on her.

[pcmaster]

Its not like asking her out is gonna change things dramatically. If you are awkward with her in normal setting when you see her then when going out you will be the same. First just learn communicate by saying what you think, feel and want to her. Basically just train yourself to say things you think are important.
Also as I understand from your writing you could be more comfortable by touching her.

This guy could help you get some idea on what to do.

[eclayman]

I'm not awkward around her, I feel very comfortable. I'm also not sure how to lead in to touch her. She's not that type of girl in the video, which I am thankful for.

Should I just start poking her during a conversation or when I am sitting next to her? Haha.

[pcmaster]

Well you still are inexperienced and could me much more comfortable near girls. I mean breaking the touch barrier, doing little simple things like holding her hand, putting hand around her waist, taking her to sit in your lap. things that eventualy leads to kissing. You know escalate. Words are important but to get chemistry going touch are as much crucial. You think shes not like the girls in video but you are worng. Thats your first mistake. The moment when you start think girl is special you already tied you hands. Start to thing stupid thinks like " I dont want touch her too much, does she likes this will she like that, how to approach her" etc. If you want to progress thread her like a simple girl.

[nico88]

Just because you're not able to make your move now, doesn't mean you need to back off. If you would like to see what could happen between you two, use what you do have to your advantage.

Keep talking to her on facebook, if she post a new photo like it or if you feel confident enough comment that she looks pretty,keep sending her texts, try to engage in a phone call every now and then. Since there's physical distance between you two right now you need to make sure she's knows you're interested. Otherwise you might slip off her radar and if you do you're kinda ****ed.

And honestly dude, this is just my opinion and I mean no disrespect to pcmaster ,but don't act like those guys in those videos. Just be you. I'm not claiming by any means to be always on point with the ladies, but I do know a few things.

For example: they don't talk to a guy they don't like on fb for hours, they don't want to hug guys who they find gross or unattractive. Unless you know..they like the guy as a friend. But I don't think that's the case here. I mean that eye contact seems like flirting basics to me..

[HeartIsAching]

You're over analysing. Just ask her out - her answer will give you your answer.

And have plans in your mind when you ask her out. Ask her if she's free for dinner this weekend - dont be vague and ask if she'd like to go out sometime

*ding ding ding* We have a winnah!

Seriously dude. Grow a pair and ask her out. End of.

[eclayman]

Circumstances don't allow me to ask her out right now. For one, she's definitely not going to appreciate it, the group wouldn't appreciate it, her family would definitely not appreciate it. Thanks Nico, I've been hoping I'm not TOO subtle with her. I return the eye contact and focus on her in a conversation. I have commented that she looks amazing in person. Like I said, I'm not shy, I'm not awkward, I do not lack confidence whatsoever anymore.

On texting her. She does strike me as a traditional girl, should I be worried if she doesn't start the text conversations anymore? After I've texted her, I never get one or two words responses... they keep the conversation going and are enthusiastic, but I keep reading that if she doesn't text first, she's just not interested at all.

[MrLoyal]

You are doing everything wrong. Ask her out and stop initiating contact with her. No wonder she has lost interest.

You need to give her time to initiate contact. When she does ask her on a date and don't contact her until the date. You are being needy dude. Grow a pair.

[nico88]

Yeah, let me clarify, you definitely don't want to smother the girl. I'm not telling you to constantly blow up her phone haha. It's just from my experience if you see a future with a girl you need to cut all the bullshit games out of the mix.

But since you're not really sure if she's into you, than yeah wait for her to text you next time. Does she never initiate any of your conversations?

[HeartIsAching]

Circumstances don't allow me to ask her out right now. For one, she's definitely not going to appreciate it, the group wouldn't appreciate it, her family would definitely not appreciate it.

Then what's the point?

[eclayman]

Yeah, let me clarify, you definitely don't want to smother the girl. I'm not telling you to constantly blow up her phone haha. It's just from my experience if you see a future with a girl you need to cut all the bullshit games out of the mix.

But since you're not really sure if she's into you, than yeah wait for her to text you next time. Does she never initiate any of your conversations?

She has a few times a few weeks ago. It almost feels like she was baiting me, if that makes sense. She'd start a few conversations with me then I fell for into the trap and became the one initiating the conversations.

And HeartIsAching, the point is that I'm looking for certain characteristics that are really difficult to find in a girl these days.