Friendzoned or?

[Bellinda]

Hello everyone!

For start, sorry for my bad english.

My name is Bellinda and I'm 27. Not so young, but still don't get some things so i'm asking you to help.
My whole life I'm sorrounded mostly by boys. Went on college where I was the only girl. Worked for a company where was 10% female workers, so most of my friend are men. I like to hang out with them, watch football, play video games, drink beer.. I'm not saying other woman don't do that, but I have to admit that I'm not very lady-like, (don't know the word)
I don't wear make up, heels... I do sometimes actually, but it's once or twice a year.. Nevermind.

I don't get feel in loved easily. I was inloved twice. And both my relationships were ruined by my behavior. I'm that girl who "hates" when everything is perfect so I drama around every little things just to spice it a little bit, and that scares guys avay.

Honestly, last guy I was with was in september 2012. and since him, I didn't like anyone. i did some dating but nothing important. Till december 2014. when in my firm came one guy. He was very attractive, but I didnt care much. He always asked me to help, inviting me for a drink, but I didnt like him at first. (I usually avoid handsome guys because I'm scared he's a player.)

So I went on a drink with him in february, on Valetines and the way he speaks, the things he like, music,.. we're the same. I ahve very strange type of men I like, and believe me, he's got it all. He even has a dog like I do. My fav- pug. Since we went on our first dring, we became like one. (dont't know the word. ) and we keep on see each other every day. Before work, at work, after work. We even arranged out working time the same, so we can be together as much time we can. Literally, I couldn't get enough of him. He was so amazing, and nice, and we had so much fun and things to talk about. I couldn't be bored with him. But he wasn't like others, you know... to wwant one thing only.

and then one day, I invited him to my place, and we had sex. After that, he told me he is in relationship since he was 15. 9 years, And that he loves his gf, and she is amazing, and blah blah... I was very hurt. Really, I didnt know that. And no body knew him, that could tell me he is in relationship. I told him many times to move away from me. That he hurt me, and I don't want to see him. But he didnt leave me alone.
He called me, texted me, even told me "you cant get away from me just like that.". He way in front of my flat 2 hours, begging me to come down and talked to him. I didn't. And then, when I went for a drink with my friends from work, he showed up. And we talked, and I decided, if we cannot be couple, we can be friends. I'll get over him. I cannot live without him, couse he makes me laugh, and he is so interesting.

So we continued to hang out just like before that day, like nothing happened. I went on a few dates, he was jealous, telling me sth like, there is no other guy for you, you cannot break up with me.. Telling others like: i have two girlfriends. Look at my linda Bellinda...
Sometimes he even told me he loved me.

And then, in April, i got a promotion, and moved to Austria. From Slovenia, where I live. And we still were in touch. Messaging all day, skype, i miss you, <3, kiss, bla bla.. He even told me he'll move to Austria, because he cant be without me. And that I'm his soulmate. (All of our friends from work have told me that he is in loved with me no doubt, but I knew he is a player, and that if he loved me he'll leave his girlfriend. It's not love if you cheat, right? and it wasn't just fizical cheat, we were emotionaly like a couple, and I never told him to leave her, and whenever he said something about "us" I was playing hard and told him no. Just not to be hurt. But he also was telling me that we are just friends and we will never be together and he loves his gf. But he was acting so inloved. Whenever he sees me, he keeps hugging and kissing me. There was only one day we didn't see each other, and he was going out of his mind telling me he missses me. ) until one day, I sent him message like every day, and he was like STOP IT! Stop sending me those cute things like we're in relationship. What if my girlfriend sees it? Have you ever think about that??
I WAS SHOCKED. 10000 times he send me sth like "I miss you, honey <3" or "I wanna cuddle." and I told him to stop. (Then he would be kind of mad, and tell me like a joke, "**** this relationship". I never send him anything like that. I just told him that I liked him, and enjoy his company. It's like he forced me to told him I love him.

We texted and see each other every day, for 2-3 months, and now sudenlly, it bothers him. He was the one acting like we were in relationship, not me. And now, he told me not to text him, that i was boring, and lot of rude things. I was hurt (second time) but desperate, like most of people would be, and texted him few times, no respond.
But on wednesday, he sent me a video of his puppy. I was happy he remembered me, but I had to be cold, so I erote only "super". Than, on thursday and friday, he texted me again. i ignored. And then he kept on calling me.

My sis is getting married on June 13, so I'm going back home, and friend of mine told me he keeps on asking when will i come... My question is why is he suddenly so cold? PLaying hard to get? i didn't do nothing. **** friendship when I cannot be what I am. But these messages, and the fact that he's asking about me means something, right? I never been in situation like this. I don't know what to do. I can live without him, but i dont want to. He's the one i tought i can tell everything, and be myself. we had so much fun togetgher and now it's all gone. i'm affraid if i ignore him, i'll lose him. And also if i reply him, he'll ignore me again.
Most will say to forget about him, but I want him to come. (altought he once asked me to invite him to live with me, but i reply him that if he moves to Austria, his gf wil dump him. imagine that you are in relationship for 9 years, and then decide you'll move with your female friend in another country? and he told me "don't worry, i know what i'm doing."

I'm lost. I admit, i would be so happy that he is single, and move with me, I'll go on a Moon with him. But These things never work out fine... Should i contact him or what?

