Partner in love with someone else

[Mr 33]

Hi, me and my partner have been together for 8 years, we have 3 beautifull children together. Are relationship is far from perfect and we have had lots of ups and downs. The first seven years despite our problems i never had any reason to question her trust. It started of with simple changes. The way she dressed just sit in the gardern, the amount of time spent on her phone, going out drinking and not coming home till next morning. Let me say at this point i dont think she has cheated and the person she is in love with is our neighbour. She came home drunk one night and passed out on the sofa, her phone kept going of, so i checked it (innocently) she had been texting our neighbour all night, nothing dirty just chat, i know its wrong but i scrolled back through her messages and noited she does it everytime she is drunk. I didnt say anything but kept checking her phone when she came back drunk, about 4 months ago when drunk she text him saying how much she fancied him, he didnt reply, i checked her browser history and she had been googling things like i want to shag my neighbour, how do i get my neighbour to want me etc , i asked her she atmited it but said it was just crush, she said she wouldn't text him again, i said ok but still checked her phone, same again next time she went out texting him all night, and again and again kept quiet again and then i looked at her browser history last week and now she is searching things like i am in love with another man, i love someone else ect. Knowing she fancied the neighbour was hard anough( i see him everyday) i was paranoid about going out and leaving her at home alone, everytime i came home she was out in the gardern talking to him, looking at him when she thought i hadent noticed and things have got worse, she leaves to go down the shop at the times he us walking to and from work, poping in the pub for a drink if she knows he is out, going out with sexy low cut tops on under her other top if she knows he is out in the pub(thinks i havent noited, i do the washing) she seems to be obsessed with him any excuse just to talk to him to see him she has even swapped bedrooms with the kids( more light she said) now we can see his bedroom window things have changed now it's one thing to fancy someone but she is in love with him, i dont know what to do i love her we are a family but i cant carry on knowing the feelings she has.

[JustAGuy123]

Actually there isn't much you can do...

Now TOGETHER? There's alot to do. You need to start looking at yourself and figuring out reasons why she would fancy the neighbor. Is she becoming bored? Is she curious? You need to find out. Then you need to figure out WITH HER whether she wants the marriage or not. Tell her where you stand on the issue and realize whether you two need counseling or not.

I'm not a person into open relationships or things like that. If my girlfriend was fancying another man and not respecting me then it'd be a deal breaker. Either she has to overcome her emotions and desires or things need to change drastically.

First talk to her and see where the marriage stands. Understand her reasoning behind it. Then bring out the compromises. Figure out what YOU need to do to make HER more interested in YOU again. To get her eyes back to you. If she doesn't understand that what she is doing could lead to more and could lead to a divorce then you need to make her understand.

Its a marriage. You two need to work together. If she isn't willing to do that then its not a marriage...its a disaster waiting to happen.

[Greatta]

You need to be a better competitor. It would be nice to get jealous of your partner.