I feel like I just don't have a future in love or any relationship.

[RobertH]

Hey everyone, I'm glad that I finally found a cool forum to speak my mind. I have a lot to write so be prepared!

Okay let me start off with the basics. I am Robert, aged 19 and I love in South Africa. I am Gay.

Obviously being Gay is a big challenge luckily in SA it's just accepted, marriage is legal etc... It's always been my dream to get married one day and even start a family, although being Gay I don't see it happening. I mean I do, and I don't. I'm so confused about it at the moment. Knowing I'm Gay is easy. But where to go from here is not. I feel like if I ever do get married that it just won't be the same as a conventional marriage. I know I should be proud of Gay people and that people are starting to accept us but I just feel that I will never have a normal life and I don't know why. I can't see myself getting old with a guy and I a family. Am I over-reacting?

Anyway this brings me to my current situations. I have never, ever been in a relationship. And I feel like a complete idiot because I'm always the person liking someone. When I was about 16 I wasted 2 years of my life liking a boy who wasn't gay and spending every single day bottling it up because I was too scared to tell anyone. (Turns out he has a girlfriend now and they're happy! ) It took me a very long time to get over that.

Now theres this Guy, I have met once before (and we spoke a little and I mean little) at a party. Anyway I invited him on Facebook and followed him on Twitter and he followed me back, accepted the friend request. Now I think I'm developing a little bit of a crush on this guy. I just feel like a stupid idiot and I'm even embarrassed to admit that I like this guy because I've only ever met him once, wtf is wrong with me? I'm not even sure how to start a conversation with this guy because we have only ever met once and I don't wanna be like "hey!" when he hardly knows me that would be so weird!

So I've started just posting statuses and stuff (because i don't know how to communicate with him), sometimes he'll give them a like. Like I said I really feel dumb for doing all this over Facebook I couldn't be more embarrassed and humiliated to tell you guys this. Then theres the fact that I'm not even sure if he's gay? On his Facebook he has a picture kissing a guy and then one kissing a girl? But then again that doesn't make him gay.

If just there was just some way that I could just communicate with this guy! I'm way too afraid to speak to him! What if I embarrass myself, or what if he is like wtf and deletes me?! I'm beginning to become scared that this is going to turn into one of those crushes that I had when I was 16, I don't want to put myself through that again especially with someone I've only met once. Like I said, I feel like an idiot.

I think this dumb obsession stems from me just never having a relationship. After moving away from my old home town I never got the chance to make so many friends as I arrived at a new school in my last year which is kind of a buzz kill, because everyone already has their groups at school. I just feel so alone right now, I've been disconnected from everyone I know and it's not like I'm a socially awkward person, I've never had a problem making friends you know.

I don't want to sound whiney or like a loser It took me a while to even think about registering here to ask for help as I'm normally a go-getter kind of person. but right now I'm so stuck in my lonely life that any suggestions would help me.

Thanks everyone
RobertH

[Woods]

Have a look on the guys page, do you have any common interests? If you do then strike up a conversation with him over it and go from there. It's tough not knowing if he is actually gay or not, but as you get into more general conversation you should get more of an idea (if you don't want to ask him outright, that is). The way I see it, you've had your confidence knocked but there is no shame in having had a crush on someone who didn't like you back. We've all been there. You've got to get back up and out again.

It's one thing accepting you're gay. It's another to come to terms with the knowledge that in order to be happy and true to yourself you're going to have to go a route which isn't conventional and sometimes isn't easy. I think acceptance of that, and eventually feeling content with it, comes with time and with meeting the right person. When you meet the right person it will be easier to take on the whole family/marriage issue, you will feel what you do or don't want in your relationship with them.

[Valixy]

I don't think that many straight guys would post a picture kissing another guy, but it's quite normal for a gay man to have pictures kissing a guy and pictures kissing or hugging a girl. The guy is normally someone who he is attracted to and the girl is normally a very good friend and they like having fun together, but you shouldn't assume anything too soon. Could you try to initiate a private conversation with him on facebook maybe? Just a simple hello, how are you and see how it goes from there? Isn't there any possibility to find out more about him from someone else? Any chance for you to meet him at another party soon?

[michelle23]

your only 19 so i dont think you should worry so much about the future right now. Im sure there are other gay men with the same morals, values and beliefs as you as well as future goals. you just need to find someone that you are compatable with so you should try to stay positive.

as for children-you will have a ton of options when the time comes -fostering, adoption, surrogate mother etc etc.

good luck

[FlaCooln]

I agree with valixy...straight guys wouldn't post that pic. Just strike up a conversation. He is liking your pics for a reason. Maybe he is just as shy as you. I think you are still figuring yourself out. But, the key is to be true to yourself and go after what you want. You like this guy, so whats the worst that can happen? He may not feel the same way....then you will know and can move on. Not knowing and feeling uneasy about the whole thing is much worse then knowing IMHO.

I hope Rowen will chime in here. He can probably offer a better perspective.

[michelle23]

you have only met this guy once so you have nothing to lose. you should just tell him your gay and you like him. see what he says?

[RobertH]

Thanks for the replies you guys!

I think I'm just worrying about the future right now because I feel like I'm never going to find someone. And I'm not really that type of person who wants to find people through the internet. (hence my lack of comfort with facebook)

I'm just so scared to even say Hi to him, I just don't know if I could handle rejection!? I think I could possible start off by commenting on a status or something? as lame as this sounds it could get me slightly more comfortable with the idea?

[TablesandChairs]

If you're gay, you're gay. You have to come to terms with that; you may or may not have kids (it's always possible through adoption or surrogacy but it's obviously harder/more costly) and you may experience some discrimination here and there, but it's important to be yourself and accept yourself. Once you've established that, you can start thinking about relationships.

My gay friend didn't get his first boyfriend until 23; he lived in a small town with very few gay people so there was never any opportunity. He moved to a bigger city, with a vibrant gay scene and met someone when he was about 24. They've been together for 8 years. I wouldn't worry - you're very young. Take a risk, if it doesn't work out, that's fine. It's the same for straight people really.

[michelle23]

What about a gay bar or club? Is there any in your area? You could just try to make some friends and they could help you figure this situation out. Dont fear rejection. It is a part of life.