Fallen for a work colleague, what a dic*!

[Wicket55]

I'm new to this forum thing, and urgently need advice and help! I have made the classic "schoolboy" error in falling for a work colleague, and now I just feel stupid, silly and less in control of my feelings towards her.

So, here it goes. I met D roughly a month ago outside the smoking area of my place of work. Did everything right, walked straight up to her confidently, introduced myself and smiled and paid her a compliment. I think I said I thought she was beautiful... Conversation was light and humorous, but there was a definite vibe between us, until her dept. colleague joined us and spoilt my rhythm, and more importantly, any game playing. Still his very presence helped me out, since I know him, and D was laughing at our banter.

Saw her again the following day, and asked her if she was going to my ex-boss' leaving do, said she was, and met her later in the pub. This was where I'm kinda sure she decided to start playing hard to get. Asked her a couple of questions related to her work, and just got two monosyllabic answers, without even looking at me. Admittedly, she was with two of her co-workers talking work related stuff, but still, rather rude and strange. She also abruptly left without even saying goodbye.

Then saw her on the Saturday after, totally unexpected, she only works Monday to Friday. Said she was picking some stuff up, and going to the gym. Basically asked me to go out for a drink with her after, but I was knee deep in work, and I couldn't just leave. Didn't think she was expecting my response to be no, I'm busy at the mo.

Fast forward a week later, and somehow summoned the courage to ask her out to lunch on the Friday week. She agrees, although I thought she was a little awkward about it. Afterwards, I then find out from one of her friends who was trying to help me out, that she has a dreaded boyfriend! I immediately back out of the lunch without telling her, and Friday came and went without any contact from me. I felt guilty since I wasn't sure it was the best thing to do, but there was always the fear that she would back out, after knowing she had a boyfriend.

The day after (Saturday) see her randomly at work again, this time she actually is at work, editing some Dance Crew show! She didn't mention the Friday lunch that I backed out of, or for that matter, anything regarding boys or boyfriends. She just flirted outrageously, and I got the distinct feeling she was looking at me in a very sexual way. Don't ask me why, she just had THAT look on her face! Couldn't even remember what we were talking about, since her body language was so sexual! She then leaves, and up until today I haven't seen her in over a week.

So, seen her briefly today, with a mere hello and complimented on her hair. She seemed normal, smiled and said hello and thanks, and went to eat her breakfast. Basically, this is as slow going as it gets, and I'm worried that I've already blown it with this hottie, with or without a boyfriend. Shall I bother asking her out for a coffee? Or shall I just quit while I still have some dignity? I'm scared she's just gonna say no, and all this flirtation and cuteness will go! Feel strangely gutted about this, since it has always been a weird ambition of mine to have an office romance! Weird, I know, but I just want something positive and sweet would come out from a workplace that is so corporate and stiff! My dept is being made redundant Sept next year, so I just wanna have fun while it lasts! D as a girlfriend would have been the most positive thing to come from this.

Please, any helpful advice would be very welcome,

O.C.

- - - Updated - - -

Please guys, help me me out here, may bump into her again today!

[solarion]

Shall I bother asking her out for a coffee? Or shall I just quit while I still have some dignity?

I'd choose option b and leave her alone, but then I don't share well. It's really going to feel lousy if you ask her out and she rejects you. You could also just continue to enjoy her flirty nature without trying to turn it into a whole thing and risk wrecking the fun.

[Wicket55]

Thanks Solarion, will keep flirting with her instead. It's what I'm best at! The truth is, I don't actually know much about her, other than her job and that she's Russian, and separated. Just getting to know her is a bit of a problem, since I only see her sporadically in the smoking area, and she's cut down her ciggie intake! (which is totally fair enough!) Great, welcome to Friendzone City!

[solarion]

(FZWB)Friendzone with benefits. Subtly flirty hotties at work can be half the fun of going to work. Anyway, who's to say what happens in the next year when your dept becomes extinct, maybe she'll lose BF at some point and it'll turn...not so subtle.

[Wicket55]

Thanks again Solarion, but please don't get my hopes up! LOL

What's really gutting however, is that the boyfriend is very, very recent! I'm pretty sure I heard D and her friend talking about her "date", a couple of days before I introduced myself! Great timing I guess!

[Wakeup]

WTF ever happened to having some common decency not only for this girls boyfriend but for yourself as well? Why would you not have a personal boundary in place that made taken woman zoom completely out of your radar? What are your parents doing instead of teaching you values and boundaries that would protect YOU from being somebody's human dildo.

it has always been a weird ambition of mine to have an office romance!

How about ticking this off your bucket list with someone who is actually free to help you reach your "ambition?"