Another 'taking a break' situation

[Quan]

well, on and on we go.

Showed up at 6:30 or so and come in the door. She is on her cell phone and i hear her say "ok, well i'll call you after the show."

She then says "are you staying the night tonight?" i say "yes"

then she proceeds to tell me she doesnt think it is a good idea for us to go out tonight. But she sure as hell is going out with this prick from work. She says that until she gets more comfortable that we shouldnt spend long periods of time together. So she just left.

I laid everything out as we watched TV. Told her i would not just sit there and let her turn me into one of her ex's become friends. She thought i meant i was leaving and not speaking to her anymore so i had to explain i would stick around until she either came back to me or got into a relationship with someone else. She said that if i had to go away for my own sake, that she would come to me if she figured things out and wanted to be with me. SUCKS

I haven't said this before but a big difficulty in our relationship is that she is very Christian, and I am... well... not. I do believe there is a god, but i do not practice Christianity. She has always said she had a slight problem with that but nothing she couldnt live without. She knows i will be a good father to our children, but tonight she started saying that i wouldnt be able to give Christian advice to them when they had trouble, or point out parts of the Bible that could help.

So since I am not a Christian, she says that it started becoming more and more of a problem in the past month or two. She also said that she felt really wound up and stressed all the time. And now that we are apart, she doesnt. Of course, she never brought this up to me during our relationship.

I told her that i thought she had just given up on our relationship instead of voicing these problems and lettings us try to figure them out and fix them. She said there was something else that was bothering her but didn't quite know what.

I told her how i felt about her again, how i was afraid she would fall in love with someone else, and forget about me. I told her it wasnt fair that these other guys got to take her out and very possibly be trying to become her boyfriend... while i was denied my chance to try to win her back. She said that she doesnt want me trying, she wants me to just be her friend.

She kissed me and we made out kind of for a minute or so. I told her that every time we kiss i think it will be our last time. Then the show ended and she left about 5 minutes later. I still feel like i am the only one showing affection, and i have to stop that. I can't show her affection until she shows me some. I am still staying the night tonight, but she is going out with whoever while i am stuck here doing jack crap.

[Junket]

And what have we learned from this? Religion is more trouble than it's worth.
"Religion is the opiate of the masses"- Karl Marx

[nfgfan]

hey quan i also had a similar problem w/my ex she was orthadox christian(family pretty religous), i wasn't, nor was i religous and that bothered her a lot. Before actually breaking up, a month prior we almost broke up b/c of religion.(We went out for 8 months, and she started bringing the religion aspect when things started getting serious, in last 2 or 3 moths). We ended up breaking b/c she said she wasn't sure how she felt about me anymore and if she loved me as bf anymore or just as a friend. And she also similarly started going out with another guy right after the breakup(he was of same religion and nationality)Bottom line i dont know if that was the real reason or not, but you cant avoid the religion problem b/c eventually you will have to deal with it, and see if the guy she going out w/has same religious beliefs as her(which may explain some things)...not sure, but just a thought, best of luck to you, and hope things work out for the best

[Quan]

FINALLY

SO... I start going into 'our' old room to go take a shower when i see that she has a new journal. I find this odd because i know she hadnt filled her old one (she had discussed it with me, i didnt read it)

so i do what i told her i would never do... i violated her privacy and opened up the new journal. The first entry was last night.

Stated that Sat Nov 20th she told this guy (she is his manager) that she liked him.
He asked her out on a date a few nights later, she had to cancel because she had some school work to do and was still with me.
That is the night we had our discussion about taking a break and me moving out sometime after Thanksgiving. She however, called it breaking up with me, and i "took it ok"
she says she spent the night of thanksgiving and the next night with him watching movies, talking, and just staring into his eyes. YAY
All this while i sit at home trusting her and thinking she is just watching movies.
that was friday night.. and saturday night after thxgiving. Sunday morning at like 6 before she leaves she says they share their first kiss.

That next day i left and moved in with my friend. She said that hey have been making out heavily since that night (sunday) and he has been staying the night sometimes. (i think i mentioned this before)

she then said they have progressed more since then, but nothing sexual. She said that she "really really wants him to be in me" and that "he really turns me on" - She says she has fallen in love with him... doesn't think she 'loves' him, but has fallen in love with him.. WTF EVER!!

She says she is SO SO SO HAPPY now and she doesnt want to sleep with him because they could have something very special. blah blah blah. So i am waiting for her to get home right now.. I will ask her one more time how serious this shit is between her and this guy.

