confusion and paranoia in my relationship :/

[idontknow33]

Hey. So here's my situation. I have been in a almost perfect relationship with my current gf for close to 4 years now. There's really been nothing wrong with it and honestly I don't quite believe how lucky I am to be in such a relationship. I am 21 and so is my gf. The only possible thing that isnt perfect is that perhaps she is not the same dialect group as me (though being same race-Indians are rather particular about this). Despite this I have managed to have my family accept her and they approve of my relationship. We have been very happy together, and we still are.

Recently she went on a school exchange. It has been 3 weeks that she is overseas. She will be away for another 2 months and I'm going to join her for a road trip for 3 weeks right aft her exchange is done. She misses me dearly and does not even have thoughts about anything else but eagerly waiting to see me again. It is amazing how she can love me so much. But here comes my confusion... I am starting to feel confused as to whether I do really reciprocate the same amount of love as her. Yes I do miss her but not clearly quite as much as she does for me. And it almost seems as if I can live my life just as well without her. Which brings me to my first confusion - I DON'T KNOW IF I'M TRULY IN LOVE WITH HER OR JUST THE IDEA OF HAVING HER. It feels as if I could replace her and be okay with it. I don't believe anyone could understand and sacrifice for me as much as she does, yet I still can feel this way. And this scares me, bcuz as much as I want to be with her I don't know if I will be enough for her. Or am I just a ticking time bomb who's love for her will eventually fade. Just 3 weeks without her and I already feel this way.

My second confusion is of course in the form of another girl. Don't get me wrong. I have done absolutely nothing with her. I will not cheat on my current girlfriend. But the fact that I have thought about it scares me already. This new girl, let's call her S, was a girl I had met 6 yrs ago before meeting my gf. I had a liking for her then. And just last weekend we ended up as guests to a 3 day alcohol fuelled destination wedding of a mutual friend. So I had reconnected with her.. And the moment I first saw S at the wedding I felt the same feelings anyone would feel looking at someone they liked. Needless to say she was beautiful, approached me first to rekindle our friendship, and from the exact same dialect group as me too. I felt it an attraction. And throughout the wedding I only wanted to bump into her. It was all I could think of honestly. Whether I was drunk or sober. I enjoyed her company completely.

Maybe I should explain something abut clearer first. Different dialects for Indians are like different cultures. There are many varying things, from our mother tongue to the food we eat and our lifestyles. My gf and I have always managed to put this behind us. The issue was more with my fam as compared to hers but I nvr made it an issue bcuz I didn't believe in it. I thought we could make it work no matter. and I convinced her to believe in that too.

So why now, aft my gf goes away just for this while and my meeting with S, is that I'm starting to think about my future with her and it's possibility of not working out? My gf and I have talked about marriage and family before. It was our goal. I love kids but she doesn't want them. Though it feels as if I can convince her to come around that. WHY AM I THINKING ALL OF THIS NOW?? This girl S may not even be right for me, but how can I have a crush on her nevertheless?? It doesn't make sense at all. It's like I'm more interested in starting a relationship with S instead of chatting with my gf.

Please help me. Ask me anything. I'll give you the info for it. I share everything with my gf and she helps me out always but I can't tell her this.
(S just added me on instagram. She knows I have a gf and that we are just friends. It's not like we talked that much over the wedding too. But still I can't help but feel excited. I've received attention from other random girls before. But I nvr felt this way...)

[Wakeup]

Did you tell "S" that you were in a relationship with someone that you strived to convince your parents you should be allowed to be with?

[idontknow33]

Thanks for the reply [MENTION=52694]Wakeup[/MENTION]. But honestly S isn't the issue here. It's more of the underlying factor of family and culture as well the uncertainty of having kids. Are these problems ppl face which can cause breakups? She has been my everything for the longest time, and if these 2 factors needn't be considered then I wouldn't have any doubt at all.