Hey everyone, I'm glad that I finally found a cool forum to speak my mind. I have a lot to write so be prepared!
Okay let me start off with the basics. I am Robert, aged 19 and I love in South Africa. I am Gay.
Obviously being Gay is a big challenge luckily in SA it's just accepted, marriage is legal etc... It's always been my dream to get married one day and even start a family, although being Gay I don't see it happening. I mean I do, and I don't. I'm so confused about it at the moment. Knowing I'm Gay is easy. But where to go from here is not. I feel like if I ever do get married that it just won't be the same as a conventional marriage. I know I should be proud of Gay people and that people are starting to accept us but I just feel that I will never have a normal life and I don't know why. I can't see myself getting old with a guy and I a family. Am I over-reacting?
Anyway this brings me to my current situations. I have never, ever been in a relationship. And I feel like a complete idiot because I'm always the person liking someone. When I was about 16 I wasted 2 years of my life liking a boy who wasn't gay and spending every single day bottling it up because I was too scared to tell anyone. (Turns out he has a girlfriend now and they're happy! ) It took me a very long time to get over that.
Now theres this Guy, I have met once before (and we spoke a little and I mean little) at a party. Anyway I invited him on Facebook and followed him on Twitter and he followed me back, accepted the friend request. Now I think I'm developing a little bit of a crush on this guy. I just feel like a stupid idiot and I'm even embarrassed to admit that I like this guy because I've only ever met him once, wtf is wrong with me? I'm not even sure how to start a conversation with this guy because we have only ever met once and I don't wanna be like "hey!" when he hardly knows me that would be so weird!
So I've started just posting statuses and stuff (because i don't know how to communicate with him), sometimes he'll give them a like. Like I said I really feel dumb for doing all this over Facebook I couldn't be more embarrassed and humiliated to tell you guys this. Then theres the fact that I'm not even sure if he's gay? On his Facebook he has a picture kissing a guy and then one kissing a girl? But then again that doesn't make him gay.
If just there was just some way that I could just communicate with this guy! I'm way too afraid to speak to him! What if I embarrass myself, or what if he is like wtf and deletes me?! I'm beginning to become scared that this is going to turn into one of those crushes that I had when I was 16, I don't want to put myself through that again especially with someone I've only met once. Like I said, I feel like an idiot.
I think this dumb obsession stems from me just never having a relationship. After moving away from my old home town I never got the chance to make so many friends as I arrived at a new school in my last year which is kind of a buzz kill, because everyone already has their groups at school. I just feel so alone right now, I've been disconnected from everyone I know and it's not like I'm a socially awkward person, I've never had a problem making friends you know.
I don't want to sound whiney or like a loser It took me a while to even think about registering here to ask for help as I'm normally a go-getter kind of person. but right now I'm so stuck in my lonely life that any suggestions would help me.
Thanks everyone
RobertH