THE ****ING BITCH NEVER SAID WE WERE BROKEN UP, JUST TAKING A BREAK. THE BITCH CHEATED ON ME, NO ****ING DOUBT ABOUT IT!~

This is the most angry i have ever been in my entire life... I am moving all my shit out tomorrow... computer and all... **** if she wants to finish her homework for the semester, she can do without.. and im getting my ****ing money back for rent. I am disconnecting her cell phone since its on MY ACCOUNT, am cutting the cable that is in MY NAME. Everything is going back to me, the 400 dollar digital camera i got her Nov. 5th for our 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY is getting taken back..... Oooooh this burns me so bad... I can't believe i ever ****ing trusted this bitch. So much for being a great christian like she pretends. THIS SHIT IS OVER!

oh yea.... was i wrong for reading her journal? I kinda feel bad.. but i am so pissed....


(i calmed down a bit now)

i am wondering if i should just keep my mouth shut.. cut myself off from her, move out.. and end it all peacefully.... maybe she is just really confused and excited about a new thing? Maybe she will come to her senses if she can no longer see me? any suggestions? (i might even wait til morning to confront her to see if i can get laid tonight.... maybe since she never let me do anal i'll just 'accidentally' slip and give it a try.... BITCH

[nfgfan]

hey that sucks man, my g/f kind of cheated on me to, she asked a guy for his number while we were still going out, but she was at least up front about it and told me(abou it) and she was gona go on a date with him...I was more so shocked and devestated to get mad or anything...i dont know what to say, but for know maybe it best if you guys just spend some time apart...dont talk to her or call her for a week or so, and see how she reacts...then maybe call her after a week to just say hello, or if she contacts you first just ignore her calls or texts and see how she reacts to it...hang in their, best of luck

[Quan]

yea, i think i am overreacting.

Now that i think back i should have considered it a breakup. She said she still wants to spend xmas with me, wants to decorate the xmas tree with me. She said she even wants to come to my family event at xmas.

I am still moving out but i am not going to be mean to her. i will just wait until sometime later... if she comes back to me i will come clean and make her come clean as well. If she ends up with someone else, then i will tell her everything and how much of a worthless sack of shit she is.

I took about 5 shots of vodka and i mellowed out.... The things she says and the way she acts make me really think shes just confused/excited about a new thing... but to sit there and write about how much she wants to have sex with the guy and how she is in love with him just pisses me off... I will be civil, i am a bigger man than that... i will just simply move on..

the funny thing is, i am not upset.. i didnt cry, i just was pissed that she has been lying to me. Maybe she thinks she can do all this crap, have her fun... then just come back to me like nothing happened... love how she tells me this guy is just a friend... funny crap.

one funny thing is that she just stopped taking birth control when we broke up because it was messing with her cycle recently and she was going to start back up in a month or two after her body goes back to normal.... If she ****s this guy, hopefully she will get pregnant, and be ****ed for life and i can just be thankful it wasnt me.

this sucks... i really thought this woman who i am so deeply in love with was truly in love with me... being honest with me... figuring things out for herself... and we would move on with our lives, get married, have children, and live all the things we talked about doing.

I am taking this better than i thought. I just need to get back to myself.. enjoy a few months being single..... unfortunately living with my parents.

I will save my money, finish the buildup on my jeep so i can get back into the sport i love (rock crawling), then see if i can meet another beautiful girl who will treat me right, make me happy..... but this time, not leave me for another guy.

Michelle.... i still love her more than anything. She is my first true love (felt things for others before, but not like this)... she has been the light of my life, my one reason to make it through each day.... Being friends first made our relationship the greatest thing i have ever experienced or even heard of. I still wish her the best in life.. my only hope is that this guy treats her better than i have, and that he truly cares for her at least as much as i do.

My only wish is for you to be happy Michelle...... no matter who you are with. Best wishes.

I can't stop crying.... But life must go on.

[nfgfan]

It takes time to heal, my ex was my first true love to, and it hurts, but it gets better, its been almost 3 months since we broken up, i still think about her once in a while but things have gotten alot better. I decided to stop talking to my ex bc i knew i couldnt be friends and thats the only way to put her in my past. I suggest stay busy, hang out with friends(helps alot), workout, whatever!! Remember tomorrow is a new day and their are millions of girls out there. There will be someone out there for you, and rember that things happen for a reason, and things will work out for the best for you!

[Quan]

Ok... any opinions on that last event?

I am now debating wether or not to confront her. I already told her i am goign to distance myself from her and MAYBE see her once a week. I kind of feel like just telling her i read the journal, that i know that she flat out lied to me, and just let her get mad at me. I feel so betrayed.... i mean, she started liking this guy.... as soon as he asked her out, she broke up with me and told me she 'needed her break'. I mean, i respect that she broke up with me instead of going behind my back and cheating... but how can i trust that she won't be attracted to some other guy in the future and leave me again.... (if we get back together that is.)

