Do I try to continue this?

[AlphaOmega]

Alright before I dive into the actual problem, let me give you a little background so you know what you're dealing with. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20 (about half a year ago). I had a few shots in high school, but couldn't get it up enough when the time came. I struggle with anxiety, and I believe this was the problem (they were definitely hot); of course this also made my anxiety worse and I got a little depressed. All of my friends know what happened to me in high school. When I finally did lose it to a girl I dated for about a month, I ended the relationship before I got enough experience to really be confident (I still never last more than a minute on the first run, haven't tried many positions, and usually need nearly an hour for round 2 if it happens). Half a year later and I find myself in what seems to be an awkward FWB/maybe more? type situation with this girl. The first 5 or so times we'd hangout, we'd dance at the club, make out, and cuddle and sleep together. Probably could have taken it farther, but I'm a stereotypical "nice guy" and didn't want push it. When we finally did take it farther, it didn't go well. The first two times we got naked together, I got all the way to putting the condom on and trying to put it in, but she had hardly been touching me down there and the same thing that happened in high school happened. I tried not to show it, but it really got to me. Since she was still willing to hang with me, it kind of comforted me and on the third try it worked; though I probably lasted like 30 seconds(this wasn't so much of a problem with my first partner because I'd go down on her and it'd be fine, but my friend who knows this new girl well says she doesn't enjoy getting or giving oral). The next time, I tried to initiate again, but she didn't really seem into it so I stopped. Then a few days after that, I overheard my friend talking to this gay guy after coming home from the bars(it was like 3am and I was in bed, but not asleep). My friend told this guy that the girl I was with was saying that I don't last long, struggle to get it up, and that I'm small (I've always been worried about my size too, since I'm a pretty tall dude who's got about 5"). But it gets worse, my friend and this guy had obviously been drinking and were saying the most hurtful things imaginable because they didn't think I could hear them. For example, they were debating if I was gay or not because I couldn't get it up just like in the past, or that she should cave and give me oral and start gagging so that I feel like I'm big. My friend and I are terrible people who joke about the most inappropriate things, so I don't really hold it against him for what he said. At the same time, I don't think I've ever been more hurt. The thing is I really don't think she's trying to be mean, my friend is a player and I'm assuming the second he found out we did it, he immediately went to ask her and her friends what she had to say because that's just the way he is. Regardless, now I know what she really thinks of me even if she never meant for me to find out. She's been snap-chatting me for the past two weeks, and I haven't been responding. She doesn't know I know what she said. What do I do? I had pretty much already ruled out seriously dating this girl for other reasons, but she's still good-looking and I don't want to throw away a chance at more sexual experience. Basically, I'm just fed up with whole feeling inadequate with women thing, thus I want more experience but not an experience that's only going to continually make things worse. Do I continue ignoring her? Is there anything I can say that's not going to make me sound like whiny little loser?

[Jlovebird]

There are patient, trustworthy women out there that would love to make your experience more pleasurable. Do not fixate on one woman that you don't even want to date, and that can't appreciate you or respect you enough to be understanding and hold some integrity. Get out there, and maybe drink a little to ease your anxiety before trying to pick up a girl. I think you maybe need to initiate more in bed. Put her hand on it. My boyfriend does that, and he's lost it once or twice because of his anxiety. Mind over matter sometimes can mess things up. Let go of all thoughts accept the beautiful woman that is about to give herself to you. It is okay that you may need a little more foreplay! Never be ashamed! Embrace your body and life, and the confidence for sex will follow. Don't worry, the right girl will come along and she will understand. My boyfriend's libido is waaay higher than mine, and sometimes I have trouble getting wet for him, so I guess I understand the opposite side also. All it takes is confidence, and making sure you have an understanding and respectful partner.

[lilydaisy]

Maybe just try to not be so focussed on the sex but on the relationship. Intimacy is more than sex - it's really getting to know a person (sexual anxiety is an indicator that perhaps you're not really connected to someone). A real woman who cares for you will be patient and sensitive when it's time for physical intimacy. There are other ways to pleasure a women than intercourse and oral sex as well (there's a lot of info about that out there). Good communication and perhaps coming a little out of your comfort zone will do wonders.

[melancholia]

Oh wow, I am so sorry to hear about what you heard from those people. Look, the other posters here are right when they say there are women out there who are much more patient about sex stuff. Most guys don't last long on their first couple tries, because you've literally been waiting all your life for that one moment, and there's no way to know what it's like until you've done it. You will get better though, you just need more practice. I agree that placing so much emphasis on sex early in a relationship might be tripping you up a bit. That, coupled with your previous shi.tty experiences can't make it easy for you to let your guard down when it comes to getting naked with someone. Having said that, if you want to have FWB relations in order to gain more sexual experience, that might be a good idea. As long as you make your expectations known ahead of time, then sometimes that can work well for some people. If you aren't really into casual dating and you'd prefer to sleep with someone you're exclusive with, then look for people who will be respectful of your feelings, and about the fact that you're less experienced. We all start from the same place when we first start having sex, and how are we supposed to know what it's like until we start doing it? Porn gives extremely unrealistic views of what sex is like, it's not real sex that you see in those videos; but most women aren't looking for a porn star lover, they are looking for someone normal who is considerate and kind, which it sounds like you are.

I totally understand where you're coming from about your body issues. We all have things we like and don't like about our bodies and we all have areas where we feel inadequate. I don't think you should worry too much about that, though. More often than not, women don't care as much about size as they do about confidence in what you can do with what you have. I know you are nervous about sex because you lack experience, but if you're too stressed out about the logistics of it to have any fun, then how can you expect to enjoy yourself? I think you need to try and relax a bit, and try not to worry so much about your body and what you "lack", because I am sure you have a lot of great qualities that any woman would be lucky to find in a partner.

I think you should give up on that chick though. Even if she didn't intend to hurt your feelings with what she said, she still gave details about your body and your time together that should have only been kept between you two. If you had gone off and given details about her body and what she did, or didn't do, how would that make her feel? Pretty shi.tty I expect, and for her to say anything negative about you is just plain rude. There are plenty of women out there who value much more important things in a potential partner than what size his dick is, or how experienced he is. You just need to try and be a little more patient. Meeting the right person will make a huge difference, and I hope you find someone special who makes you feel fantastic.