am i the father?? woman perspective

[ray7491]

Hi - so i need a woman's point of view. A girl I have been casually seeing has told me she is pregnant. she sent me the report and a sonogram of the baby at 10 weeks pregnant. The report gives a due date of April 10, 2017.

She has said she was with another guy and has asked me to do a DNA test. We has sex on July 15th and 16th with some equipment failure on July 16th.

she asked me to take the DNA test but i cannot travel to her until November as we do not live in same city. she says she is worried about who the father is but is willing to wait until i can travel to her to take DNA test.

So as a woman, would you ask the guy you think is the father to take the DNA test? or ask guy that is least likely? Because it does not seam that she has asked the other guy to take DNA test and i would think it is easier for other guy as we don't live in same city. Would you send the sonogram to a guy if you did not think he was father?

[lovebroken]

Maybe she asked all she thinks could be? Do you think it could be you? Do you need to pay for a DNA test? Or is she paying since asking for you to take it for her to know who is the father?

Could you call her doctor and ask questions?

[ray7491]

Maybe she asked all she thinks could be? Do you think it could be you? Do you need to pay for a DNA test? Or is she paying since asking for you to take it for her to know who is the father?

Could you call her doctor and ask questions?

It is possible for me to be father, the dates work out for it to be me. but she could of been with someone else the night i left. Yes, i will pay for test. It is not a big thing for me. No, i don't think her doctor would tell me anything. She sent me the report from the doctor and the sonogram. She said she doesn't believe it is me and would understand if i did not want contact with her, but her actions seams to tell me that she thinks it is me.

[melancholia]

I would absolutely ask the men I've slept with to take a DNA test if I wasn't certain who the father was. If the test has to wait until you can travel there, then so be it. November isn't that far away at this point and it's so very important to take this test to be sure of what the next step is. There's a 50/50 chance that you are the father of this baby, so the sooner you find out for sure, the better.

[ray7491]

I would absolutely ask the men I've slept with to take a DNA test if I wasn't certain who the father was. If the test has to wait until you can travel there, then so be it. November isn't that far away at this point and it's so very important to take this test to be sure of what the next step is. There's a 50/50 chance that you are the father of this baby, so the sooner you find out for sure, the better.

Yes, but my question is "Which man would you ask"? To my logical male mind, i would ask the most convenient man, to get the answer the quickest. but i am thinking a woman is going to wait a month to have the man that she thinks is going to be the father. Would you wait more than a month for a guy you didn't think was the father? What if it was a 50/50 chance? would you wait? Would you wait a month and walk into doctors office with a guy you didn't think was father?

[melancholia]

I would be asking any man I'd slept with prior to the positive pregnancy test. She's doing the responsible thing by asking for a DNA test by all the men she's slept with. Maybe at this point she has ruled out the other men, and you're the last one left to take a DNA test. Or maybe she is hoping you are the father and that's why she's willing to wait. Why don't you ask her?

[ray7491]

As far as i know, she is not asking "all the men". she said there was one other. But she seams to be only asking me to take DNA test. Granted there could be many lies or "untruths" in everything she has said. But in taking everything as true for what it is.

I already booked the flight and said when i would be there. but when i did that, the math did not add up. I have since redid the math and it adds up. she seams pretty stressed and i don't want to worry her more or seam like a crazy guy and berate her with a bunch of questions when i''m going to go and take test anyway. I'm pretty sure she was expecting me to bolt and never speak to her again. I'm just trying to figure out what i should be expecting. And like i said before, she already said; "she didn't believe i was the father." the things she has told me and her actions and the conception dates just don't seam to all add up.

- - - Updated - - -

I would be asking any man I'd slept with prior to the positive pregnancy test. She's doing the responsible thing by asking for a DNA test by all the men she's slept with. Maybe at this point she has ruled out the other men, and you're the last one left to take a DNA test. Or maybe she is hoping you are the father and that's why she's willing to wait. Why don't you ask her?

reply below

[melancholia]

Well, only one of two things can happen: 1) you are the father, or 2) you're not the father. Maybe it's between only you and one other guy, so if you are the one taking the test, it eliminates the need for the second man to take the test. Because either you are the father or he is; however, there is no way to know 100% how many men are in question. This isn't a judgment on the woman, it's simply a reality of what could be possible. From what you've said here and in previous posts, it sounds like she hopes you are the father, and that's why she's asking you, even though you live far away.

If you have already agreed to take the DNA test and you've booked your flight, then you simply need to wait for the test and see what happens. That can cause anxiety for anyone because having to wait for the results of a potentially life-changing situation is not fun for anybody. At the same time, she is probably riddled with anxiety over this situation more than you are. It's wise to be there for her in a way you are capable of, but on her terms. Talk to her about what her expectations and needs are, and hope for the best result out of this not-so-great scenario.