Approaching girlfriend for more quality time - Men and Women advise please

[HappyMan991]

Hello everyone

This is my first post on this wonderful forum!

Some background info : I'm 24, from Midwest USA. I met my girlfriend, 23, 2 months ago and it was an instant connection. We have been exclusive right off the bat, share a lot of common ground, outlook in life... We have discussed and shared our future plans at length, such is the strength of connection! We have great mental and physical chemistry as well. Long term suitability is what we both wanted and it's so far so good!

However I have a slight sticky issue which I'd love to get advise on :

A week or so after we started dating, I introduced her to my male friends. They are all similar to me - down to earth, goofy, but genuinely nice guys. She liked them, but she told me she wouldn't want to hang out too often with them and I was fine with that.

On that day, I introduced my girlfriend to a girl, a friend of one of my guy friends. This girl, 24 years old can be best described as : Party animal, loves living on the edge, casual dating, hooking up etc.
This is the exact OPPOSITE to my girlfriend's nature.
This girl and my girlfriend have grown to become best friends. This girl literally pushes my girlfriend to hang out with her like how a jealous significant other would, asking why my GF spends 3 or 4 weekday nights with me etc. etc.
. Alcohol is almost always involved when they hang out and my girlfriend is hungover the next day. They spend the entire weekend together and it takes away any plans I want to make with my girlfriend.
I get to spend weekday nights with my girlfriend only.

Do you all think this is something that needs to be addressed ASAP before it becomes a full blown issue? I keep very calm all the time, but I'm feeling very uneasy at this pattern and its bothering me.

I'm someone who can express positive feelings very easy, but I find it difficult to bring out my concerns in a relationship.

Please feel free to shoot me questions on any details i might have missed.

Thanks

[TheEvilJester]

On the surface, as long as nothing inappropriate is going on, there's nothing wrong with her having a friend. As long as you know you can trust her not to cheat or anything like that, you needn't worry.

.... However, that said, if it bothers you, that doesn't make you wrong. You can't help how you feel. I can tell you, it would certainly bother me too if it seemed like, by default, my girlfriend (you know, if I had one) was never available to do anything with ME on the weekend because she always just went ahead and made plans with friends without even talking to me.

It's not that your girlfriend should be your "property," so to speak. That's not my point AT ALL, nor do I get the impression it is yours. It is perfectly okay if she wants to do something like this from time to time..... but you should still feel as though you come first. You shouldn't feel like you can never make plans with your own girlfriend because, before you even get the chance, she makes plans with this friend.

That said, she's probably not doing it intending to hurt you, and is probably honestly not even aware it does. So, I wouldn't suggest you discuss it with her in any heated fashion, or come at it as though you are accusing her of any wrongdoing. I'd just be honest with her. Just something along the lines of "Listen, I love that you have friends you enjoy. It is great for you to be able to get out sometimes. It's just, when we never get to do anything on the weekends because you always seem to have plans with friends, it starts to make me feel like a lesser priority. Believe me, I know that is not your intention at all, but I can't help the way I feel. I want to be able to go out with you and do fun things, so I'd just love it if sometimes we could make plans first."

I think you definitely have every right to feel the way you do. I think, chances are that she isn't doing it intentionally or without any regard for your feelings. She probably just hasn't stopped to think that what she's doing isn't fair to you. Of course, it is possible I'm wrong and that she doesn't give a crap and just wants to selfishly do whatever she wants.... but if that is the case then you deserve better anyway. So, for now, just take the high road and assume she just doesn't realize it upsets you.

Good luck. Hopefully it will work out well for you. If it doesn't, then you frankly deserve better anyway, but chances are she'll probably understand and work with you to make it work for you both.

[melancholia]

First of all, your GF's friend doesn't decide what your girlfriend does, she decides what she does. Clearly she found something in this friend that she likes, and it's a good thing for her to go and blow of steam with friends. Just because this other girl is a party animal and casual dater doesn't mean your girlfriend is exactly the same. They probably have a lot more in common than you think. Since you can't tell her who she can, and can't be friends with, you should address the issue of the lack of quality time you have together. How often do you see your girlfriend? 2-3 times a week? Is that not enough time for you to feel secure in your connection together? If it's not, you need to bring it up to your girlfriend to let her know how you are feeling. Bring it up at a neutral time, use "I feel" statements, and non-confrontational language that doesn't come across as judgmental or critical of her. Don't even mention the friend. Talk about how you would like to spend more quality time together with her because you enjoy feeling close to her, and that being together and sharing quality time is something you enjoy about your relationship. Tell her how you feel and what you need, and then ask her how she feels and what she needs from you. Then go from there.