Am I being unreasonable or did he screw up?

[searock]

i didn't think i would have to tell him that it was important to me for him to come...i just expected as a boyfriend that he would get it

See the problem right here: lack of communication. He isn't a mind reader. If something is very important to you, you should communicate it to him - especially if it involves something he should or shouldn't do.

he is saying he really did want to spend time with my parents and that it was just a really busy weekend for him

I don't believe it. He would have found the time if he had wanted to meet them, especially since you had given him lots of time to organize his schedule. He did not want to meet them (it doesn't matter if he's met them before) and he didn't want to tell you, and now he's lying about it. It's just a disaster...

[basilandthyme]

well now he's begging for forgiveness and asking for my parents number so he can speak to them which is just like awkward. the thing is our relationship was already bumpy and then he did this....so this just like was the cherry on top. i feel like if our relationship had been pretty much perfect i wouldn't care as much but it wasn't. i had just had a talk with him about how i needed him to communicate better with me the week before.

So why has your relationship been bumpy? What else is going on..

[alexis422]

communication problems and him not going out. i will admit im not an amazing communicator but im decent and i definitely express myself. he is an awful communicator and this school year i feel like im the one who is always initiating texts and simply hanging out. and i know we are dating, but that gets old and makes me feel insecure. we barely text when we arent with each other and i don't expect to talk all day by ANY means but i mean its like 2 texts the entire day and we wont see each other for a few days aka making me feel like he doesn't care. second, like i said we are in college and he never wants to go out and i like to go out and have told him this many many times. when we were first started dating, he was mr social and then suddenly he just didnt care to go out. like i said last week i almost broke up with over all these things because i had talked to him about it before several times and he was like no let me prove myself which is exactly where we were in the relationship when he pulled this parents weekend thing. he had been proving himself for like 4 days by talking and initiatign and went out on thursday and then parents came and this whole escapade happened which is why i am so pissed and hurt.

[Maple1714]

Maybe it's time to take a break? Some space...time apart. Sounds like you both are busy with school stuff, want to do different things with your spare time and are not doing a very good job at communicating your needs to one another. You should try and have a sit down/face to face talk and just be honest. Don't argue or start a fight...just have a calm honest conversation about what you each want from each other. If you can't meet eye to eye then maybe it's time to take a break.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Any change will likely be short lived. He's shown you who is. He doesn't like to text, he doesn't like to go out. Dump or deal with it.

[basilandthyme]

Alexis, it's time to end the relationship: The two of you are simply not compatible and you're miserable....this is no way to be!

There seems to be a theory going around that we must work on the problems in a relationship - to give it everything we can before walking away. Personally, I think this is stupid and a waste of time.

The whole point of dating is to find Mr Right. Dating is not about trying to make things work with Mr Wrong. And the longer you spend with Mr Wrong, you'll be missing out on opportunities to meet the right guy.

For what it's worth, most relationships start out really well. For about 6 months or so, it's all fresh and new and everyone puts in a huge amount of effort. After this stage wears off, we start to see the REAL person we're dating. You're now seeing that your boyfriend is a poor communicator, can't be bothered going out, doesn't initiate contact and won't even make an effort to see your parents when invited. Is this what you really want in a man? If not, it's time to end the relationship and move on.

[editor]

It is important to tell him how you feel. Don't keep all these kind of emotions to yourself. In my opinion, his reactions to your honesty should speak for itself.

[alexis422]

thank you everyone for your input. and editor, what do you mean when you say "his reactions to my honestly should speak for itself?"

[alexis422]

once again thank you everyone for helping out. all of you guys have offered great advice.

i broke up with him actually monday night. what i did not tell you before i wrote this post, is that i broke up with him once last year because of the problems i stated earlier (lack of communication and attention on his part). he begged for me back then, i told him i needed and space, he said ok and we didn't talk for a month, got back together because I believed he truly changed or would try to do the little things that I wanted him to do and that made the biggest difference. well....now here I am writing on this forum...so clearly breaking up last time did not really work. he still does not communicate enough or give me enough attention and the whole parents weekend thing happened, so i broke up with him. I had told him earlier this year how i felt, but nothing changed really. since monday he has begged for me back, brought over flowers, a long card, won't stop calling and texting saying he swears he will make me the happiest girl every and that i am the love of his life and that after talking to someone else he realizes he was not doing nearly enough as a boyfriend. he said " i thought i was doing enough and what i should do, but i realized i wasn't doing shit." and he's like i know what you deserve and i want to give it to you all.

i just don't think i can take him back because as much as I think he wants to change and be the guy i want him to be, i don't think he is currently capable of it. i have given him chances in the past but ended up hurt and disappointed when after a couple of weeks, he went back to himself. i love him and want to believe he will do the things i want, but i just feel like it would have already happened, right? i just feel like he has growing up to do before he can be what i want. he says this time he swears it is different and he knows he is asking a lot of me to give him this chance but that i wont regret it and that he has to prove himself. i just think i have to move on though...im scared his words are just words.

any last thoughts from everyone?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You're right his words are words. Ignore everything. He had a second chance.

You said, "he went back to himself", and you are right. That is just who he is. An acute change because you broke up with him won't last.

[basilandthyme]

You've make the right choice. Stick with it xx

[Maple1714]

Yes, you've made the right choice. There are plenty of guys out there that you will be more compatible with and vice versa for him as well.

[TablesandChairs]

Alexis, you're young and you're yet to meet someone you're compatible with. Once you do, you'll realize that you won't have to beg them to change, to do this, to do that - it'll come naturally. We all compromise in relationships but what you want him to do is change and that's tricky because he may never change. You've seen who he is, how he is and what he is/isn't capable of. The moment he gets comfortable, he'll let his guard down and resume being how he is, instead of how you want him to be.

If you had kids and were financially tied together, I'd suggest trying to work through these issues because there's a lot at stake...but you don't and no one can say you gave up easily, you have tried. It's not about whose fault it is, it's about how much time you want to invest in the futile pursuit of trying to change someone.