Normal or Not?

[fty43215]

My girlfriend and I have known each other for more than three years. We've broken up once only to find each other again. We are living together and i am trying to understand if this is normal. From the time she comes home from work until she takes a few moments to prepare food for her kids she is on facebook. She is texting people (guys or gals) and I have no idea who these people are, She won't tell me anything about who she is communicating with on her phone. She takes her phone everywhere she goes, even to take a bath, shower or use the facilities. However, lately she has been leaving her phone in the same room with me for long periods of time in my belief to see if I am snooping because she appears to do something to it and sets it down and walks away only to return later to just pick it up push a button or something and set it back down. Although tempting, I have re-framed from touching her phone. I am jealous because I have no idea if she is having a relationship with someone through social media or texting. I don't believe she would actually have a physical relationship with someone but I could see some guy setting up an arms length relationship with her as he waits for a change in our circumstances. However, I know it takes two people to even get to that point. She doesn't want to be in the same room with me when she is facebooking and texting so I can go hours without even seeing her even though we live under the same roof. She tells me it's normal these days for people to want some "me time" after work but I don't think my description is something that is normal. I've told her if she wants me to leave to just say so, but she won't. Any advise or feedback?

[basilandthyme]

No, not normal. Yes, having 'me time' is important, but it shouldn't be secretive. I wouldn't trust her.

[fty43215]

Thank you for responding. Things got a little uncomfortable last night with my girlfriend because once again after hours of being on her phone in a separate part of the house I went and asked her what does she do on her phone for hours on end. It was nearly midnight, she got defensive and her phone unexpectedly lit up with a text from someone. I asked her if it was a guy, she said no but wouldn't tell me who it was and I didn't leave the room and she texted whoever back and walla the text messages stopped for the rest of the night. Now it would be my opinion that if it was indeed just girlfriends texting each other at midnight, the texting wouldn't have just stopped all of a sudden. Again, thanks for replying..

[megvoh]

Leaves it by you because she locks it? and you can't get on it. Who pays for the internet, or does she do it all on her phone not home computers?

NO is suspicious actions and not normal. Have a talk, she's hiding things from you.

[fty43215]

We both share the bills, however, we have different contracts for our phones. She simply says it's her business and when I ask about who she is talking to she says it's an invasion of her privacy. I don't think it's right to tell someone you love them and at the same time have a part of ones life a secret. I don't live that way. As I've told her, she and anyone else can check my phone or anything else whenever she wants because I'm not hiding anything. I wouldn't want to live that way. She told me that she isn't going to change and she intends to continue to be on her phone for hours on end and do whatever she does on it because it's her right. It's probably time to let this relationship go and move on. It sucks because I do love her but respect for ones feelings has to go both ways.

[basilandthyme]

You're making the right decision. Trust yourself on this.

[lightstar]

Even if shes not doing anything shady (big IF) it still is a shitty relationship to be with someone who basically ignores you most of the time. I agree that couples should be open with their phones and who they are talking to. If you have nothing to hide then why hide it? I would leave

[Lilly328]

Yes, with everyone it is not that normal to be that rediculously secretive. True, respect goes both ways. Go with your gut instinct on this.

[megvoh]

I think you know that is the right choice, fty. A hard choice but she isn't even there with you when there with you, she is talking with others.
Find someone who loves your company and won't be so secretive with you.