I'm so confused and really not coping

[Horseyguy]

I genuinely believe that's what she is trying to do.

She knows the space she is in right now has stuffed up our relationship, is impacting on her work, her kid, her life and she knows she has to fix it otherwise it's just going to get worse.

I threw it out there yesterday that she could access my free couselling service my work provides to employees and partners and she came back and said that was a lovely offer and if she can't locate her old cousellor she will definately take me up on the offer.

She realises she needs help, she knows she has an alcohol problem and she has committed to doing something about it. If she doesn't then yes, it's just all excuses. But if she does something about it then it will make a difference to her life and happiness.

And she did literally spiral down when her dog got sick and then she found out it was terminal, she wasn't putting it all on, just doing it as an excuse to break up with me.

I've watched her go down and down, her motivation to everything going, the stress in her face, the tired eyes.

She is suffering at the moment and I honestly believe her cry for some time is to just get on top of this, to get some help, to be in a better place is because she hates being the way she is right now and wants to get better.

Way I look at it is I'm in a win win situation.

If she gets it all sorted out and comes back to me that's fantastic

If she gets it all sorted out and doesn't come back to me, then I'll be happy that she is in a much better space and has tackled her demons

And if she does nothing and just stays in a bad space, I guess I'll realise that's just who she is after all, nothing I could ever have done would have changed that

The hard part for me is just that I love her and miss her so much, I know if I call her she will talk to me, if I text her she will reply, if I go see her she will be pleased to see me, but I can't do any of these things. I can't try and focus or contact her with a view to getting back with her because that's not what she wants or needs right now.

Just have to be there if she needs me and leave it at that.

In the meantime I'll just focus on dealing with my feelings and getting myself out of this sad, unhappy space I'm in and make myself better.

[DarkHelmet82]

you really do love her... you are willing to give up everything for her to be happy.. I know what its like.. I would too man...

Everyone is saying to me "get over it, its just a breakup.. if its meant to be it will happen." Well they can say that because they have someone. Maybe they have been where I am and felt like ive felt, but that doesnt mean I am not allowed to feel hurt, and sad, and angry...

[Horseyguy]

Mate you feel whatever you want to. they are your feelings to do with what you want, no-one elses

But please remember the way your are feeling is your choice, so if you are feeling unhappy right now that's cos you are choosing too, because you are hurting. And yeah, I know it's not that simple to say , oh fark it I'm going to chose to be happy now, because sometimes it's actually ok to chose to feel unhappy, or sad or whatever because it does help with the healing. Sometimes you just have to feel the pain.

But at some point in the future, when you are ready, you will do that. You will decide that you are over feeling like this, you will pick yourself up and you will have moved on and then, at that point, you will start to control your emotions and not let them control you.

But don't feel bad for feeling what you are feeling. Acknowledge it for what it is, confront it and deal with it, and if you need some help and just want to vent, get your arse back here ok

Oh, and yes I do, really love her. As I said, I'm not focused on us getting back together, I just want her to deal with her problems and get back into a happy space. I hope I'm there with her too when she gets there

[Horseyguy]

Fark me sideways and call me Nora, I ate some breakfast this morning. Trump that!!!

[Horseyguy]

Saw the counsellor today Only went and told me what I already knew but it was hard hearing someone agreeing with you

She said I should be staying in contact with XXXXX until she has some professional help in place and then I should sit down with her and tell her I'm going to back off and move on without her

Once she has sorted out her problems and if she feels she does want to be with me at that stage she will make contact again, if she doesn't, she wont. But it's an understanding that she needs to come to

She said for my own welfare I will need to walk away from this and knowing that she has professional help will help put my mind at rest

[jamiegirl19]

exactly my situation