I screwed up and lost love of my life

[Wakeup]

Well everything started going bad after she got laid off. I make good money. But I always thought of future and saving for a bad day. But she wanted to go out all the time spend and do what not. After a while we argued everyday. She would spend money like no tomorrow. And that made me mad. But I was willing to pay for her school fees and I wanted her to go back to school finish and have a better opportunity. But she didn't like this. She wanted to take a minimum wage job with minimum hours and we would fight over this.

Please learn from this. You cannot control other people. If they do not want what you want then it means that you either aquience to what they want or you leave them because it means that you are totally incompatible. (which you two were/are).

Keep getting your own help and when you are more prepared, look for someone who thinks like you do. You only have control over what you do and what you believe in. No one else. Once you accept that, you'll be able to pick someone who is more like yourself instead of picking someone who is completely different and trying to mold them into who you want them to be.

Forgive yourself, forget her and find someone closer to your ideal once you've healed.

[pcmaster]

Well if you were happy just because she was with you that means you truly loved her. Just this feeling of having a jewel in your hands is great. But it dont make feelings equal. Thing is you did a lot for her thinking that you will win her heart for life in this way. When infact it was you who invested most and thats why felt so attached to her. - Giving her higher value. She had only that much value as you gave her. She took passive stance which didnt make her invest emotionaly. She took a lot from you but it didnt make her attached cause she didnt give so much of herself. Taking is a form of giving too, so in this way she gave you a lot lol. When you want to keep the girl then its important to make person invest too to greate feeling of attachement.

This guy explains more about emotional investment.

[Karan]

Thank you guys but shit I know it's over between us but in the back of my head I want to be with her. It's a feeling that will eventually go away but hell loved her so long I can't just move on in 2 months. False hope is dangerous but that's all I have for know.

[Wakeup]

No that is NOT all you have for now. You have reflection which will guide you to realizing how bad of a partner she actually was for you. You have acceptance after that which will lead you down the road to your recovery from her. You have knowledge now for the future which will guide you to find someone who is compatible to begin with rather then staying with someone you've discovered is not good with you and trying to change them. You have independence and the ability to be your own person without having to try and caretake (like you did with this ex) another.

You have way more then hope which isn't helpful to you in the least when you are hoping for someone that you are not good together with.

[Karan]

If I could I would buy u all a drink or 2 or more. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It's people like you all that make the world a better place. **** she left but she left a scare or more. All I can say is it feels good to get things off chest and talk when all else seems to fail. Someday not today not anytime soon but I will move on. Thank u all

[pcmaster]

Ofcourse you will move on and be happy. You have no choice cause you own this to us. We expect you to be happy, even if it sometimes seems hard. Always put yourself and your happines first !

[Karan]

Thanks brother. I just hope she is doing well and whoever she is with gives her the love I never did. Oh shit it's hard. Man wth happened. I m still in love. Maybe one day.

[HeartIsAching]

As Smackie would say:

Women... can't live with 'em; pass the peanuts.

[Karan]

It just freaking sucks. Almost been 2 months, she's moving on like nothing ever happened and here I m sitting and always thinking about her. Damnit.

[pcmaster]

Jump with a bungee man. Emotional high will help ya forget emotional low. You keep thinking about her cause you stoped your life after she left. Even after break up you kept investing - left job, kept awake at nights and what not. - It all made you feel even more attached to her because again you did this because of her. You didnt knew this but when you stop your life you stuck in the past where the life stopped. Now you have to return to old things you did to move on from where you left. Ofcourse it wont feel so great when you are alone. Things that used to bring joy and fulfilment now might seem meanigless but you just keep going tru motions like machine till emotions return. Also to completly move on you have to live richer. Like add new hobbies, friends or move to another place to start new life. Have to be busy thats the only way.

[Karan]

Ya I agree I just gotta learn to move on. But past is still a part of me. N the more I think the more false hope I get. Like what if I wait long enough she might come back or she might still have feelings for me all that dramatic senses running through my head. I just need to take my brain n heart out for a few day n not think.

[mollymari]

You know you sound so sweet up to that phrase you use rather often I might add, you may call me one as well as I am willing to take that chance. You have some good advice for that man regarding his ex yet you seem to group women together by referring to us as how you say, "bitch?" Hhmm. Really? Got anything else? Both sexes get a little 'bitchy' from time to time wouldn't you say, but let me offer you 'some' advice man, use the term wisely or it loses its meaning.
kindly, a seldom but meaningful 'bitch'
oh yes, and when one does refer to an entire gender with this term, hhmm, if you were my son I'd feel compelled to wash your mouth out with soap and then feed you soup.

[Karan]

Well anything on my situation ma'am.

[mollymari]

Right, sorry Karan, I'm reading your post now. ......... Hhmmm. Okay. Very gallant of you to offer so very much when she departed; although many might suggest, slightly foolish but gallant none the less.
Karan, you sound like a really nice fella, an old school romantic. Yet your line 'I changed myself for her in 2 months'. Karan, why would you do that? What needed to change? Granted, if you have anger management issues like I had, great, get some therapy, get better but if it's a character change, don't you dare. True, always a good idea to be the best version of yourself you can be but if you think you need to change for this girl, I'm sorry to say, I know you love her, but do you think that's fair?
You were with this person for a significant chunk of time. The fact she shacked up with someone new fairly quickly is a red flag. Without knowing more I can't tell if she's doing this to hurt your feelings or if she's done this because that's just the way she is. again, red flags.
I know it is tough but perhaps, perhaps her parting is a blessing in disguise. It's not easy losing someone. Just remember who you are, the heart you have to offer to someone who is worthy.
good luck

[Karan]

Thank you appreciate your input.
Well even my tharpist yesterday told me I m way to nice. And when it comes to giving I give and only expect love in return and nothing else. That's my weakness. Story of my life.