26 and never had a boyfriend

[IndiReloaded]

I've received swats of enlightenment from Buddha himself. I am prepared for everything. I feel no pain. I have no desire. Whip me, master.

BDSM. Now we're talking..

[Tedel]

guys, a lot of these things really don't explain it.

If I was to only go after unavailable men, I could surely still squeeze at least one boyfriend out of that before I was, what, 26? All these things.. not being feminine enough, not being entirely sure that you're hetero, being too forward, intimidating men.. etc.. these are all valid reasons for why someone would feel dissatisfied with their relationships, but I don't think they explain the complete absence of any semblance of a proper relationship!

ugly people date. Damaged people date. Heck. Mentally retarded people date. Being a little to intimidating is not enough of a hurdle to explain this.

Tiay, that's right, even ugly people date, but one of the base things to be 'dateable' to the world is to stand out from the multitude in a positive, attractive way. As I see it, and from this description only, the way in which our friend stands out is not very positive. There why guys don't like the idea of trying to hit on her.

See it this way, I'm a man and as such, I could **** all night long with Shakira for sure... but for sport/fun. For a relationship, things are different, we usually like our girls to have brain and soul, not just big ( .)( .) and a nice ( y ).

[lastwish]

But, for most of us direct interest, especially failure to read signs and social circumstances can be a turn off. You start to wonder why are they being so direct? Are they promiscuous, are they this direct with everyone? Do they have problems finding or keeping a partner? Do they have some yet unknown problems? Are they undesirable on some level? All those thoughts make you feel weary, awkward and uncomfortable. I believe a level of comfort needs to be reached and maintained before interest can subtley be let out.

And i thought being direct is sexy. Man...i don't know who to believe now..Grkscorp or Mishanya.

[Illusional]

dammit i feel as though i'm cursed. why oh why do i have to be the only sexy person on this forum??

raverboy

[1averagejoe]

If you don't feel comfortable putting your picture up here because of pervs or whatever. Maybe you could just private message one of the female members here for advice? I completely understand why you don't feel comfortable about posting a picture...I didn't either not that long ago when I was asking for advice. I just posted it for like a day or two then deleted it.

[Tiay]

See it this way, I'm a man and as such, I could **** all night long with Shakira for sure... but for sport/fun. For a relationship, things are different, we usually like our girls to have brain and soul, not just big ( .)( .) and a nice ( y ).

that's 'cos you're a quality guy. But that'd mean that she'd at least have had some flirty flings with shallow guys! But nothing. I don't see how your theory explains that.

[Tedel]

I think that Hypatia will get a boyfriend as soon as she makes up her mind to open herself to new circles of friends and new activities away from musical rehearsals. My point is that she may be behaving too seriously, and men around her may not like to flirt with a girl who is seen as 'one of the guys'.

Her issue with lack of femininity (if any, I am just speculating about it) may be solved just by hanging out with some other female friends for a while, don't you think? Being with other girls (in a ladies' night, for example) may help her as well to flirt or be flirted. Practice makes perfect, doesn't it?

And, about this:

that's 'cos you're a quality guy.

Thanks a lot... dad. He used to give me very good advice now and then.

[Mish]

And i thought being direct is sexy. Man...i don't know who to believe now..Grkscorp or Mishanya.

You will find that Scorp is of a similar opinion. Direct interest kills attraction. You have to be determined, but subtle. Attraction has to be nurtured.

Being direct may be sexy if Angelina Joile was to approach (because you know there's no way in hell you'd have a chance with someone like that), but not with a stranger average girl. She'd just come off as insecure or wierd.

[Gigabitch]

I want to go out for drinks with Hypatia and see how she interacts with people. This is fascinating to me.

[Mish]

I want to go out for drinks with Hypatia and see how she interacts with people. This is fascinating to me.

I can imagine a few scenarios:

"Hey, how you going? You wanna go out and be my date? Hey, where're you going? Can't you see I'm good looking? Dumbass! Hey, how about you? how are ya?"

[Gigabitch]

Or how about, "Damn you, Giga- you're at least 10 years older than me and you're still pulling all the sausage up in here! I hate you!"

[IndiReloaded]

Are you gonna update your engagement thread? Did you go w/the geisha look?

[Masterofmind69]

Sounds like you are very emotional like I used to be. I never had a girlfriend ever. I was sexually molested as a kid plus I have to put up with physical, emotional and mental abuse. I was pretty depressed, never had anyone to talk to. I did go to see a therapist a few times but he never really listened to me so I stopped going.

Biggest help for my depression was learning meditation, letting negative feelings go and truly forgiving the people that hurt me. Maybe you are way too emotional and serious from the start. I suggest you just talk, don't get emotional or talk about feelings. Remember you want a date not someone to tell your problem to you. Love needs to take time it's a slow process for most people so slow down. Learn to talk about positive things, learn to joke around, etc. Doesn't matter how good looking a person is if they are not positive kind of person people will tend to shy away.

Date to to have not to fill up your loneliness.

[Hypatia]

Hi all-

Was busy with work the last few days, which in retrospect was probably a good thing- able to look over these posts more objectively. One thing I didn't notice before was the "negative" vibe I seem to be giving off. I'm not 100% sure what is meant here but I have a bit of a clue. In high school I used to be known by such names as Daria (a show on MTV), Negative Nancy, Sour Suzy, etc. My friends would tease me because of my pessimistic attitude and somewhat monotone, lower voice. I thought I had gotten rid of a lot of that (the negativity, although my voice is a little less monotone as well!) but it's obviously coming out enough for people to comment on it. And if people see that, well, it probably comes out in person too, at least to an extent!

I uploaded a picture to the gallery, since I figured if anyone really was going to track me down, they probably would be able to do so regardless of whether I posted a photo or not. Actually, posting a photo is good, since it made me realize even if I'm not thinking about music 24/7, I might come across that way a little bit (ie, identifying as such). I couldn't find a single photo of myself where I wasn't playing or holding a horn! Yikes.

I thought of some activities I could do that would have me meeting some people I might not elsewhere (tennis, canoeing club, shooting hoops, starting a neighborhood garden). It's still a little bit cold out, so I can't do a whole lot with this yet, but the garden idea in particular has me busy during my free time and not thinking so much about all this other nonsense. These are all things I've been toying with getting back to anyway. And the physical exercise should be good for me too- I ride my bike to commute and do some yoga, but these are more involved activities.

[Hypatia]

I also took advantage of Philadelphia Beer Week to go out frequently with friends, as a new "start". Still got hit on by exclusively older (40s/up), married or just separated guys. Weird, I don't know what attracts them to me. At least I had some tasty beers.