BF with social awkwardness

[twinkle89]

Hi Everyone!

I am a 25 year old woman and I have had a bf for the last 4 years. He is great and I really love him. But he is socially awkward and does not interact with my friends and hardly has any good friends of his own. He gets very introverted in parties and does not make conversation with others. I am much more outgoing and end up feeling very bad about this. I like being with my friends and cannot force myself stay at home with him all the time. Although everything else is great, I feel like this is adding a lot of pressure on both of us and we want this relationship to work. Has anyone been in a similar relationship? I really need some advice! Thank you

[michelle23]

Im in a relationship like that. It can be hard sometimes. There was a period where he made no effort and I was feeling quiet bored and fed up for awhile. I missed having a real social life.. Hed rather stay home with me too and we used to argue about it sometimes. But were really compatible in every other way and he has so many amazing qualities and he makes a big effort with my family and will go out if I really want to so I have learned to accept this one thing that bothers me coz in every other way hes perfect. I mean it would be worse if he was a party animal, out getting drunk every weekend, flirting with other girls, taking me for granted... Its hard to find a middle ground-someone who is not too out there but not too quiet either

You should try to find a compromise. Make an effort with his close friends and their gfs and at least then you could double date occassionally. Go bowling or invite people over for drinks. That works for us

[basilandthyme]

Michelle has some great ideas there.

I have to say that I struggle in certain social situations. For this reason, we tend to prefer smaller functions. I can chat a lot more easily at, say, at dinner party for six than at an event with many people who I don't know. Hubby also used to introduce me to people who can talk easily and who I'd get along with and that helped heaps - but now I know all his friends and am fine on my own. I've also gotten far better at small talk with practice.

The thing Michelle said about compromise is the most important though. We compromise and it works well. But my ex-h was so introverted that he'd virtually make himself ill with nerves before going out. I'd go as far as suggesting that he developed some type of social phobia. My ex wouldn't address the issues (which is one of the reasons he's an ex), but if your guy is as bad as mine was, I'd suggest that counselling be an expectation if this relationship is to continue.

[TablesandChairs]

My partner isn't amazing socially either...Might have something to do with how he was raised. My parents always threw parties so I grew up in a very social environment whereas his parents were/are quite introverted, keep to themselves. Either way - my ex was very social/life of the party but he was an a-hole in many other ways. Some people are just more introverted, if your partner is anything like mine, then his positives will far outweigh any negatives. And, as Michelle mentions, it's a heck of a lot better than having a partner who rocks up drunk at 4 am on a regular basis.

[dem862]

Does this bother him or just you? Is he happy in his solitude? Is his desire to be more outgoing to please you and is that causing pressure and stress on him? The reason I ask is because it looks like you want a fundamental personality change to occur and that isn't going to happen unless he wants it to. Do you have any understanding at all why he is that way?

[dontaskme]

I agree with all of the posters. You cannot ask a person to change for you. If it makes him uncomfortable to be around people why force him to?

Maybe a very small group will help?

[lalalita]

Classic introvert VS. extrovert.

You're extroverted - you prefer the company of others. Going out, parties.

He's introverted - prefer to be alone or with a loved one. Staying home, enjoying solo activities. (IE: Loner)

There's nothing wrong with either of you, you're just different. He's not wrong for wanting to stay home, you're not wrong for wanting to be a social butterfly. Like others have said, compromise is key here. If you want someone who is going to be gun-ho about going out and partying with lots of people, you're in for a rude awakening, it's not going to be him. If anything, he'll do it occasionally to please you (IE: compromising). You should also be staying home occasionally to please him.

You sound a little insensitive. "Has no close friends", "gets introverted at parties". So what? He choses to be this way. I bet you he's not some loser incapable of making friends, he just choses to be singular.

[Belleann]

Twinkle, I agree with everyone here but to add to it, 4 years?!!! Didn't u realize this about him 3 1/2 years ago. Why make an issue of it now?!!!