I am afraid to tell her that i read her journal, because i am afraid she will be really mad at me, and not talk to me and/or end up having sex with this guy out of revenge. I know she already wants to with him.... but i just keep trying to convince her not to do anything she will regret.

I know i should just leave her and not talk to her anymore since she is obviously so head over heels about this guy RIGHT AFTER we split up.... but i love her so much that i can't walk away. Should i just take this as her doing her own thing on her own time and it none of my business? AL;SKJFLK;SADJFKL;SADJ

THIS SUCKS! i have to move on...... i keep telling myself that... but i feel like i have to give it one more week. Then i will tell her that she can't just bounce back and forth between the two of us.. and she has to make a decision.

[Nice Lover Boy]

Quan, listen. I understand your full of rage and anger. Your only wish is to have revenge to make sure that you had the last laugh. I do understand that you still love her, but it pains you to see her loose you in her mind for someone who may not understand her as the way you do. But this has been a serious ride for you and your riding on her ride until you decide to leave. Your gonn have to say your goodbyes because women like that hardly ever come back. I know you want to tell her about the journal, but best things is to give her her last X-mas gift and have a big letter stating that you know everything and you found out by a different source. Get her a gift that it may remind her of you and only you. You have to move on. Your doing every right thing to not get an acute response from her and you have to move on and not play her game. When she finds you with a better woman, that shall be your revenge and you may forget about her by then.

[Quan]

thx for the reply. I spent the night last night, she said she would come home and hang out with me after work at 10, but she didnt come home til about 1am from this guys house... I had had it. I just didnt speak to her hardly at all when she got into bed, and we went to sleep. This morning she woke up to go to work and i woke up before she left. She came over and gave me a kiss on my cheek and i just told her that we wouldnt be seeing each other for a while. She started asking about dates we had already planned to spend an hour or two together, and i just told her "i dont know".

I just finished writing her a nice goodbye letter, and i am going to leave it here when i leave for work this afternoon. I am going to have to try SOOOO HARD to not contact her. I just don't feel normal unless i at least text message her. But i know i have to move on. I have to get used to not seeing her, and i have to make her go without me for a while and maybe she will realize what a mistake she made. Oh well... the pain of love... but life goes on..... right?

[Nice Lover Boy]

Quan, don't think your doing the wrong thing. Reading to what has happen to you make me angry because I have been with girls that type that would spend more time with someone else when she is suppose to spend more time with you. Avoid thinking about her but think about the ideal woman that would treat you right and care for you like you care for her. Think of a girl which such beauty and sophisticated features that would enlight you. Think about a woman that would make you happy now and for ever. Because your mind belongs to you and you can use it to find who you are looking for and there is no one who can take that away from you.
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Clouds keep moving...the earth continues revolving...and above all, ...life goes on.

[Quan]

Thanks for the kind words NLB, it's great to have this forum around so i can spill out all my emotions... can't do that completely with my friend. It hasnt even been a full day without seeing her and i already miss her again. But i am gonna pull through. We will see each other for about an hour on Thursday, then i will probably take a break from her until a few days before Xmas eve. I was supposed to stay the night Xmas eve so we could do our gift stuff in the morning, but i am not sure how that is going to turn out. I havent heard her response about the note i gave her, but i hope she got the message correctly. I am already taking some 'me' time. I most likely won't hang out with her on new years eve, but i will be off with my 4x4 group putting on a new years blowout rock crawling competition which will make me happy again. THX AGAIN ALL!

[Nice Lover Boy]

hey Quan, it's nice to hear that your doing swell. I wish I was in your seat and ready to face the world again. But I am not. I just came from my weekend where it was suppose to be me and her and things went straight to hell. I invited her someplace where she always wanted to go, but I think I will change my mind and tell her that it was a bad idea. In fact, I will tell her the bottom line on how I feel. But that will be my last straw. That's what happens when you think your friend liked you. But, I'm still dah pimp I use to be and still "nice lover boy" that the women missed. I ditched honeys that wanted to experience my sexual healing just so I can devote my happy life with my friend. But anyways, pimp or die is what I always say.

[Quan]

I can't say i am fully ready to face the world, but i am at least putting on the facade to her. I decided i am not jumping to her every need.... I am not responding to her text messages until several hours later and i probably will stop answering her calls and just checking voicemail. Either she is ready to be without me or she is not..... I am on my way to being 'ok' with being without her for good.

[Nice Lover Boy]

Just remember Quan, start talking to other women and that will open up a new side for you to focus on. That will help you decide to "live a little" or find another mate. Trust me, for me, I chosed, "Live a little" and I get women like a fisherman catches fish. lol