Need Advice on confusing situation

[markmark2k9]

Hi everybody, I'm a lurker here but created an account because I have a question and can't figure out what the hell is going on. There is a girl from my work who is or was very into me and things have changed it feels like but not sure why. Here is the background, we work together and met about 2 months ago. She was very into me from the beginning, she would always try to hang out and see me outside of work but I would always have some excuse ready because at my work I'm not allowed to see anybody outside of work or have a relationship with (I'm a manager and she's one of the employees but I'm not her direct manager or supervisor). She was always very attractive to me and I do like her personality, that coupled with her strong pursuit of me eventually made me change my mind and I saw her outside of work. She came over and we didn't do much else other then just cuddle and make out but I was fine with that since I wanted to take things slow anyway due to the nature of our work relationship. She came over again the next day and same thing, we hung out and made out a little but she ended up leaving after like 30 minutes with a excuse of her friend being in trouble and needing her (she did show me the text so I do believe her). I had the next couple days off so I didn't see her and next time we both worked we were supposed to hang out after work, work ends and she says sorry but her friend needs her again and she can't hang out. Her best friend is going through a tough time so I'm like ok go hang out with your friend and be there for her, I like you and I'm not going anywhere, we have plenty of time, she seemed happy with that response and we even hung out after work in my car for a few minutes making out and feeling each other up before she went to hang with her friend. Whenever we work together she always wants to go in secluded spots and make out or talk but whenever I try to see her outside of work it never happens. I finally told her I want to take her out on a date, we vaguely scheduled something unspecific for today, yesterday when I texted her to confirm we're still on and to make more concrete plans she never answered so I assume she's ditching me again and we're not going out today. I need somebodies advice as to what's going on and what does she want from me, why did she pursue me so hard and always makes out and gets close to me at work but doesn't want to see me outside of work. I don't want just a make out buddy to pass the time at work, sure it's fun but I do kind of like this girl and wanted to date and pursue something with her and I don't understand why she pursued me so hard at first if she doesn't want anything romantic from me. I have thought that maybe she just wants a physical friend and not a boyfriend but I don't think that's the case either because we have hung out twice at my place without sex and I was open to it but not pushy about it. But if she doesn't want just sex or a relationship what the hell does she want and why is she still pulling me to the side at work to make out with me if she has no interest in either a physical FWB relationship or an actual relationship with me. There is also a slight age gap between us, she's 19 and I'm 24 so that might be an issue but frankly I don't think so because we have talked about it and she said she's ok with it. Thanks in advance for your responses and for taking the time to read this, I look forward to getting some more insight into this situation.

[TheEvilJester]

To be honest, I don't think any of us could really speculate any further than you have. It could very well be possible that she just wants a friends with benefits type situation. I mean, I do agree with you that is seems weird she's pursue you so hard if that was all she wanted.... but maybe she is just the type who knows what she wants and isn't shy about trying to get it.

Honestly, I'm not really sure how you would be able to know unless you just keep trying and seeing how things go. You posted this yesterday saying you had date plans that very night. Did they wind up happening, or did she flake out on you? If her flaking out on you becomes a pattern, then I think that is a good sign she isn't taking it seriously. And, honestly, there is nothing wrong with that if she isn't.... as long as you are also on the same page. Since it sounds like you are not, if she's not looking for a serious relationship, then perhaps you two are not the right match.

IF she only gives you further and further evidence that she isn't taking it as seriously as you are, then maybe a last minute effort would be to talk to her about it. Just to tell her what you are looking for in a relationship and that, you really mean no hard feelings, but if that isn't the same as what she wants, it would just be best for you both to move on.

It isn't wrong of you to want something more serious.... but it also isn't wrong of her if she does not. The same would be true if it were the other way around. What WOULD be wrong would be for one of you to lead the other on in believing you want the same thing when you do not. So, if it seems like she isn't after the same thing you are, then maybe you talk to her about it, and maybe you make the decision to end things if it just does not seem you are on the same page.

But, at least for the time being, why not give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she is being honest? Sometimes life does get in the way, so maybe she sincerely DOES have a friend going through some crap right now. Or, maybe it IS just a bogus excuse. Time will tell either way.

Good luck to you.