Talking to ex gf again. Having mixed feelings.

[username101]

hey guys. Really need some help here. Its hell in my head. Met my ex gf in college, we fell in love and had a great relationship. were together for over 2 years but things got really difficult after school, we couldnt see each other much and it was just hard for us and she broke up with me 8 months after school ended.

When we were together things were great, we got along really well, talked all the time and became so close we were best friends and loved each other alot. Those two years we were together were the best years of our lives and it just sucked that it had to end.

After we broke up we never really talked much. we broke up last year around this time. And she messaged me last month and we have been talking on and off ever since.

she talks hot and cold sometimes, and we talked over the phone a few times but not in a few days.
Honestly speaking i still have feelings for her, she meant alot to me and i loved her alot, we were extremely close and it was hard when things ended.

when we talk we reminisce alot, says she misses how things use to be, how she wish she could go back to those times we had and stuff and told a friend of mine she missed me also. We've been talking for about a month now. Never talked about reconciliation.

we never really went out when we were together because we never really could of because of her parents and stuff, so we spend every day together in school. we enjoyed spending time together and talking and i do miss her. we had a really strong bond and were always there for each other, that made us more close.

i asked her out but she says when shes ready, i wasnt really dissapointed because like i said we never really went out. she says she'll come by sometime because she also has some things to drop for me.

I want to tell her how i feel. id like to tell her i still think about her everyday, and the time i had with her were the best and happiest times of my life, i never felt that way before in my life i only felt that way when i was with her. and now that some times gone by i knew what we had and it was the best thing i ever had and if we could do it again, i would like to.

Is easier now because we are talking again and im just not sure when to tell her.

do i tell her soon or after she visits me, im not too sure when she'll come by. My heads going crazy with thoughts. If i could try again with her id love that because the times we had were the best and happiest times of my life.

So what do i say guys?
and when do i say it?

[TheEvilJester]

This may just be me, so I hope others chime in with their thoughts....

However, I don't think you should necessarily tell her all that. If anything, I would just keep it very simple. Maybe say how it stinks how things had to end between you two and that part of you always thought you could have had something. That you'd like to try once more if she is interested. I wouldn't necessarily say you go full out and confess your feelings for her. Maybe she's moved on and no longer feels the same way. Maybe that would only scare her off. Again, though, that may just be me.

As it is, I NORMALLY say your ex is your ex for a reason and it is RARELY a good idea to get back together with an ex. The thing is, unless there is more to the story you didn't share, it kind of sounds like it was really just distance/a lack of ability to get together that ended things. Unless there are further details you chose not to/didn't want to share, it doesn't sound like there was really any major problems, it was just more that you two couldn't be together enough to feel like you could have the relationship you both wanted and deserved.

So, in that case, if the distance and/or lack of time/availability is no longer a problem, then there very well could be a good chance of things working now. On the other hand, though, if there WERE other solid reasons/problems that caused you two to break up that weren't just related to distance/unavailability/etc., then I wouldn't recommend trying again unless those things have changed.

Assuming that it was just circumstantial stuff that caused the end of your relationship.... I would say the answer to your when is honestly just whenever it feels right to you. For now, she told you she's not ready for that right now. So, just respect that and give her some time.

That said, do not make the mistake of letting "some time" become "forever." At some point, she does need to decide if she wants to give it another shot or not. Giving her some time could be okay if it would honestly make you feel better leaving the chance open.... but don't wait around forever. Honestly, I'd sort of guess that if she wanted to give you two another shot, she would rather than keeping you waiting by saying "when I'm ready." But, that doesn't automatically mean my concerns are right. She may just not want to rush things and potentially ruin the chance you two COULD have if you wait until the time feels right to you both.

I'm just saying.... whether or not she claims to want to work towards that, don't wait around forever. Good luck to you.

[username101]

This may just be me, so I hope others chime in with their thoughts....

However, I don't think you should necessarily tell her all that. If anything, I would just keep it very simple. Maybe say how it stinks how things had to end between you two and that part of you always thought you could have had something. That you'd like to try once more if she is interested. I wouldn't necessarily say you go full out and confess your feelings for her. Maybe she's moved on and no longer feels the same way. Maybe that would only scare her off. Again, though, that may just be me.

As it is, I NORMALLY say your ex is your ex for a reason and it is RARELY a good idea to get back together with an ex. The thing is, unless there is more to the story you didn't share, it kind of sounds like it was really just distance/a lack of ability to get together that ended things. Unless there are further details you chose not to/didn't want to share, it doesn't sound like there was really any major problems, it was just more that you two couldn't be together enough to feel like you could have the relationship you both wanted and deserved.

