Am I wrong with how I feel?

[lm0905]

Just to preface, I love my boyfriend. He's amazing, really... But sometimes I feel like he is such an airhead and doesn't think before he acts. This summer, him and I are going to Europe (I get to meet his grandparents, so it's kind of a big trip).
We dated back for a year and a half between 2011 and 2013, and have recently gotten back together (our relationship is more solid, mature, and just all-around better)

This trip to Europe has been a long time coming and I am really looking forward to it.. Except I am now not happy. He hung out with his cousins today and called me when he was done. When we were on the phone, he let me know that he passively invited his 16 year old cousin to Europe in August because she’s never been… Without even asking me or talking to me about it. He said it’s only like a 10% chance of her actually going, but why would he assume I would be ok with it? Why would I want a 16 year old with us the entire time? Why is it my fault that she has never been before?? Her parents are rich, they can take her another time.

This trip is for us and I really don't want to feel like there's a third wheel with us the entire time...

I am probably seeing him tonight so I need some help calming down before I flip out and an argument is started.

Any advice on how to proceed?

[ccbears6]

Tell him exactly that! That it would mean so much to you if it was just you and him together. Tell him you'd feel much more comfortable. If he truly loves you, he will understand

[shrah25]

I think it's really important here to be completely honest with him but its all about how you communicate it with him. If it feels like a criticism to him, he's going to resist it. Not to say he wont listen and adhere to your wishes, but it will push his buttons. However, if you honour him for his thoughtful nature but state that it's really important to share that quality time with just him, then he's most likely going to respond in an extremely positive manner.

Hope that helps.

Thanks

[pcmaster]

Relax there is only 10% chance.

[Hooo!]

he can tell his cusin: sorry but my girlfriend wants us to take the trip alone, so she cant come.

i dont see the problem.

- - - Updated - - -

he can tell his cusin: sorry but my girlfriend wants us to take the trip alone, so she cant come.

i dont see the problem.

i thought your relationship was mature? so go talk about it?

[TheEvilJester]

To answer the question you posted in the subject...

No, you are not wrong to feel this way. I definitely agree with you. This trip was a big deal for you two. He should not have been inviting ANYBODY to join without at least checking with you first. It's not like he has to answer to you or anything like that, but this is a trip you two were planning to take together, as a couple no less. He should have run this by you before just inviting somebody else. A child, even. Sure, she's 16, but that's still a child, albeit a teen.

However,

I would venture to guess he probably didn't mean to upset you. He probably didn't do it thinking he didn't care whether you approved or not.... he probably did it just bone-headedly not even thinking of the fact that maybe you'd mind. So, as others have said, I wouldn't be too hard on him about it..... but that doesn't mean you also have to just accept it and be okay with it.

I think shrah made a really good point. Share with him that you think it is awesome he is so considerate and giving, that you love that about him.... but that this was a trip you were looking forward to taking just the two of you. That you would have also liked it if he had thought to ask you about it first. It isn't automatically rude to stand up for yourself. It is great to be a nice person... but don't be nice to a fault.

I wouldn't even bother to get into any great detail when you discuss it with him. In other words, no need to even bother with things like pointing out that his cousin could easily go with her parents sometime, that it isn't like there is no way she could ever go if he didn't take her. That is true.... but it isn't really the point. Even if there was no other way she could ever go.... it is still not his responsibility to take her.... and he still should have asked you first since this was supposed to be a trip for you two.

So, again, I would talk to him about it, but I wouldn't go into great detail about it. Hopefully he'll understand and see why he should have talked to you first. Good luck to you!