This story is rather intense and unique.

Currently, my wife is in training to become an Officer in the French Army and is gone for 3 weeks without contact, and I am in Australia waiting to meet her in France after. This I will get to more after a back story and the issue.

I have been married to this French woman for 2 years now and seeing her for 5, but it has been a long distance relationship the whole time. We have tried to settle with each other, but something has always came up. I was in the US Army and had been inflicted with serious trauma that had left me distant since the 2nd year we were together. I still loved her and it showed, but I never admitted I was maybe screwed up after the war and it slowly made me colder, in addition with a series of other things destroyed me. We still flew to see each other every few months and stayed together for a few months, but this last stretch in Australia while I studied Anthropology has been hard. I grew cold and distant while she has been wanting me to be hers and settle with her this whole time, but I had been cut off emotionally and focused on an ambitious endeavor. Time went by and when she left her stay with me in Australia, she gave permission to go with other girls, which I didn't consider until she started threatening me with hints of cheating, trying evoke some sort of emotional response I presume, because admittedly I can't blame her for trying. Still, I thought that was bit far so I took her permission and went with a couple girls. It felt wrong of course and didn't do any pleasure or get far- they weren't her.
Anyways, a few weeks later she figured it out and was devastated. I've seen her hurt, but that time had gotten far passed the emotional guard I had seemed to be in denial of. For the first time in years I had felt something so strong, but this was guilt. Then I felt the love that I hadn't for so long as I saw her breaking down on Skype. I learned that she did cheat on me with her brother's friend a year or so ago, and I wasn't so shocked. I came clean with everything, including the first time she gave me a 'permission'to go with a girl when I came back from Afghanistan. I suppose she gave me these permissions, but never expected me to actually do it. None of the sex really mattered anyways, or was even pleasurable, but I always felt guilty- even with her permission. She was visibly shocked that I had slept ( attempted to, more or less) with 4 girls over this time and made out with one. I also came clean with what really happened during the war, and things I should have told her happened to me during childhood, and the things she did that hurt me. She told me her secrets as well. Up to this point, I had been on a mission to enlist in the New Zealand Army to enter a unit there, and from Australia it was easier. I finally got accepted that same week, after a year of trying. However, I had a change of heart. I finally realized that I should have lived for her and so I gave up my ambition for NZ and told her I'll meet her in France in a few weeks after her training. Over the course of the week, she went from hating my guts to admitting she wanted to work things out, to hours of Skype sessions - smiling and talking about never letting ourselves grow this far apart in the future, and never hiding anything again. We also had a plan for me to join the French Army after her, which is an option I feel so blinded to have over looked. I had given up drinking at that point as well, and no desire to drink since. The last time we talked, she said she was proud to see the changes I was making and had told me to cheer up- I had taken this harder than she did. She wanted things to work out and seemed she had already been happy for what was taking place, then she kissed me good bye, but nothing more. Since, I have felt like I have been brought back to the world and rekindled a deep love for her I thought was lost like everything I had become. I realized my problems and sins, so I quit drinking to focus on making peace with everything I have refused to believe was making me suffer.

Though 3 weeks has proven to be a long tortuous wait. My main concern is her feeling like dropping the whole idea of our relationship by rethinking everything I have done. Or if the success of her training could put off the idea of working things out. Or even finding some other guy training with her much more simple and desirable. Perhaps it is being feeble minded, but the vulnerability I have been exposed to may be contributing to fear. It's hard to think she would let 3 weeks and a bunch of new army recruits get in the way of our relationship- especially since we have a unique second chance to restart our relationship and marriage even stronger than before. Thoughts anyone?