So, in that case, if the distance and/or lack of time/availability is no longer a problem, then there very well could be a good chance of things working now. On the other hand, though, if there WERE other solid reasons/problems that caused you two to break up that weren't just related to distance/unavailability/etc., then I wouldn't recommend trying again unless those things have changed.

Assuming that it was just circumstantial stuff that caused the end of your relationship.... I would say the answer to your when is honestly just whenever it feels right to you. For now, she told you she's not ready for that right now. So, just respect that and give her some time.

That said, do not make the mistake of letting "some time" become "forever." At some point, she does need to decide if she wants to give it another shot or not. Giving her some time could be okay if it would honestly make you feel better leaving the chance open.... but don't wait around forever. Honestly, I'd sort of guess that if she wanted to give you two another shot, she would rather than keeping you waiting by saying "when I'm ready." But, that doesn't automatically mean my concerns are right. She may just not want to rush things and potentially ruin the chance you two COULD have if you wait until the time feels right to you both.

I'm just saying.... whether or not she claims to want to work towards that, don't wait around forever. Good luck to you.

Hey thank you for the reply.

That was really the major problem, we grew apart because we couldnt see each other much, we tried but it was complicated and difficult. Then the relationship just collapsed because it became like a ldr. and that just was too much for us especially since we were so young.

Other than that everything was fine we never had any major problems.

She will be returning to university in september so i guess im gonna have to ask her what she wants before that maybe mid august or something. Its already been a year we broke up and though we have only been talking for a month now i dont want to be in the friendzone or an option. So im hoping to ask her what she feels or wants by the next month and take it from there.

Either we try again or i close that door for good.

[TheEvilJester]

When she goes back to university in September, does that once again cause the distance problem? I only ask because if long distance and the inability to see each other as often as you liked broke you two up before, then chances are it isn't a good idea to try again until that is no longer a problem.

From what you say, that was really the only problem, as you two were otherwise great together. Sometimes, though, distance and/or a lack of availability can be enough to deem a relationship not quite right.... or at least not quite right at that point in time. So, you two did the right thing by ending it since you couldn't commit the time it takes to have a relationship.

If the distance/lack of availability has changed, then it could be worth another try since you two otherwise seemed to hit it off so well. Either way, though, I think you have the right idea here. If you do want to pursue the possibility, then plan to discuss that with her before September. When it comes right down to it, if you want to be more than friends and she does not, then it would really be best for you to just move on. It sounds like that is exactly your mindset as well, so good for you.

Sometimes it can be hard not to want something/somebody even when it just doesn't work out for whatever reason. It can be hard not to get yourself stuck in a rut being closed to the possibility of finding love anywhere else because you become stuck on something that isn't going to happen. So, I think you definitely have the right attitude here. Give it one last shot, but if she is not interested, or even refuses to commit to a yes or no but instead just continues to string you along, that is time for you to just move on.

Good luck to you!

[username101]

No it wouldn't be a problem. She lives close by and also university is maybe 2 hrs away or less. So distance isn't a problem anymore we can have a better relationship if she chooses.

Only thing I have no idea what she wants. She moves hot and cold, interested then not interested. Sometimes i wonder if shes waiting for me to say something, really difficult to decode her actions.

We couldve hang out the other night but i wasnt around it was kindve a last minuite thing. So next time we"ll hang out. See how it goess.

For now ill see how the convos go and if nothing develops well like you put it i will move on.

So end of august the cats out the bag. Ill come out and ask her if shes interested..

Im hoping things go my way
If it doesn't well that's ok.

Thanks for all the advice man. Appreciate it

[TheEvilJester]

Sounds like a plan, friend. I will just say this.... definitely proceed, but do proceed with caution. In other words, I don't necessarily like her whole "hot and cold" act that you describe. Me personally, that seems like a bit of a red flag. Even so, there is the possibility that she's only doing that because she feels uncertain as to what are your intentions and sort of reluctant to commit to a decision for fear that maybe you wouldn't feel the same way. She could be waiting for you to make the first move to show your interest. I mean, I think it seems you've made it pretty clear even if you didn't come right out and say it, but maybe she's just concerned.

The only way to really know is to give it a shot. So, when you feel the time is right (and honestly, just about any time is right, so don't wait for some magical sign or anything) just ask her. Honestly, even if she's not interested, it would be so much better to know than to be left wondering "what if?" Not to mention, if it actually DOES work out, wouldn't you be kicking yourself for even considering not giving it a try? ;-)

Good luck. I hope it works out for you, but if not just remember that it is her loss. You will eventually find somebody who will be a great match for you. Maybe it will end up being her, but if not that just means somebody else is out there still looking for you.