finding a girl...

[HeartIsAching]

Back then, girls liked nice guys and dating was a simple thing.

A few things wrong with that statement:

1. It wasn't all THAT long ago, we're talking the early-mid '80's. Dating and girls have not changed all that much.

2. I wasn't a nice guy.

[noumenal]

You go to church most weeks and can't find a girl?!

Dude, seriously? Back when I went to church, that place was always crawling with eligible females. Maybe try a different church?

There are lots of girls my age in this church (it is a non-denominational church for college students). I don't really see what option I have besides doing the cold approach at church. There are only infrequent activities outside of church and Bible studies separated by gender. Not much room to navigate.

You say you're a nerd - what sort of nerd? What activities, what hobbies, what interests do you have?

I'm the kind of nerd who reads about obscure philosophy, quantum physics or World War II... I don't dress or act like a nerd though. Definitely not socially incompetent, but I am quite introverted - as in I dislike large groups of people and get drained by too much socializing. I posted some of my hobbies in an earlier post.

I don't know what my deal is to be honest. Never thought I was particularly unattractive, but I have failed every single time I have made an attempt with a girl since high school so who knows. I would love to blame the girls, but obviously it's probably my fault.

[basilandthyme]

Douchey seems like an accurate description. I'm not sure I could lower myself to that level, but I guess I could consider it.

With hindsight, I was wrong to agree with the accoustic guitar approach. If you hate Indie music and the opening rif to Wonderwall leaves you cold, then don't bother. Girls don't want a fake.

It would be as stupid as me pretending to like football to attract a man.

[basilandthyme]

There are lots of girls my age in this church (it is a non-denominational church for college students). I don't really see what option I have besides doing the cold approach at church. There are only infrequent activities outside of church and Bible studies separated by gender. Not much room to navigate.

I'm the kind of nerd who reads about obscure philosophy, quantum physics or World War II... I don't dress or act like a nerd though. Definitely not socially incompetent, but I am quite introverted - as in I dislike large groups of people and get drained by too much socializing. I posted some of my hobbies in an earlier post.

I don't know what my deal is to be honest. Never thought I was particularly unattractive, but I have failed every single time I have made an attempt with a girl since high school so who knows. I would love to blame the girls, but obviously it's probably my fault.

I second the idea of finding a different church. Find one which has social activities.

Let's turn the question around a little: What qualities do you have which a girl would find interesting? And what about the girls at your college? More and more girls are studying physics and engineering these days. Are there study groups? Social groups?

[Love'sReject]

Girls don't want a fake.

Nonsense. Girls like personas more than the guys themselves.

[AdminOnline]

I believe there are other churches around your area.
Perhap, visit one of them. Good exposure to new things.

[HeartIsAching]

Nonsense. Girls like personas more than the guys themselves.

Don't listen to this idiot. He's worse than clueless.

[noumenal]

I second the idea of finding a different church. Find one which has social activities.

I think this is what I am going to try. It seems like the other churches have a smaller population of young people, but at least they have social activities...

Let's turn the question around a little: What qualities do you have which a girl would find interesting? And what about the girls at your college?

I don't know what girls find interesting besides a guy who is going to expand her social circle and take her out every night.

But I guess I'm intelligent, responsible, can be funny (if you get to know me), and I'm pretty selfless. I'm willing to try other activities like hiking, camping, and those sorts of things, but they aren't that fun by yourself. I can be a bit of a homebody which goes along with being an introvert. I enjoy watching a movie or going for a walk as much as I do anything else. I'm not a complicated person, very easy going. I get along with just about everybody. So...

[Love'sReject]

Girls like guys who don't reveal themselves too much (you have to strategically place info about yourself between her blathering; you have to be careful if you're going to listen to what she says. If she thinks you're a great listener, chances are you've Friend Zone'ed yourself; girls won't sacrifice free therapy to relationships).

[Love'sReject]

Listen to this guy. He's far from clueless.

Indeed, brah. Thanks!

[basilandthyme]

you have to strategically place info about yourself between her blathering

And I'm reminded yet again why you're single.

[Love'sReject]

It's actually 'cuz appearance-wise, I just can't match. That and I'm too thoughtful for most girls; they just like the chick magnet studs who don't read, practice hygiene or care about anything but getting laid.

[basilandthyme]

I don't know what girls find interesting besides a guy who is going to expand her social circle and take her out every night

Yes, an extreme extrovert will love going out and meeting new people. But you'd be much more suited to someone who's introverted like you. Or at least someone who's mid way inbetween.

When I was dating, going out to dinner or a movie once a week was fine...and I liked to snuggle up infront of the TV too. You having a social circle is important not so much as to increase her's - but so that she knows you've got your shit together. And that you're not a total wanker who has no friends.

But I guess I'm intelligent, responsible, can be funny (if you get to know me), and I'm pretty selfless. I'm willing to try other activities like hiking, camping, and those sorts of things, but they aren't that fun by yourself. I can be a bit of a homebody which goes along with being an introvert. I enjoy watching a movie or going for a walk as much as I do anything else. I'm not a complicated person, very easy going. I get along with just about everybody. So...

that's a really good start. Are there any groups around which you can join to further widen your experiences and social circle.

What about volunteering? You're likely to find another thoughtful, caring person through volunteering.

[basilandthyme]

It's actually 'cuz appearance-wise, I just can't match. That and I'm too thoughtful for most girls; they just like the chick magnet studs who don't read, practice hygiene or care about anything but getting laid.

Oh.....silly me. Of course that's what all women want. (sarcasm)

[Love'sReject]

Oh.....silly me. Of course that's what all women want. (sarcasm)

HOT girls, and in fact most attractive girls. Personality usually matters to the lesser attractive/ugly girls so OP, don't get your hopes up on meeting an Audrey Hepburn or anything.