Need advice partners ex in our lives

[nippaggon]

Hi
So i just need some advice thats non bias regarding a disagreement in my relationship. So my partner has a few ex partners that he is pretty good friends with, and i find this really difficult to deal with. I will make it clear its not about trust. I dont think he'd cheat on me. But It just hurts me as I dont like to think about them being together, knowing that they know him in a way that i know him now. It just hurts me. Its not all females. I have no issues with females that are friends. just people he has a past with.

He wants to remain friends with them. he sees them every so often maybe every few weeks. yesterday was with one of them while I am currently away. He knows how i feel about them but he stresses that he has to 'respect them' by remaining friends with them and seeing them. I have tried to just accept this, but it really upsets me.

I think it will always upset me. And may have to be something that i have to learn to accept. But another issue I have is this is the lack of consideration for my feelings. For instance last night (while I was away interstate), he texts me casually saying he just hung out with one of them a few hours that evening with a smiley face knowing exactly how I feel. When i asked where at and how long for (which is all i asked) following mentioning it makes me sad, his response was that he was really annoyed that i didnt ask how they were and that relationships are not supposed to be stressful ect painting me to have done something wrong by being upset.
I think it might have been easier if he was understanding and said something like ' i know youll be upset but i saw (xs name) today , but you have nothing to worrry about it wasnt long or something a bit more sensitive to my feelings.

after talking further he said that he was a good person and he respects them and they respect him and will continue to keep them as friends so its my choice. please can i have some good advise for both of us because we clearly disagree and need an alternative

[michelle23]

Why are you tolerating this? This screams untrustworthy and I wouldn't be surprised if he has/is cheating on you. Exes have no place in our lives. We owe them nothing. They are exes for a reason and most normal people don't try to stay friends unless they have children together. I am assuming he doesn't have kids with them so he has no reason to remain in contact with them.

This should be a deal breaker for you. I would dump him. You are his partner, you should come first, your feelings should matter but he is being manipulative and acting like your the problem. Your not

When you are in a relationship there has to be boundaries and lines you don't cross. One of those boundaries is not hanging out alone or doing date like activities with the opposite sex. Hes playing dumb here but hes not stupid and he knows this behavior is not okay but he thinks you will keep letting him get away with it.

I think its time to let him go

[Rusty88]

Yeah totally agree with Michelle. This is disrespectful to say the least. Who is he dating you or them?

And for the record, I feel the exact same way as you. My girlfriend is still friends with her ex's, and still texts them, etc. However she doesn't see them, I wouldn't let that happen. But it still bugs me to think about them together, seeing their pictures on FB, etc. Is it insecure? Maybe. But you and I both know that it's a feeling that impossible to make go away, it's who we are. Good luck to you, but seriously I wouldn't tolerate much more of that.