Sorry for long post, haha, I don't have noone to tell this here.

[pcmaster]

From the beginning when I saw how much you wrote I was like fuuuuck sooo long ! But I read it all and it all makes sense, theres not too much information.

So yeah what I think is that what you both had was real at the time but for him it was just a distraction - something fun, new and exciting. You know you were single and for you he was everything but this guy always had this girl at home that he came back to. Lets say his GF is more like his life partner but you was his toy.

Basically first 6 months is like honeymoon and seems like you are over this stage and now seeing the real person. It will take about the year to get to know him really good, without pink glasses on your eyes. Think guy now is showing who he really is and you shouldnt text him first but let him contact you.
You really get to know the person after you break up with him.
I suggest you dont expect anything serious from this guy in future. he might said things like he want to be with you but what he really does is not backing up his words. You cant trust this guy. It was fun and cherish all the good times you had but start moving on too.

Good luck. Maybe this will help you.

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAyZajdTGTU&index=2&list=LLsx6isKCu4vxjq1n sEMHFlA[/url]
youtube.com/watch?v=CAyZajdTGTU&index=2&list=LLsx6isKCu4vxjq1n sEMHFlA

[MrChiLambda]

Yeah, it always naggs at the heart when someone you love is in the room with someone they love more. It can kick your self esteem into the ground. I'm out of it, so whatever details I'm missing, am unsure, however, did you ever thing that what you are feeling is needy? So you've got a tiny addiction, which isn't exactly a life worth being in.

The fact that you both are twisted up in the concept that one needs to dump the others in order for anything to work is probably where the big problem is, and that is interpersonal problems between you and your girlfriend and him and his girlfriend.

Friend Zones are sometimes the best of life. Love can and does manifest from them. I'd shake whatever negative feelings the situation is causing you, and focus on feeling good about yourself.


Yeah, contact them when you feel good. Try to stay away from contacting people when you feel bad. Or be aware of your feelings when you contact and balance.

If it helps, one of my past loves told me that once, and whoa, does it boggle the mind at first, but it put me in my place and is one of the best life lessons I remember.

My name is Bellinda and I'm 27.

See how negative you feel? In some instances that can pull people down.

So, be careful when you call them. People want to be lifted up more often than not.

Or you know what, some people enjoy caring, so. You figure that one out.

[Bellinda]

Thanks for advices. The thing is that we never had fights. Except that time I found out he has a gf. We were having so much fun and really spend some quality time together. Im telling you, its not my imagination, I really feel like hes insecure. I never invited him to Austria. He invited himself. And asked me to invite him. It was all his idea. I dont want to build my happiness on someones sadness. (his breakup) so thats why I never admited him I want him. He was the one telling me he loves me, cannot be without me... But on the other side.. I gave him everything. Youre probably right. He loves my attention which boosts his ego... Dunno. Ill wait. Things will never be the same between us but ill think ill die when i see him. Especially if he maybe did this couse there is some other girl than his gf. 😐 but i kind of got used to it. Haha 'always the bridesmade never the bride' 😆

[pcmaster]

Well you are still young, Bellinda. Your chance will come.

Of course the usual response would be "Guy have a GF he uses you for ego boost, dump him etc." But at this stage its too early to tell who guy really is cause you know each other only few months. Insecure? Maybe, especially if you never responded to his love confessions and never been open with him about what you want like he was with you.

Basically your first mistake was letting him back in after you got to know he have a GF. Know you tried to stay away and good job you did but in the end thats where drama started - dating a guy who have a GF. . Ill stick with my first suggestion that you cant take guy seriously. I think you cant see him exactly like a friend yet and still see potential partner in this guy. Hes not so serious and mature as you think he is at his 24 years of age.

[Bellinda]

True that. But Im still hoping, since he was the one i ever dreamed about. The only guy ive ever met to have it all. All i ever wanted. Except gf. Now Im thinking.. Who knows.. Maybe im just one of many who he hangs out with... Who knows, maybe hes seeing other girls too. I doubt that i was the first he cheated his gf with. But i felt special cause he was the first guy who treated me the way i always wonted. Im kind of enjoying beeing sadly inloved. Maybe all this drama isnt real and its just in my head. 😐 some thing are meant to be. Some not. I hope ill learn my lession. To be honest, i think its over and were never be the way we were...

[Showmesomelove]

I think it sounds like he wants you when he needs you and when he doesn't he isn't interested.
I would enjoy being with him but keep my eyes open for someone more committed.

[Bellinda]

He contacted me yesterday. Telling me that he was ignoring me to "rest a little bit". We were chatting a bit. No questions.. Just him talking about some game he wants, and he sent me few links to check some songs. After I wrote him I'm a bit mad, because of his behavior, he told me he has to go and he is chatting with three girls at the time. Me, his gf and some third one (which I assume is our coulegue who flirts with him and obviously him with her too). I know I dont have right to be mad at him, or ask for anything, we are just friends, but lately we're not that eather. Hislast text was: You know I love you. I said that I dont, and asked if he know that I dont love him, and he told me that I lie. And no means yes. -.-

I just want him to be the friend he was. I admit I am a bit bored here. No one can speak English, and I dont understand German, so literally I work 8 hours and then go home and hang out with my laptop.

How can I make him want me again?